Friday, September 12, 2008

Day By Day

You know the feeling you get when you are at the airport or driving in a car, coming home after a vacation? That feeling that you aren't on vacation anymore but you aren't really back to normal life at home? It's a transitional feeling, right? Personally, I f'n hate this feeling.

That is the feeling I have today and I just want it to be over. I don't like the inbetween feeling, especially when I don't really know what I am feeling inbetween of. I just want to be in one place or another, whether it be location or position in life.

Because of this feeling, I woke up sometime last night (I don't really know what time it was because I refused to look at the clock) and had the sudden urge to check our bank balances. I don't know, I am just obsessive like that. I didn't check them, but I had wierd banking dreams for the rest of the night.

It has been a busy busy morning. I have been running around and making phone calls. The weather outside is gloomy and gray, so that doesn't help my mood.

I guess I am not really in a bad mood, just a tight and wound-up mood. I am getting the same advice from everyone: "stop worrying and just take things day by day."

Honestly, I have been trying to do that. Really. I am just a control freak that has to know exactly what is going on at all times and how I can be ontop of the situation. I can't just be a passive person. I have relaxed alot over the years, but I still have the obsessive streak in me that rears its ugly head from time to time. Seriously, it is not even the situation itself that is stressing me out. It is the fact that the outcome of the situation is a big fat question mark right now. Ah, the transitional phase feeling yet again. I will feel much better once I know what needs to get done and I feel in control again.

I have been hugging my belly all day, silently asking for my tiny bell pepper-sized baby to kick my hands or something to let me feel less alone. So far, nada. Come on, Peanut.

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