Friday, January 30, 2009

The Long Story, as much as Isaac lets me tell before he wants to eat....

First things, first: the updates... :)

Isaac is doing really well. We came home from the hospital on Wednesday afternoon and he had his first pediatrician's appointment on Thursday. He had dropped from 7lbs2oz to 6lbs8oz by his final hospital check up, so they had him on a supplemental formula until my milk came in. He did not like this made him gasy and he threw most of it up. He would chug it, so I had to warm it a bit to get him to slow it down. He doesn't really have any type of schedule yet. I am trying to rest when he does, but it is much to get done. Plus, I love to just stare at him when he is sleeping. He is so adorable and perfect. I can't believe he was still in my belly this time last week.

I am doing well also. I am still pretty sore, but the um...bleeding is dying off and i feel more like myself. I weighed myself today, just to see. I am half a pound below my pre-pregnancy weight with my clothes on and heavy milk boobs! How does that happen? Ben is doing fine. He is really stepping up as a new daddy, and we are figuring out a good system and haven't really barked at each other yet even with the exhaustion. He is very understanding of how tired I am, and always lets me sleep when I ask him to stay up with the baby.

Ok...the birth story. :) (Warning: many contain lots of things considered TMI)

So last Sunday I woke up to a bit more dampness than usual. I noticed a little bit of a snotty-ish discharge with some pinky streaks. I didn't really think anything of it, but gave the doctor a quick call and left a message, not requesting a call from the doc. A nurse called me back and told me to put on a pad and give it an hour or so, since I was so doubtful that it was anything at all, which I kept saying. I went to BRU to meet friend H for lunch and I felt it only fair to tell her what was going on. We stayed at BRU for about an hour and browsed, picked up some of the things I needed and got ready to do our exchange. Just as we were heading up to the checkout, I felt a large gush, like I had just peed my pants. I excused myself to the bathroom, and water had just officially broken. I noted the COAT (Color,Odor, Amount, Time) and cleaned up a bit. (In case you were wondering, which I am sure you weren' was clear and pink, very sweet smelling, alot of it, and it was 12:30 pm-ish). I went back to H and told her for sure my water had broken but I was still insistent on finishing up at the store. No joke, I had just spent all that time there and I wanted to finish.

Once we got to the car about 15 minutes later, I called Ben, who was definately in disbelief. Once I convinced him that I was indeed serious, we agreed to meet at home. I called the Dr. and left another message, this time requesting to speak to the doctor himself. H insisted on following me home to make sure contractions didn't drive me off the road or something. At this point, I felt no contractions other than the little period-cramplets I had been feeling all week. The Dr. called me back and told me that I needed to head to the hospital ASAP and that he was not on that day but would call to get updates from the on call doctor. The drive home was filled with calls to my mother, grandmother, and several other people. I need a distraction because the drive was taking a long time...I seemed to get stuck behind every single slow person. Once I got home, H helped Ben and me finish up packing (NOTE: for anyone reading this who may be packing their own hospital bag in the near future, I have a few suggestions: take your own maxis with flexi wings. The ones provided by he hospital are old school and very diaper like along with the mesh panties. They were great for the first day after delivery especially with the ice pack but after that, I felt like I was wearing a big diaper...take your own robe...way easier to nurse with a robe then undo the gown sleeves.)

We left for the hospital about 2:30...yes it took me about an hour to get home, half an hour to get ready to leave and I insisted on eating something...a milkshake (suggestion from a friend who recently gave birth). At this point I still had not changed my clothes and still looked like I peed my pants. Yes, all that time and I hadn't had the time to change. Plus I figured they might want to see the fluid...I dunno. Anyway,we got to the hospital about 3:30 and they were indeed waiting for me. The nurse put me in a gown and checked me in (yay! paperwork already in!)...she asked a few questions and confirmed that I was indeed a keeper. Ben went to get the bags and I had my first water indeed broke. I was 1 cm dialated, 80% effaced. I had started feeling some contractions in the car ride over, and timed them at about 20 seconds every 7-8 minutes.

