Random Musings and Thoughts

This post won't really have any structure. I just have a bunch of floopy thoughts in my head and am so exhausted that I can't really form a coherent flow.

I feel the baby move all the time now. My husband is anxious is feel him move. Everytime I start to feel him, I put my hands on where he is and cross my fingers. No such luck yet, but hopefully it will be soon. I can tell when he wakes up in the morning cause he really starts his little flips and kicks. He's a little athlete already. :)

We spent alot of money in the past two months. October is going to be tight. Especially with my 2 weeks off (I only get paid for 1). Hopefully, there will be a bonus in the near future as I just finished two ginormous projects on my own and am starting a third. I redid our budget again. I feel better when I look at the numbers and figure things out. It makes me feel more in control. I am a control freak. Our savings account is now frozen in place as "the baby fund." I am not taking money out or putting money in until I go back to work after maternity leave. We have enough to pay for Peanut and our bills if I didn't work the entire leave. Right now any extra money is paying down debt. By the time the baby comes we will have paid off a huge chunk, which is more than what we paid in total last year. I am determined.

I am still craving gravy like a dope fiend. And Orangina. I drank like 7 bottles this weekend. I think I am over the Rice Krispie stage, but am still consuming mini Nestle Crunches every morning.

I bought our tickets to go out to the Statue of Liberty for next Monday! My other 2 NYC landmark choices are Serendipity and Central Park. My husband wants to get a bratwurst, a meatball sub, and a NY strip steak. Those were his choices. Hopefully I will make it to H&M as I hear they have a maternity section in the big one. :) I need sweaters.

I organized our baby stuff the other night. all the clothes and cloth things got put in a tupperware. We already have alot. Ben and I talked about what we want to get to bring him home in. :) Ben wants to get really cool jammies. Sweet little baby boy. :) We also talked about nursery "themes." I use this word lightly because I am fickle. I like variety. And I don't like the pastel cutesy colors being dominant. I looked at some stuff online, but there still isn't a whole lot the just jumps out at me. We will see what my mom and I find on Sunday.

Tiiiiiiiiireeeeed

That was meant to be said in a whiny voice.

I am so freakin exhausted. It was such a busy, busy weekend and it went by too fast. After the ultrasound on Friday, it seemed as though I was on the phone for the rest of the night, which I probably was. Ben and I did go out to eat downtown So.noma. On Saturday I had my last training for the Marine Mammal Center. Then I went downtown to shop for last minute things for my upcoming trip with friend D. It was late when I got home. On Sunday, I somehow had convinced myself to volunteer at the animal shelter adoption and info booth. I think it is because I miss the kitties :(. Anyhow, that was fine, but since it was at a fair in the square (ha! that rhymes!), I couldn't really drive and park (there was a parade too). I convinced Ben to drop me off and I would walk home. This was a fine idea, except it was 95 degrees and I don't have shorts that fit anymore. I was so icky when I got home. Then I had to go to Target. Then I had to do laundry. It goes on and on. I didn't get to rest until about 10 last night. And then I didn't sleep very well because I kept thinking of all the stuff that needed to get done. I woke up when Ben's alarm went off and couldn't go back to sleep. Sucko.

Today has been so busy as well. I have so much work stuff to get done before I leave. I have been taking small breaks to update bills, print out travel info, buy attraction tickets, etc. Tonight is my yoga class and I have a feeling there will be a nap during shavasna. Then I have to go to the bank and the grocery store. And I see more laundry in my future. Tomorrow bodes the small, except that I have my final presentation for the MMC and graduation. Remind me again why I thought it would be a good idea to leave SFO at 7 am on Thursday? That means I have to get up at 3 to leave at 4 to be at the airport by 5:30. :(

Baby Boy has been kicking up a storm today. I feel him take his naps every so often, but he has been very active today. :) I love feeling him move around.

Ugh, I just want to lay down and sleeeeeeeeppppppp!

You Have Stolen My Heart...

Everyone hears the stories from mom's to be, but you just can't truly believe until it happens to you. On Friday afternoon, I fell head over heels in love...with my son. :) Baby Lahman is A BOY!

Ok, so I will start from the beginning. My ultrasound was supposed to be on Thursday afternoon. When I made this appointment, the receptionist told me to drink 16 oz of water 2 hours before and another 16 1 hour before. And I did. What she failed to mention, or I failed to grasp was that the whole 32 needed to be drank completely 1 hour before the appointment. I finished mine about 30 minutes before. Needless to say, my bladder was not as full as it needed to be. We barely got to see the baby before the tech said we would need to reschedule. Now, I have heard from several pregnant friends that this was BS and they could have done it anyway. But they got us in the very next day and I didn't want to raise a stink. It was my fault.

Well, the next day I had all the water down and I WAS IN PAIN, I had to pee soooo bad. Ben had to help me into the hospital and up onto the bed. The exam went very well and I was allowed to pee after about 10 minutes. Then the real fun started. :) We saw so much of our baby. We watched as the tech took phot after photo of the arms, legs, feet, organs, head...and then she said we were having a baby boy. I started bawling. I just laid there, and held Ben's hand and watched our son, crying. I wasn't just looking at my baby. I was looking at my baby boy, at my son. It was definately one of the best hours of my life. We saw him flip around and move his arms and legs. We saw him open his little mouth and touch his little face. And we did get some pictures. :)

I love this one because it is like you are looking down at the baby all curled up in your arms.

