Split

Packing up clothes and toys and other things that Isaac has outgrown holds two very distinct emotions for me.

It makes me sad.

Sad, because like every parent, I think he is growing up too fast and I want to freeze time for just a moment to hold him a little longer, while he lets me. I remember certain moments related to specific items and remember them with wistful smile as I pack up memories of bring home my newborn; memories of first smiles, first times he met family and friends. As I packed up his bouncer, I remembered how he used to sleep in it as a teeny baby while I showered, seat in the bathroom.

And it makes me excited.

Excited, because it marks new steps in his life. It means he is growing up healthily, albeit too fast. Moving past certain milestones means knew ones are close ahead. Packing up the bassinet meant that Isaac was finally sleeping in his crib. Moving the bouncer into the basement makes room for the activity chair. Each item marks a transition into something new. It marks how far we've come.

Saying so long to certain baby items has been bittersweet. But at the same time, it has been relieving.

Isaac doesn't need to sit in the bouncer in the bathroom anymore. Nor do I have to wait until he is asleep to take a shower. I can put him in his playpen or in his room and take the monitor into the bathroom...and finally enjoy a shower that is longer than 5 minutes. I don't have to stand there and make the split decision on washing my hair or face because I only have time for one.

I no longer wake to every whimper that he makes while sleeping. We both sleep better. He is able to roll around to find a comfortable position, and so am I. I no longer have a newborn cradle in the crook of my arm while I sleep, nor have a co sleeper taking up a third of my bed. I don't have to worry about blankets falling into the bassinet. He's safe and happy in his crib, in his toasty room.

But still, every time I go into the basement for laundry, I pause at the bassinet. I run my hands along the rim and recall how small my boy looked in it. It seems like a lifetime ago and yesterday all at the same time.

I hold up his sleeper that we brought him home from the hospital in. I look at the picture of him wearing it, drowning in it because the newborn size was too big on him. I look at the newborn diaper I saved, belittled by the size 2-3 that fills the diaper stacker. So small. So very, very small.

He has come so far so quickly. I am so proud of him.

This is why you have more babies right? :)