Op...Isaac is calling! More to come. :)

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Unexpected Arrival

To make a long story short, the long story eventually to be told, I was in Babies R Us on Sunday and my water broke. Really broke. Like, oh my god it looks like I peed in my pants broke. 26 hours later, I was holding Isaac Benjamin Lahman in my arms. He was born at 37w3d and is absolutely perfect. He is 18.5 inches and 7 lbs. 2 oz with a full head of dark hair. I am absolutely in love with my son. :)

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Nursery Update

I had a very productive day today! The nursery is almost complete. I work my behind off and couldn't even relax for a nap even though I was so tired. I just laid on the couch an thought about the room. Almost all the clothes are washed, there are just two small loads left. I still need to find a rug, letters to spell his name, a trashcan, and a shelf. I am really glad I got so much done today. It really looks like a baby room now. :)

I am meeting friend H tomorrow at the dreaded Babies R Us tomorrow. I called customer service today and they were very helpful. I was looking at the overcharged items while working in the room and noticed there were new item number stickers over the old ones. This is why they didn't ring up correctly or show up on my registry. EVEN THOUGH THEY WERE THE EXACT SAME ITEM. I peeled one of the new stickers off and saw the old number beneath it and matches the number and price point on the registry print out. H agreed to go with me, even though I warned her that it may not be pretty. I also need a few other little things and have a couple more things to return that after spending the day baby-fying, I realized we don't need. After this BRU trip, we are going to hit Cheese.cake Fac.tory. Screw the blood sugar, I am getting a big slice! :)

I had several dreams about BRU last night. That is just how neurotic I am these days. :(

Friday, January 23, 2009


Ben and I have named Baby Lahman! Yay, he has a name and we love it! But...we are keeping it a secret until he arrives. We have had too many comments on names we come up with and too many people pushing the names they like. Everybody has an opinion. :)

The doctor's appointment went well. I really, really like our doctor. He is so laid back and mellow. I can go in there completely stressed out and ramped up and he always calms me down and explains that everything is perfectly normal. I lost another pound (in a week!) putting me at a loss of 2.5 pounds so far for January. The doctor seemed very unconcerned by this and assured me the baby was growing fine. With the 12 pounds I lost in the beginning, this puts my net weight gain at 15 pounds above my starting weight. He doesn't anticipate that I will gain much more weight if any, and will most likely continue to lose weight at this point. He didn't have a ped. rec. for us, but suggested some areas to look. I will have to remember to ask the people I work with. We went over my time off, and my last official working day is 2/6. Two weeks from today. :) Originally we didn't exactly budget for this extra time, but I sooooo need the rest. This is assuming Peanut does not appear early. Oh, and I do not have Strep B, which is great because I am allergic to penicillin. No pelvic exam was done and I don't know when he is planning to do one. Part of me really wants to know if the labor process has started at all, and part of me doesn't...the part that is terrified that it hasn't and is no where close to starting. We will see next week I guess.

The nursery is coming along. I made the trip to the dreaded BRU tonight and spent.....2 hours doing the registry completion. AND....I have t go back because they overcharged me....wait for it....$10. Yep, that is just how neurotic I am feeling. Ben suggested that I call customer service tomorrow because BRU is kinda far away from us, and something tells us that TRU will not be helpful in the slightest. The good news: there is really only one thing that I wanted to get that I did not, which was the newborn bottle starter set, but we will not be needing that in the near future. I also have to do a return eventually, because I bottle a set of newborn bottle nipples that we already had. I didn't realize they came with the bottles we had. The breast pump kinda scares me, even though I have seen someone use it and know that it is not. Tomorrow is a hardcore baby room day. Hopefully I can get most of it done. :)

Also....My blood sugar as been really low today. It is suppose to be less than 90 when I wake up, which it was 87, and less than 130 an hour after I eat....and after breakfast it was 86, lunch 92, and after ice cream in the afternoon, 75. I ate dinner late, so I am waiting to take my reading. I am not sure what low readings mean, but hopefully it isn't bad.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

All Things Baby

Today is our 37 week appointment! But I will get to my thoughts on that in a moment.