Yep, it's a BOY! :)

I love this one too, because he is touching his little face and it was right before he opened his mouth. :)

And of course, here are the 19 week and 20 belly shots.

Ok, this was the 19 week. And I know it looks huge. I swear sometimes my husband figures out how to use the zoom and others he plays dumb. Like in the 20 week picture:




We do have to go back for another ultrasound when we get back from our trip. The tech couldn't get a good picture of all 4 heart chambers together. Thus far, baby boy Lahman is right on track. He is an estimated 10 inches and 12-13 ounces. He has long legs and a strong heartbeat. Keep growing baby boy! :)

Baby Day #5

Yay! Today is the big 20 week anatomy scan! I am so excited to see my baby again, and to find out if it's a boy or a girl! :)

I am not so excited about the 32 ounces of water I have to drink. Peanut is currently moving all around, and will hopefully continue to do so for the next 4 hours. I had a talk with Peanut this morning on my drive in and explained that he/she needed to be active today for the ultrasound.

I am also picking up my bridesmaid dress! Fingers crossed!

Take Me Out to the Ballgame....

...or at least buy me a ballpark hotdog!

Let me tell you, I have been craving the ballpark style hotdogs in the past few days. I had one when I was down on the pier this past weekend, and it was soooooo good. My husband is going to a Gi.ants game this evening with some work people and he was talking about the hotdogs last night. It made me super jealous... :)

My other latest craving this week: Nestle Crunch bars. I bought a bag of the mini ones yesterday and I have eaten most of them. I had to force myself to eat a poptart this morning for breakfast before I could eat any of them....which was what I really wanted for breakfast.

Ah, no judgement can be passed on a pregnant woman and her cravings! :)

Long Days

The past couple weeks and the upcoming couple weeks are proving to be quite tiring and busy. This past weekend was no exception. :(

On Friday, we had a big meeting that pretty much took up all day. Friday evening Ben and I had dinner with Chris to go over our living situations, etc. Neither of them have any opinions and Ben was not being very helpful. Do I feel as though we got anything accomplished? Not really. Do I feel like we have a concrete timeframe for anything? Nope. On the way home from dinner, it was raining. Ben decided that I needed new windshield wipers, so we have to stop to get some. No joke. And we got the heavy duty, Teflon kind. I can't remember the name of them, but even I have to admit, they are really really nice. Anyway, by the time we got home it was after 8, and we had to get everything ready for the next day.

Saturday was another training day at TMMC, this one being at Pier 39. As hard as it was for me to get up at 7 on a Saturday morning, it was actually kinda nice to be down on the Pier at that time. It wasn't so crowded, and you could hear the sea lions barking away, smell the seafood start cooking, and smell the salty water. It was actually really nice. Training was fine, and we took a tour of the pier to learn where pertinent places were. Plus, I got a pier hot dog...they are so super yummy. We spent alot of time watching the sea lions and stuff. And I spent a good chunk of change in the MMC store and Aquarium store, for Peanut and my friends' shower gifts (one boy and one girl). (Sidenote: Although I love gift registeries, I hate buying off of them. People get other gifts from me unless I really don't know them that well. I use them as a launching pad for my gift ideas.)

Pregnancy Note: I spent a good 20 minutes wandering around the second level of the parking garage, looking for my car. How many times did I walk past it? Probably about 5. The garage looked completely different to me that morning and I guess I was too distracted to really pay attention to where I parked. Plus I really wanted a hot chocolate from the fudge store. At least I remembered what level it was. This walking, coupled with the hikes around the Pier made me very very tired.

When I got home I had to go to the grocery store. Yes, I had too. We usually go on Thursday nights, but we didn't this week. I forget why. If I hadn't gone on Saturday, I would not have been able to go until Wednesday, leaving us with no food. By the time I got home, it was 8.

On Sunday, I did get to sleep in. But I didn't fall asleep until about 1 that morning because I was trying to get stuff done and ready for the next day. I did make myself my weekend brunch of scrambled eggs and ketchup, bacon, and waffles. Then I went back to the City to go shopping with friend G. I needed to get wedding shoes (which I found. Z will be pleased that I don't have to bedazzle a pair of crocs.). I also got 2 new bras from VS. Let me just say that I know they measured be wrong, and I almost asked to measure myself. Countless bras later, I ended up with 2 new BBV's in 38C. I also got Z's wedding present. :) We had to do quite a bit of hiking to get it.

When I got home, I was spent. I did manage to make dinner, clean the kitchen up and do some laundry. My apartment is so messy that I want to cry. I made myself a little cleaning schedule for this week. I hate leaving my apartment dirty when I go on trips. However, Ben will be in the apartment for about a week by himself, so I can't really garuntee what I will come home to. :(

Tonight I have yoga. Tomorrow I have errands to run during the workday, and then I have more training. So maybe on Wednesday I will finally be able to have an early evening and relax. Fingers crossed.