First things first: The Baby Shower! It was sooo much fun and I had such a great time. It was nice and small with just my friends, so it was not as overwhelming as the big Ohio shower. The most important aspect of the shower, to me, was to get to see everyone before Peanut arrives. It made me really happy to see all my friends and to have them celebrate this time with me. K did a really wonderful job hosting, and kept the cutesy baby stuff to an extreme minimum to my delight. I thoroughly enjoyed the mimosas, especially after months of no alcohol. :) And of course, my favorite part, the cake, which was D-E-LICIOUS. I still got overwhelmed opening all the's something about the bags of teeny baby things that all have to be held up to view and oohed and aahed over. I talked to Ben on my way home, and he asked what we got. My response was "um....alot of bags of baby stuff and a swing (which was the only single item I could distinctly remember)." I have to say that my very favorite part of the shower, even topping the mimosas and cake :), was having Z there. It meant so much to me that she flew in just for the weekend and that short time. She also documented the shower, so I should have pictures to post. :)

We got so many great things from the shower, really boosting my "we are ready for the baby" level. Ben, being the ever patient husband that he is (which is very hard for him, let me tell you), took me to Tar.get on Monday night to do the registry completion. He was very good in the store, most likely because we got the video camera and he was anxious to play with it. We are really excited about it because it is memory card camera and is really lightweight. Oh, and its and HD camera (which everything has to be these days with Ben). We wanted this particular one so we can send videos to the family back east and such easily. It works just like a digital camera. The baby's room is definately packed with all things baby now. We even broke down and bought some diapers. BRU was having a special that if you bought 2 jumbo packs of Pampers, you would get a $15 giftcard. I definately feel more prepared for Peanut's arrival, at least in terms of having everything he needs. We have one more trip to BRU this weekend to finish up the registry there, but all that is really left there is the jumperoo, pump and supplies, and misc. crib bedding. I have massive coupons and discounts to use there, so I am pretty sure we can get it all.

I have been hard at work in the nursery. Z made some runners for the dresser tops to coordinate with our non-theme. I will try to get pictures up. I am really happy with the way it is coming together. I got the drawer liners into the dresser and all the clothes and other cloth items need in 0-3 months are currently in the laundry line. I think awhile back I mentioned that I finally found a bedding set that I liked. The problem we were having is that we didn't want to commit to one particular theme due to my love of the ocean and boats, and Ben's love of Ohio State Football. We ended up getting the set on clearance from 99.99 to 67.99. When we went back to this week to do the registry thing, we noticed it was now 19.99! So we ended up buying another set and then I will return the one we already had since they don't do price adjustments.

Ok, the doctor: I am told he may do the pelvic exam this week. I have been have what feel like strong menstrual cramps over the past few days. I also need a rec for a pediatrician and new OB in our area. I am turning in my disability paperwork and getting all of those dates figured out. And I think I am going to ask to go on disability a week before my due date. Hopefully my BP and blood sugar are still Ok. I forgot my meter at work over the weekend and didn't get a chance to pick it up right away. Oh well.

And I think that makes this Baby Day #11. Wow.

Friday, January 16, 2009

What the F*** is this?!

Ok, before I got preggo, I was not the most patient person. This is one of the main reasons I could never be a teacher. As the pregnancy hormones keep ramping up, especially getting so close to delivery and given my increasing discomfort, my patience level has sunk even lower.