The Monthly Sigh of Relief

Ok, I don't know if this is just me, or other pregnant first-time moms feel this way, but every month when I go into the doctor and hear the wonderful galloping heartbeat of my baby, I smile and feel an immediate rush of relief. Kinda like "Yes! I made it through another month and the baby is ok!"

Now I am probably just a teeny (or a ton) paranoid because this is my first baby, and I don't know what is normal and what isn't. My mother can tell me until she is blue in the face that everything is ok, and no, Guiliani using me as a trampoline in the middle of the night will not hurt the baby, but I still worry about things that are probably (and most often) perfectly fine. I am a worry wort and a control freak about certain things. I want to be a good mother, and that starts now, while Peanut is still flutter-kicking in my uterus.

It is just a big relief to me, to hear that I have kept my baby safe for another 4 weeks, like I want to be doing.

So yeah, my doctor's appointment was yesterday. And I was right in saying that it was going to be uneventful. We went over the results of my AFP screening, which were all negative. We talked about my ultrasound next week and what to expect. We talked about my evil dentist and why it was good to cancel the massive quantities of drilling she wanted to do. We listened to Peanut's heartbeat, which has gotten so much louder and so fast. :) Good little Peanut.

The only thing of concern was my weight gain. I gained 1.5 pounds since my last visit. Now, I should say that in the beginning when I was nauseous, I lost 15 pounds. This was between my first and second visit. Then I had gained probably 10 or 12 of that back. Now I am almost at my original weight....but the belly is growing. The doctor was not overly concerned with this, and he said that he ideally wanted me to gain about 2 pounds per month in the upcoming months. That puts my total pregnancy weight gain at 20-25 pounds, with about 7 of that being baby (hopefully!). He said I am doing fine, just to make sure I am getting enough to eat. I told him that I haven't been hungry too often because I have been drinking so much. He said to drink more milk and that should help.

And Peanut is moving up a storm this afternoon. I have been stationary most of the day, becuase we had a big project meeting. Ever since I started typing this, I feel Peanut about 2 inches below my belly button and to the right. It feels so wonderful. :)

Only 6 more days till we find out Peanut's flavor! :)

Baby Day #4

So today is another doctor's appointment. I have no large expectations for this visit, as I know my 20 anatomy scan is next week. I am assuming we will just go over the basics. But at least I will hear Peanut again...or the heartbeat anyway.

I do want to get my questions answered. In addition to the ones I mentioned yesterday, I want to find out when the best time to do the 3-D and 4-D ultrasound would be.

Oh, let's talk about cravings. I was talking to Ben last night about how his baby doesn't like red meat (seriously, I feel sick after I eat it. This may just be because I like my steaks cooked medium and no more. Now I have to cook the hell out of them to well done and it is like eating leather.). We got to talking about the things I have been eating. There are definite patterns, or at least extreme preferences.

1. Scrambled eggs with ketchup. On weekends I eat this for breakfast and dinner. During the week when there are left overs for Ben, I eat them for dinner.

2. Waffles. Again, eat them all the time, usually with the eggs. but I always make extra and then toast them.

3. Rice Krispies....yep, still on that kick. This is usually my nightime snack.

4. Peaches.

5. Extra Salty Chex Mix. I have made 3 batches already and each time, more seasoning salt is added.

6. Movie Theater Butter Popcorn. YUM-O. I don't let myself eat this very often, as it is probably not good for Peanut. But it still gets consumed and quite quickly.

7. Pecans. I mean the raw kind that haven't been salted and are used for baking.

8. Salad bar Ranch Dressing. OMG, I seriously want to fill up a little bowl and just eat it like soup.

9. Chinese Food. This is my main intake of veggies. Although, I did read that right now is about the time when the baby starts tasting all the different foods in the amniotic fluid, so it is a good time to start eating veggies (I guess to give the baby an early aptitude for them). So I guess I have to start loading up.

I have done pretty good with not mixing thing together. I think the scrambled eggs with ketchup is about as wierd as it has gotten so far. When I start dipping the waffles in the ranch dressing, I will let you know. :)

The Belly Shots

So I know I have been slacking in putting up the belly shots. Here is my excuse. I am not the best photographer. Neither is my husband. Therefore, more often than not, our pictures need cropped and other wonderful photoshop editing before they can be presented to the world. With that said, I have photshop on my laptop and on our desktop. However, my laptop hates the internet, so I can edit the pictures on my laptop, but there they sit. The desktop is in our guest room, no where near the couch. Get where I am going with this? Although I use my husband's laptop, I am not about to ask if I can put photoshop onto it (I pick my battles).


So without further ado:


The 17 week belly shot:

Some things of note in this picture: I had to take it myself in the mirror. That is why it looks blurry. Apparently I just shake for no reason at all. Also, I had to twist slightly to get my arms into position to hold the camera, so my belly is actually appearing smaller than it is. Oh, and see how big the ta-tas are becoming? :( On a fun note: see the new down comforter in the background? :)

And the 18 week belly shot: Ben took this one. I think I look mis-shapen as he cut off my upper body completely. Also Guiliani has made an appearance. He is such a clingy kitty. :)

Adjustments

As I dive further and further into being pregnant, I notice myself making minor adjustments in my everyday schedule. And these are adjustments that I have already made adjustments on. I like to think this makes me a flexible person. :)

These adjustments include:

Taking the extra few minutes in the morning and the evening to thoroughly rub in my stretch mark lotion. Now, this may not seem like a big deal, but the exhaustion I feel from growing this tiny person inside me screams for the extra minutes to spent sleeping. And trust me....I RUB IT IN. I have already gone through 2 bottles.