With that said:

I had noticed on BRU that the gym we chose for Peanut was on sale, 20% off. With that discount and several others we had, we could get the thing almost 50% off. Additionally, BRU just had free shipping on $100 orders. So, given my anal state of needing everything done and ready, we orderd the gym and a few other not so fun things, like the hamper. Now, when I registered for the hamper, I picked the ecru colored one. It also comes in blue and green and pink. I picked the eggshell because it was neutral and we didn't know if we were going to do a theme or anything yet. And this was one of those items that every color had an individual number so if you wanted a particular color, you scanned that one. When I did the order for the gym and hamper, I was looking for other thigns to get me above the $100 mark and noticed that some items, like pacifiers, said "Colors selected at random upon shipping" meaning that even though I chose the blue pacifiers or something, whoever filled the order to ship could just pick a color set at random, and it may not be the one I chose. Did it say this for the hamper? Um, no. Because again, each color has a seperate number you register for. AND, the free shipping didn't come through when I was placing the order online, so I had to call for assistance, at which time the kind salesperson took my entire order. When I received the confirmation email, it said "Folding Hamper - ECRU." So imagine my dismay when I open the box yesterday and pull out a box that says "Folding Hamper - PINK!" Seriously! WTF!!!!!!!!! Of all the colors available, they send the one we absolutely can't use. I was instantly ANGRY. Upon inspecting the packing slip and invoice, it indeed says "Folding Hamper-ECRU." I had to run some errands and was going by a TRU, so I took the heinous hamper in there. To my further irritation, they don't carry it there, because it is an exclusive BRU item. OF COURSE. The closest actual BRU store is about 35 minutes away from me. I called customer service when I got home, and I can return it through the mail and they will send a new one. However; I will have to pay shipping on the correct hamper! WTF!?! It was their error, not mine. I said to forget it, I will haul it to a store. So tomorrow on the way to pick up Z from the aeropuerto, I have to stop into the BRU nightmare. This situation did not help my patience level.

Then, today I discovered that the security deposit refund check that we had been waiting for and waiting for and finally received, DID NOT CLEAR THE BANK! Now we have overdraft protection just in case, but we only keep a couple hundred dollars in that account. Plus, since we were waiting so long for this freaking check, I had to use that money to actually pay bills, as all our other money is in a seperate bank that we don't live close to, so we don't take out. That means our checking account turned into one of those big inflatable houses with stuff bouncing all over the place. I was MAD. So I went to the bank and had them explain what happened. All they could tell me was that they had tried to put the check through twice and it would not clear. I then called the apartment manager. OF COURSE she was so helpful. She ended up checking with their bank and said there was plenty of money in the account and there was not anything she could do to help me. I stopped at home on my way to run a work errand to grab some lunch, and what was in the mail? The check! The bank had not been able to clear it because the manager didn't sign it! Needless to say, they got another phone call and we kinda got into it because it still apparently was not "their fault." I was asked if I checked to see if it signed before I put it in the bank, to which I responded "did you check to see if you signed it before you mailed it!?!" WTF!?! So now, in addition to my journey to BRU to return the heinous hamper, I have to swing by the old apartment in order to have the damn thing signed so I can deposit it again. And I fully intend to submit my fees to the manager once they are all in. I am MAD.

On the plus side: my hair cut went well and I love it. It is still long enough to put up and has style once again. Friend K asked what was wrong with it before and all I could say was "it was just overgrown." True story.

I did get alot done this evening. I am still obsessed with cleaning the floor. I also decided that the nursery furniture needed to be rearranged. I want the hamper, the right one that is, and the diaper genie to be on either side of the changing table and in order to do that, it needed to be moved. I put the bouncer together and it works really well. The replacement motor for the swing came and it is so much better and quieter. I understand that all swings make some noise if they had a motor, but this was BAD, especially hearing how much better this new one is. I have to call Graco to see what they want me to do with the old one. I also put batteries in the mobile. It is so cute! I love how it puts stars and stuff on the ceiling, although it is kinda distorted at the moment given the angle the crib is at. I will have to fix that. Baby stuff is so much fun to play with! I have to get more batteries to make sure everything works, and I still need to get stuff washed.

I also got my SDI paperwork completed and am ready for my maternity leave. My temp starts training full time next week, and that kinda freaks me out.

Ugh, I so need this fun weekend with Z, even though it is a short one! I just need to not obsess for a few days! :)

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Make Me Lose Control....

...of my bladder that is. :( Another incredible sexy side effect of pregnancy. I mean, we aren't talking about peeing your pants on the daily in large quantities. Let's just say trips to the bathroom are much more frequent and long because you want to make sure everything is out. Otherwise things Not so attractive. I had to explain this my husband yesterday when we were waiting for the doctor...all about how it feels to have someone's head on your bladder.

Anyway, the appointment went really well. My BP and sugar is fine. The nurse said my BP is actually getting better. Peanut's heartrate is great and he is growing like little weed. Dr. took ALOT of belly measurements and wiggled baby around alot. He is about 6-7 pounds now, even though I lost 1.5 pounds since last visit 2 weeks ago. Dr. said it could be anytime now and talked to me about contractions and what to look for. We also had the Strep B culture, which HURT. :( If I have to suffer through diabetes, hopefully this test will come back negative.

Speaking of diabetes, all I can think about is Funfetti cake. There is a box of it sitting in my cupboard at home, screaming to be made. Maybe I could get away with Funfetti cookies?

I am getting really excited for the baby shower this weekend! :) I am also excited to get my hair cut this afternoon!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

"No! It Just Needs to Get Done!!!!" my exclamation and response to when my husband, mother, friends...pretty much anyone tells me to chill out and just wait for stuff.

Case in point: I am all hyper about making sure we have everything the baby needs before he gets here. I know my baby shower is this weekend, but I am still making lists of what needs to get bought, how much it is, what coupons I have, etc. I have been so completely hyper about this that Ben has sworn to take me to Babies R Us next Wednesday in order to get everything on my list. Countless people have told me to relax and just wait to see what we get from the shower, and that the baby really doesn't need such and such when he is first born...blah blah blah. It doesn't matter to me. IT JUST NEEDS TO BE DONE FOR MY PEACE OF MIND. It seems easier to do it now then to tote a newborn somewhere to get it.

Another example: We have new hardwood floors in the house. I do not like to feel the grit and litter beneath my bare feet. I sweep the floor about 17000 times per day. And as soon as I feel the grit, it has to be swept up right away. I can't stand it. Ben thinks I am nutso. He comes in from the garage and I sweep up the dirt behind him.

There are many examples. Really I just want it done. It is the nesting kicking in full force.

In other baby news: Today is baby day #11 (I think). 36 week appointment happens at 4:20 pm. I think they do the test for Strep B, but I am not sure. I also have a long list for the doctor as to what has been happening. ALERT: what I am about to say may be TMI for some. My boobs are leaking some runny clear gel-like stuff. I have been told this is completely normal and it is just the colostrum. It still freaks me out.

I am now able to use my belly as a table. The baby doesn't like hot plates and such so I have to put a blanket over it, but it still saves me from getting out a tray, which doesn't work anyway since the belly is too big and the tray is essentially over my knees. My new favorite thing to do is grab on to his little knees when he sticks them into my sides and shake him a little. He responds by yanking away his knee and then kicking his little feet. :) I also like to push on one side of my belly and watch the other side respond.

I am not sure what is going on with the baby shower this weekend. :) It is kind of a surprise, which I am excited about. It will be just my friends which I am really excited about, especially since I haven't seen most of them in quite some time.

I have made the decision to cut my hair. It is hella long right now, and becoming a pain in the arse. It takes forever to dry and style. I am leaving it long enough to pull up when the baby arrives, but short enough that I can actually style it in the morning.