I don't eat lunch anymore. Instead I eat a huge breakfast which usually consists of some type of breakfast sandwich and fruit; eggs, some type of breakfast meat and waffles; or cereal (like 2 bowls) and fruit. Then I snack until dinner, which is also a sizable meal. And of course I then have my before bed snack.

I floss my teeth about 20 times a day. I don't know why. Sometimes I even floss when I haven't eaten anything. I think it feels good on my gums.

I sleep with a pillow between my knees now. It is a huge body pillow that also allows me to wrap my arms around it. I also have my other 3 pillows surrounding me in a protective pillow fort of sorts. Oh and there's the cat pillow at the foot of the bed.

These are things I didn't used to do. Things that let me know that my life is indeed changing. :)

Oh, and my butt hurts. No, seriously....it kills me on the left side. Sometimes so much so that I can't shift my weight from one side to the other, bend down, roll onto my other side, or even stand up....This is probably something I should mention to the doctor tomorrow, right?

This is my list of things to talk to the Doc about:
- my butt pain
- the psycho mouthwash and dental plan my dentist gave me
- the lamaze options I have found
- what happens if we move to a different town
- and my bloodwork

Day By Day

You know the feeling you get when you are at the airport or driving in a car, coming home after a vacation? That feeling that you aren't on vacation anymore but you aren't really back to normal life at home? It's a transitional feeling, right? Personally, I f'n hate this feeling.

That is the feeling I have today and I just want it to be over. I don't like the inbetween feeling, especially when I don't really know what I am feeling inbetween of. I just want to be in one place or another, whether it be location or position in life.

Because of this feeling, I woke up sometime last night (I don't really know what time it was because I refused to look at the clock) and had the sudden urge to check our bank balances. I don't know, I am just obsessive like that. I didn't check them, but I had wierd banking dreams for the rest of the night.

It has been a busy busy morning. I have been running around and making phone calls. The weather outside is gloomy and gray, so that doesn't help my mood.

I guess I am not really in a bad mood, just a tight and wound-up mood. I am getting the same advice from everyone: "stop worrying and just take things day by day."

Honestly, I have been trying to do that. Really. I am just a control freak that has to know exactly what is going on at all times and how I can be ontop of the situation. I can't just be a passive person. I have relaxed alot over the years, but I still have the obsessive streak in me that rears its ugly head from time to time. Seriously, it is not even the situation itself that is stressing me out. It is the fact that the outcome of the situation is a big fat question mark right now. Ah, the transitional phase feeling yet again. I will feel much better once I know what needs to get done and I feel in control again.

I have been hugging my belly all day, silently asking for my tiny bell pepper-sized baby to kick my hands or something to let me feel less alone. So far, nada. Come on, Peanut.

Where Has All The Hunger Gone?

Today I am 18 weeks preggers. I will try to comemorate the day with a belly shot. I still have the 17 week belly on my camera....but I haven't had the time to post it yet.

Anyway, ever since the good old doctor told me that I needed to drink way way more, I have been. I used to drink what I thought was quite a bit: a glass of milk or coke in the morning (Hey! Sometimes I need the caffeine, ok?), a juice or water at lunch, water in the afternoon, milk or juice with dinner, and more water before bed. It is still the same but with added in water. For instance, today I drank some sprite this morning (my tummy hurt a little), a water before lunch, a pomegranate lemonade with lunch (so, so good), and I just refilled my water bottle again. So my doctor would definately be happy with me....I have already peed 5 times today.

However, my hunger has lulled. My tummy is so full of liquid, there doesn't seem to be much room for food. I am trying to munch here and there and still eating lunch and dinner, but breakfast has been harder (it has always been hard for me to eat breakfast...I don't think my stomach wakes up along with the rest of my body).

I guess I am slightly concerned that I am not eating enough. :( I know Peanut is getting bigger, as my belly is. But still. I will mentioned to the doctor next week.

Other than that the week has been ok....better than last week for sure. My bridesmaid dress came! And it fits in all the big places...and that is about it. I have to chop about a foot of fabric off of it, and take in the shoulders. I have also decided that a small panel of leftover fabric needs to be sewn into the v-neck to prevent any appearances of certain body parts during the wedding.

I have actually gotten alot done this week, at least in terms of househould administrative things that needed to be done...aka phone calls to credit cards and other agencies, filling prescriptions, organizing finances, etc. I even planned out a menu for grocery shopping, which I haven't done in AGES (more like months, but still....feels like forever.)

Ben and I are communicating alot better this week and the outlook is much better than I previously thought. I will keep thinking positively and sending out good vibes....come on law of attraction.

I still haven't been sleeping very well though. :( Therefore, neither are the kitties. Layla was sleeping on the bed with me the other night, and she has been alot more cuddly. (Sidenote: I was just informed at the shelter event that I went to that she was abused! Apparently her old owner beat her and threw her outside to rid her. Then the poor little kitty got knocked up and kept coming back because she was hungry and such. Finally the lady brought her into the shelter. :( Seriously, who does that? From there, she had to be fixed and the kittens terminated because she was too small and sickly to give birth to them (I knew that part). Poor little thing!)