And lastly: I keep having dreams that I go into the doctor and he tells me that my fluid is low or something and the baby has to be born right now. Fingers crossed that doesn't happen.

Friday, January 9, 2009

Maybe Crop Tops Will Come Back In Style....

Because seriously, I now have a ton. :)

Ok, so they aren't REAL crop tops. In the recent move, I cleaned out my closet and drawers yet again, this time with the intent of "what am I seriously never going to wear again, as a new mother?" I also tried to find anything that would fit over "the belly." I have had a hard time finding maternity clothes that fit me right, so I have been relying on longer and baby doll style shirts that I have had in my closet and hand me downs. As the days tick by, fewer items are fitting me. In fact, quite a few shirts do not cover my belly anymore but land somewhere below the belly button. So started my collection of preggo crop tops. Keeping in mind that these shirts fit me fine just a week or two ago, I may have to raid Ben's sweatshirt collection. My pjs no longer fit and the pants have to be worn well below my waist, creating a spanse of belly not covered by anything.

I can't really complain. I have had a pretty good pregnancy so far: No serious morning sickness, just some nausea. No massive headaches frequenting.

I am growing increasingly tired. Lugging around this little boy is quite tedious these days. I can't bend over to put on pants, socks, or shoes anymore. Everything must be done sitting down. Climbing in and out of bed is always a feat that involves quite a bit of grunting and rocking around (This is of great amusement to my husband. Although last night he did seem more sympathetic as I was arranging my 10,000 pillows and explaining that yes, I have to do this everytime I get in and out of bed at night). I have to potty about every 30 minutes it seems (this may be a slight exaggeration...I am known to do that from time to time). And yes, the stretch marks I fought so hard to avoid have won the battle and have emerged.

My blood sugar has been pretty good. I have had a few high readings, but nothing that could be deemed seriously out of control. I was reading about it online the other night, and am now convinced that every cramp I have is preclampsia. I have figured out what sets the sugar off, and try to avoid those foods if possible (sometimes it is just not feasible to avoid a cookie). I am sure everything is fine, but have a long list of things to go over with the doctor next week, including that I think the baby has dropped. The pressure in my hips is maddening, and my left hip gets stiff if I sit or lay too long. I then look like an old woman as I hobble around (an astute observation from Ben). I have also had a little bit of discharge that could be considered to be the start of effacing and passing of the mucous plug (sorry if that is TMI....I could have been more descriptive). I can breathe alot easier, also leading me to think Baby Lahman may have dropped and my tummy looks different. the bump is lower than before.

The nursery is coming together. We got the rocking chair in there and all of the pictures to be hung elsewhere out and on the walls last night. I finally called Graco and requested a new motor tower for the swing. It just doesn't sound right. I also registered all our products online with their various manufacturers for notification of product and parts recalls or replacements. I separated out all of the 0-3 months clothes and those are first in line for a trip to the washer. I am trying really really hard to hold off on purchasing anything else until after the shower next weekend, but it is very hard. I am at the nesting stage where everything needs to be done and ready for Peanut. EVERYTHING. Ben promised that we would go to BRU the Wednesday following the shower and get everything else we need.

Yesterday was the offical 35 week, 35 days left marker. I can't wait to meet this little boy! (He still does not have an official name). If he cooks until next week, he will be able to stay in Sonoma instead of going to a NICU in Santa Rosa.

Things to do:
-Get drawer liners for dresser
-Resubmit paperwork to hospital
-Update photos (still not done :( )
-Work on Baby Book (I did update the calendar)
-Pack hospital bags
-Get batteries
-Wash clothes and other fabrics

Oh! Ps...the kitties are doing really well with the baby furniture. Layla just hides underneath it, which is fine. Guiliani has had some incidents in the bassinet and pack and play, but he is learning. He hates the spray bottle. :)

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

A new year, another new beginning

I know it is been 2009 for about a week now, but I am just that lazy in posting these days. :)

2008 went very fast it seems, especially the last three months with traveling and holidays. Now that things have temporarily slowed, it has given me a bit of time to look back and see where we have come from and where we want to go.