Oh, and I went to Target the other day and I always scope out the baby stuff. This visit I chose to look at breast pumps and bottles. I seriously FREAKED OUT. I was so overwhelmed by the different kinds of pumps, bottles, nipples, sterilizers, warmers, liners....I thought my head was going to explode. I realized I knew NOTHING about these things and have started reading about them online. I even found a website that allows you to compare the different kinds of pumps side by side. It also leads you through the different features and things you may want in a pump.

Despite my increasing knowledge, next time I go into Target, I think I will look at booties and socks. :)

One Weight Off The Shoulders

As I have mentioned recently, it has been a pretty stressful few weeks for me and my husband. However, I would like to say that something good did happen today.

J.Cre.w sent me an email saying that my bridesmaid dress had been shipped out a few days earlier than the pushed send date. That is good. They didn't upgrade the shipping, but I figure that is ok. As long as it gets here by Saturday, I should be able to have it altered in plenty of time. Now I am praying that it fits and the baby belly has not expanded my figure so much. According to the size charts, I am well within the safety area and most likely it will just be huge. Good. :)

Stress is not good for the baby. :( I know, duh. But I didn't realize how bad stress actually was for the baby until I ended up in the hospital. I don't want to have to go back there. I am drinking like a fiend now, consuming more beverage than food. I am seriously drinking so much that I am not hungry. When I get hungry, I drink milk or juice while looking for something to eat and the hunger goes away. I didn't eat nearly as much this weekend as I could have. I haven't decided if this is a good thing or a bad thing.

So far this week is starting off on a better foot. I have been catching up from Friday and getting everything back in line. I am trying not to freak out like I was last week. I am trying not to worry so much about stuff, and just take it a day at a time. I am not like my husband who lives by "prep for the worst, hope for the best." I go by "If it isn't right in front of me, then I can't see it and don't have to worry about it," and "don't tell me until I need to really worry." I can't decide if the arising situations are being exaggerated slightly (or immensely) due to the increased moodiness from the Chan.tix. My husband is a realistic pessimist....I am a paranoid naive optimist. It makes for interesting arguments.

In brighter news still, my mom and grandma found a location for the baby shower. My mom says it will work well, and can be easily decorated. I requested a funfetti cake, with the christmas type "fetti." I think my mom thinks I am nutso, but I love, love, love me some funfetti. :) I feel Peanut moving around every now and then. It is a very wierd feeling, to have something moving in you. But it is a great one at that. I have discovered two types of Peanut movement. One is the gushing air feeling I previously described. I like to visualize Peanut dancing and twirling around. The other is a thump. During this one I visualize Peanut kicking or punching the wall of my uterus. :) Feisty little thing. I feel the gushing one more often.

Unintentional Punishment

Last night I went to bed around 11 and read for a bit before falling asleep. I must have been asleep for about an hour before I woke with a jolt. I felt like something was off, not with the baby, but with my sleeping situation. I layed in bed for about 20 minutes trying to decide what it was. Finally, I got up to go to the bathroom and I realized what was wrong. Guiliani was not sleeping on my head. Not only was he not there when I got up to go to the potty, he hadn't been there when I got in bed or fell asleep. This is unusual because he at least always jumps up on the bed for a bit before I fall asleep, even if he leaves for a while before settling in for the night.

I walked around the apartment and looked for him. Layla was asleep under the air vent on the armchair like always. He wasn't behind the curtains, pretending to be a nighttime hunter. He wasn't in the windows, nor in the guest room. I was starting to get a little worried. I started turning lights on, because I didn't have my contacts in or glasses on and I am blind as a bat, and I thought maybe I just missed him in the dark. Layla just sat on her chair smuggly, as I walked through the apartment calling for him.

Then it hit me. I had opened the coat/junk closet near the kitchen to get out more paper towel. Being the curious kitty he is, Guiliani had run in and neither Ben nor I had realized it. Sure enough, when I opened the door, the kitty ran out and rubbed up on my legs. Poor little thing had been in there for about 3+ hours, probably thinking he would be in there all night for some type of punishment. I felt so bad. Poor kitty. :(

I slept fine after that, with him purring happily on my head.

The Start Of Baby Mayhem

Yesterday Ben and I went to Babies R Us to begin our registery. I know it is a bit early as both our showers are months away, but the next few months prove very busy and stressful for both of us. We agreed earlier that we would choose the larger items together, and then I would take care of the rest with someone else, which incidently turns out to be my mom and best friend in Ohio! :)

So we signed up at the registery station, along with some other people who I had some qualms with but oh well. While I was filling out the paperwork, Ben wandered around the store only to return and say "Man, this $h!! is expensive." I calmly explained that it always is with a first baby and that is why you register. A few minutes and several instructions later, we were armed with the zappy gun and plenty of info, along with the list of things that I had been scoping out online, and heading into the depths of baby mayhem.

Ben had a lot of fun pushing the strollers around. I should say that he was racing them around, taking hairpin turns, and crashing them into columns and shelving to "test their durablity." He actually finds things wrong with products that I would never even think to look for. We chose our stroller/travel system, high chair, play yard, swing, crib, and changing table. Those were the big things on my list. Since he likes to use the zappy gun (who doesn't!?), we also chose a bath tub and one of those floor entertainment thingies (don't remember what it was called). And I really, really wanted one of those Fisher Price Wonder Aquariums for the crib. After that we called it a day.

We decided that we want to get a new dresser set for our bedroom, and give the baby our old one. Ben says it can easily be refinished, so that is what we are going to do. I am excited to go back and finish our registery once we know if we are having an Anthony or a Madeline. :)

On a completely different note, the next few months are going to be pretty hard on us, both mentally and financially. The is a large impending debt that potentially looms in the horizon, that I was unaware of until this week. It has been causing my husband a great deal of stress (which is a gross understatement), and has been on his mind for weeks. He finally told me about it, and I am not sure of what we are exactly going to do to handle what may happen. All I know is that we will get through it somehow. We have each other and the baby, and I would do anything to protect us. I am trying really hard to be supportive and optimistic, but he knows how stressed I get about money. Ben has always done a wonderful job providing for me, and I know this kills him and really worries him. He even admitted that he is afraid that I will take the baby and leave him....but it's in the vows right? For better, for worse. We will handle this somehow. I try not to worry about it, but it does prove difficult, especially spending so much time alone to think. I am trying to be strong.

Enough about that. :) I just needed to get it off my chest.

The 16 Week Belly Shot

Ah, the long awaited belly picture. A couple of things: this was taken at 16 weeks, and now I am 17. My husband is not the best photographer and took the shot from a behind side angle, making my belly look larger than it is. Also, he zoomed way in, so things are quite out of proportion if you are looking at it as a normal picture. Thankfully, you can't see the bodacious ta-tas, but you can see the green box that holds the baby bassinett. :)

So here it is:

How Much Would You Pay For Piece Of Mind?

For us, $100 seemed like a bargain price.

Last night was a rough night. I have previously mentioned that my husband started Ch.antix in order to quit smoking. He has been doing very well on it so far and has really cut back on his smoking. Immensely cut back. Now, I don't see him that much, so I don't really know his side effects more than what he tells me, but I have noticed him being moody and more irritable. Upon further conversations with his cousin and brother, I learn that he has been an @$$ at work. Well, it has been one of those weeks for me and I was all on edge yesterday evening as well. This was just a recipe for diaster.

We blew up at each other, and he left the house leaving me to clean up the remnants of our argument...we throw things when we are really angry, although he seems to have a better arm than me. Anyway, after about 45 minutes I got a little worried about him because I know he is on this drug and is very irrational when he is angry without the aid of the prescription. He didn't answer when I called him, so I enlisted the aid of some others, his brother and his best friend in NC. Neither proved more successful. Then I checked our bank website and noticed a $500 withdrawl. That is when the irrational panic and anxiety played its hand. I lost my mind, I swear.

Now, I tend to over react to many situations, and I know where this stems from. I panic and I can't calm down until I have control again. At this point, I hadn't eaten or drank anything in about 6 hours. I was hungry, and I tried to munch a sandwich but with little success.

About 9 pm, I started hyperventilating (I am not going to detail the entire argument and happenings as it is irrelevant). I threw up about 3 times and noticed a bloody mucous in the sink (I can't throw up in the toilet, it makes things worse). Then I felt 3 rapid cramps that felt like someone punching me in the stomach that knocked me to the ground. I was terrified and we dropped everything and hightailed it to the ER.

After several hours, the doctor (who looked high, no joke) informed me that everything was ok and I was just suffering from high stress and dehydration, both leading to lack of sleep this week, and my cramps and nausea. I am not drinking enough and worrying too much. He made me down 1000 cc of water which was hard, and he wouldn't let me leave until I kept it all down. Thankfully, I didn't need to stay overnight. He told me to take a sick day and rest. Drink lots of fluids and don't go anywhere for the weekend. REST AND DRINK.

Trust me, nothing sobers up a fight like the possibility of something happening to your baby. For a fearful two hours I did nothing but rub my stomach and repeat "Please let my baby be ok" over and over in my head.

We have a $100 copayment for the emergency room. Which to me seemed like a little amount to pay for the amount of fear I was having.

All is well now. Of course there is no easy way of telling your parents who live across the country that you were in the ER the night before without worrying them. I have been sleeping and drinking all day....doctor's orders.

The Silver Lining

You know that expression "when it rains, it pours?" Well, that seems to be a very fitting theme for this week. It has been a stressful week, starting on Sunday night. This was the evening that my husband took a friend to bail his girlfriend (the friend's, not my husband's :) ) out of jail. My husband is always about the "fastest route" so he decided to take this windy mountain road. I should add this is only a faster route during the day when traffic is backed up on the highways. I called him at about 10 to find out where everything was at, and he says "I wrecked my car." Now, when you hear this, don't flashing red lights go off in your head and your stomach plummets?

It turns out that he swerved to miss a deer. Remember how I said it was a windy MOUNTAIN road? Well, he went off the road and hit some rocks or something.