Our lives went through some significant changes in 2008, foremost being the news of Peanut's arrival in February 2009. This change was planned, yet unexpected in the same (for me anyway....seriously, who gets pregnant that fast?). The tire franchise we had partnership in was dissolved and because of that, my husband was able to leave his job in the city and get a corporate position at that store. We had the wedding of best friend Z, which also gave us a nice pre-baby vacation to NY. And then we had our relocation to the town where we both now work into a great house with plenty of baby room.

As I stand in the in-progress baby room, and take in the crib and such, it makes me stop to think about how all the things that happened in 2008 lead us to this point, and where they will continue to take us. WE ARE GOING TO BE PARENTS. In about 5 weeks, give or take, we will be responsible for another human life. That is very overwhelming. It is still hard to wrap my mind around that concept. We have been talking about what kind of parents we want to be, and further what type of family we want to be. Ben is trying desperately hard to quit smoking, but he doesn't have alot of support outside of me. He wants to be able to coach little league or whatever. It amazes us that things that seemed so important to us this time last year have fallen so far to the back of our minds.

We keep going over things, like our budget and money, our insurance, plans for moving and working. We spent alot of money in 2008 that was seeminly just to spend. We paid all of our bills on time and reduced a good portion of debt in terms of credit cards, car loans, and student loans. We totalled up the amount that we just spent, and the number was a bit shocking to us. It was like one extra paycheck per month that we were spending. Do I really regret spending all that money? Yes and no. Yes, because we could have saved way more or paid down bills way more. No because we got to see friends and family and do things with them without really worrying about other obligations, and we got to do things together. And because this ended up being the last year we will have the lives we had, I do not feel bad. Don't get me wrong, we don't begrudge Peanut for his pop-up arrival, we already love him to death. We are just not sorry we spent the year like we did and we understand that this next year will be different as priorities have shifted.

Also when I stand there, I realize that I can say that I am truly very very happy with my life. Ben and I have made it through the harder first years we had of marriage, and settled into a great relationship once again. We learned alot about each other in the process and rode out the harder times. Things that were so important to me have just kinda faded off. There are things I used to do that I honestly can't believe came from me. Things I said or did, that honestly I just can't justify now. Events in my life that lead me to this point had more influence that I thought. Long story short, sh!t happened, and I just wanted to feel better and I didn't care how I got there or how I made it better or who I hurt in the process. And that just isn't me anymore. Do I feel bad about those things? Again, yes and no. I don't like hurting people and everything, which I truly do feel bad about. But at the same time, got me through to where I am today. I can make attempts to make amends. I was dealing the only way I knew how. Now I have new areas to focus my energy into that don't revolve around those things. (Note: if that makes me sound like an insenstive beezy, which it probably does, I do try not to be that way. Honestly. I don't like being that way. Circumstances, people. You do what you need to do to get through).

Any way, I have been thinking alot about those things, especially since Friend D is going through some similar things right now. The theme is the same: You try your best and you do what you need to do to get through it for yourself and your family. I like being able to talk to her, since I have been in similar situations. She is being very strong and brave and I respect her alot for that. She has been a huge help to me also, providing pregnancy and baby wisdom. 2008 went by more smoothly because of that.

I know Ben and I are lucky people. We have good, stable jobs. We have great friends. We have wonderful families. We have each other, and our soon to be Baby Boy. We have our little kitties. We have the money to pay our bills and live comfortably at this time and be able to plan for the future. We were able to have a good year, and were blessed to not have any issues gettnig pregnant, and have a relatively smooth pregnancy. I guess up until this point, it never really sunk in just how lucky we actually are.

Ok. Done with that. Another post to follow with baby updates. :) Here's to a wonderful and blessed 2009 for everyone I know and love.