So this week has been mostly about fixing the mechanical aspects (which is hella cheap since he works for an automotive shop and gets parts at cost and doesn't have to pay most labor costs). However, the body work was the biggest concern. On Monday night, he tried to demostrate on some foil what his car looked like. It was not good. He is working on getting the estimates for repair and we could possibly have to take out an insurance claim. Also not good. I have been stressing over this all week.

He brought the car home last night because the mechanical work was done. Since he has today off, I finally got to see the car this morning.

THE DAMAGE IS NOT BAD AT ALL. Yes, it is a bit dented in some areas and the paint is scrapped. It looks like he hit some rocks/small trees and maybe not the BOULDER he made it sound like. I totalled the front end of my car and needed about $6000 of body work alone. There is no way that doing the body work on his car will cost near that or anywhere near to that. I am guessing $1000 at the most and even that seems generous. Now, I am no car expert, but seriously. I am not taking out an insurance claim for that. No way. The silver lining in this situation? Hmmm....the fact that my husband exaggerates the extent of damage and needed repair finances. And that when I discover the exaggeration, I feel a ten thousand pound weight fly off my shoulders.

So in addition to that, there has been the dental stress. I still have not gotten a hold of the woman who can verify the amount of my "credit" from overpaying. Oh, she did call me back. But not on my cell phone as I asked, and she called to talk about "payment options for my upcoming dental work." Silver lining? Calling the office after hours to cancel my appointment and reschedule it, but alas...no one is there. Bub-bye dentist.

There's also the stress of tracking down my bridesmaid dress. I spent the better part of an hour on the phone with the J.Cr.ew peeps. They are being very helpful. Now, I ordered the largest size available in the dress in order to accomodate for Peanut's expanding belly condo and the burgeoning twins above it. Technically, do I need this size? Probably not. But I figured I could alter it in easily. The better news is that I got a dress for the rehearsal dinner that at the present moment fits me quite nicely and is a much smaller size than the bridesmaid dress even if by a different maker. Silver lining? I am a smaller size than anticipated and hopefully this will get me a dress if not the one I ordered. I will have faith in J.Cre.w until then I suppose.

I have also had headaches with credit cards. I played the balance transfer game to minimize finance charges way back in February. One of the offers just expired, which is no biggie cause the balance is small and I will pay it off this month. The big headache came from a card whose bill I paid online and somehow got reverted to my old bank info, bouncing back the payment which defaulted my special interest offers. I spent a good chunk of time on the phone with them, and got the late fee reversed (the payment was technically on time and they did not inform me of the situation until after the pay by date had passed) and the interest rates reinstated. This was enough time spent on it at this point and once the statement comes, I will call to reverse the finance charges from the 2 default days. Seriously, that is all it was. Silver lining? I have had almost all of my credit cards for 10 years now (coming up in 09) and rarely default on them. Because of this, I feel I have a bit of power when I call the companies to reinstate things. Fingers are crossed for the finance charges call.

Oh, and my health insurance sent me a letter saying that our premium is going up $100 per month in October. Nice. We can't even begin to think about switching until after Peanut is born. I had to explain this to Ben, that no company will willingly take on a new client when they know in a few months they will have to shuck of thousands of dollars. Silver lining: We don't pay our insurance premium, his company does. However, we may pay this increase. They also sent me information on Lamaze classes. That was nice I guess.

It just seems like it has been one of those weeks. It is just one thing after another. I haven't been sleeping well because of everything, so I am exhausted. And somehow I can never get into bed early, like I plan to. Something always comes up.

The best silver lining for this week? I am feeling Peanut move now. It happens quite frequently. Most often when I am laying down or sitting on the couch. It is such a wonderful, wonderful feeling.

Achooooo!

This is my last post for today, I swear :)

I have noticed that ever since Peanut set up camp in my uterus, I have been sneezing a lot more. Like 4-5 times per day. I am attributing this to my body ridding itself of harmful dust microbes before they reach Peanut. This is what I like to tell myself anyway.

My nausea has almost completely gone, except for when I brush my teeth (maybe because this reminds me of the gag inducing amount of money that needs to go into my mouth). I eat about every two hours...not a full meal, but something. I get mad cravings, like the rice krispie episodes (I have now downed 2 boxes in one week) and the most recent: tomatoes with fresh mozzarella and balsamic. I am still tired as all heck. The belly is continuing its daily expansion as are the girls. Seriously a full coverage cup has now become a demi on me, and an almost indecent one at that. Acne is still there, but I attack my face twice a day so it is getting better. Gas is atrocious and that is enough said. :)

Sharing your body with another person is no easy feat.

I Will Fight You, You Know

This morning I went in for the funfilled bacteria scan that was only going to take "5 minutes." It took 1 hour and 5 minutes. And I fought with my dentist. As a disclaimer, I tried really hard to bite my tongue and remind myself she was a professional and very knowledgable. She pushed me over the edge.

To make a long story short, I told her what my husband and I had decided on in terms of my dental work. This is fixing my broken tooth and calling it a day. It involves about $400 this year, plus a crown next year. This did not please the dentist. She re-explained what the grouping priorities were on my treatment plan (which I refer to now as my bankrupcty plan), and said that she had group that tooth with others so she would only have to numb my mouth once to do all the teeth in need of some kind of repair. However, the work needed on these teeth is not as extreme as the broken tooth, just really a matter of convenience. I continued to protest, as $2000 for the work in discussion is money I don't have to spend right now (kind of a lie, but all monies are being saved for maternity care, leave, and Peanut).

At this point, the dear dentist then brought up the idea of the Care.Cre.dit for funding the dental work. I do appreciate knowing my options and the thoroughness in which she explained it. I understand the process. And it is good to know that I could use it in the future for Las.ik, which I do plan on doing. However, this is not the point, and I told her that that wasn't something my husband and I really wanted to do at this point (we are looking to clean up our credit because we want to buy a house in the near future...I did not tell the dentist this because I felt it was not her business).

When I said, again, to just schedule the work for the broken tooth and NOTHING ELSE, she started to tell me how if I don't do this work, stuff can go wrong with the pregnancy and began throwing around scary terms. Now, again I appreciate knowing all the information and if she was genuinely concerned for myself or my unborn child, I appreciate that as well. However, using scare tactics to bully a patient into dropping the extra money didn't seem very professional. It could have been handled differently, and far more appropriately. I had said no at least 3 times at this point. I was beyond annoyed, as my doctor cautioned me against large amounts of dental work. So this is what I said:

"Look, no offense to you because I do value your opinion as a professional care provider and realize you are highly qualified to construct reccomendations on my oral care, but I am taking my treatment plan to my OB in order to get an ok on the procedures you have recommended. You have done your part in detailing the work that needs to be done. While I am sure you have treated pregnant women before, I am not apt to taking prenatal advice from a dentist, just as I would not ask my OB for recommendations or a diagnosis on teeth. Furthermore, I feel as though you are trying to scare me into agreeing to the more expensive work at this point."

I should add that I said this very politely and did not raise my voice.

I tried very hard not to over react, as I tend to do, but seriously. I was mad. And it did not seem as though this conversation took place out of concern for my and my child's health.

Anyhow, I went to pay for today's work. I expected it to be about $100, as my insurance is maxed. Also, I have not been billed for the past two times I have been in the office as expected and I did have xrays done. I was figuring my total dental bill should be pretty hefty, to the tune of $400+. X rays aren't cheap. I come to find out that I owed nothing because I had a credit. Where did this credit come from? Apparently I overpaid for my $2700 root canal, and rather than issuing me a refund, they just kept the money. Whatever.

I think I am switching dentists. No joke. What can it hurt?

Clusterf#@k

Ah, a word I have heard frequently used by best friend Z, and perfect to describe my current state of clutter.

As you may recall, I was recently concerned about the quantity of shimmer powders/lotions that I noticed on my dresser. Several of these products were rarely used or unopened. Why did I have them? Lord only knows. Why was I holding on to them? I AM A FREAKING PACK RAT.

I have definately entered into my nesting phase. I want to clean, clean, clean. And in efforts to do so, I have made a very important discovery.

I HAVE TOO MUCH CRAP. and it is mostly unneccessary crap (aka. the shimmer powders).

Maybe I didn't think it was unneeded at some point in my life, and maybe I am just going through a life-change, but still. I have never wondered where we spent all our money. Needless to say, most of it has to go. Examples of my cluster#*k, you ask?

Example 1: I cleaned out my makeup collection yesterday. Previously I had about three containers full of makeup products, again most of them unused. In all fairness, the majority of them were free gifts with purchase. However, they still needed to go. I took everything out of the containers and took inventory. 9 unused lipsticks. 9. I rarely wear lipstick. I tried on all 9 colors and picked one pale and one dark to keep. 10 lip glosses from various points in my VS career, along with 4 free sample glosses, some used and some not so much. Anything that was sticky and icky along the opening got pitched. All the free samples went into the trash. I kept 3. I had countless eyeshadows (I really didn't count them all) acquired from the same situations. I took survey of the colors, kept 5 individual colors and 3 palates (this may seem like alot, but it is truly a small percentage of what I had). I tossed mascaras, liners, powders, cremes. It was seriously ridiculous how much stuff I had.

Example 2: Cars. Now, this case is not as extreme, but I think 4 vehicles for two people is a bit extreme and is taking leaps toward becoming one of those white trash families with 17 broken down cars in their front yards. We have my car and my husband's car. We have the 1961 Thund.erbir.d that was a gift/bonus. And then there is the indestructable grand prix which was pronounced dead in order for a new car to be obtained for my husband, then was miraculously brought back to life and somehow ended up in our parking lot about 2 weeks ago. Now, Califo.rnia law specifies that you can't get registration on a car until you provide proof of insurance. This is not a huge deal except when you are already paying up the wazoo for car insurance on the two cars you have to have full coverage on and are not the best driver (I can admit this, and I have never claimed to be a great driver). Consequently, we have filed planned nonoperation on the T-bird and grand prix. So we can't really drive them. I don't want to get rid of the T-bird, but the grand prix can go. I have pestered my husband to take care of this. The cars are his domain and the only thing I ask him to have control over (or the only thing I let him...either or).

Those are the two things that I dealt with this weekend. Well, yesterday. There are several dozen areas more that this term can be applied to appropriately.

It's like a disease. :(