This Weekend

This weekend....

This weekend was TOO HOT. Hello, California? Not so much fun to jump from low 80's to 104 back to 80's.


Saturday was rough because it was sooo damn HOOOOOTTTTT. Isaac just couldn't nap, so he was tired and fussy. And uncomfortable. Around 2:30, I gave up the napping fight and loaded him into the air conditioned car and we went shopping to spend Daddy's hard earned moolah. We bought some Christmas presents from....gulp....Toys R Us. Yes, I went back there. Diaper genie refills were on sale! And now that we can't change Isaac in the pack n play anymore, we go through them like no other. Plus he needed more cereal and those bastards have the biggest selection. And...the R Us locals are the only place I can find the Valupacks of the Pampers 2-3 size.


Anyway, we also loaded up on clearance 18+months clothes for next summer. They were buy one, get one for $1, so we got some shorts and swim trunks.


And I got the Handy Manny phone. It was on clearance and I had a coupon so it cost like $7. It will be for Christmas. I also realized that this store buys used video games in exchange for Toys R Us credit. Guess how we are buying the rest of Isaac's presents?


Why am I shopping so early? And why am I shopping at my nemesis stores? Well, simple. I hate them. But I hate them MORE with crazed holiday shoppers. Last year we picked up the crib 2 days before Christmas and had to listen to employees explain to the same shopper 50 times, that the Wii Fit mat, was not in fact, the actual Wii Fit bundle which they had been sold out of for days. Nope, still isn't the bundle when you take it to a different employee. Nopers, the sign in the empty display that says "we are currently out of stock and do not know when the product will be delivered" still means that they are SOLD OUT. Maybe next time don't wait until 2 days before Christmas to buy the hot item of that year, hmmmm??? And quit cutting in line to further illustrate that you are stupid and annoying and can't read. Thanks.

So I am getting all the toy shopping done now, while I have coupons and while stuff is in stock. Is it worth saving a few more dollars when Christmas sales roll around? No, my sanity and the safety of other customers who have the potential to irritate me is not worth saving an additional buck or two. Plus then I can enjoy the holiday season with Isaac at home, watching Rudolph, baking cookies, and wrapping presents while the psycho cats try to knock ornaments off the tree. :)


We also hit up Bed, Bath and Beyond to get these freezer cubes. We are starting meats this month, and I want to use these. I have been stockpiling the 20% off coupons since May and we got 5 of the 2 ounce and 3 of the 1 ounce sets for $30. Hurrah! :)


And we took a stroll into Pe.tCo as well, so Isaac could see the kitties, birds, and fish. And so I could try to find a flap to cover the litter box door because Isaac is THIS CLOSE to crawling and I have visions of cat poo in my child's hands. NOT SO MUCH. And I didn't find one, but I have an idea on how to rig one up. :)

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This weekend was TOO SHORT.


Like the past 7+ months, it went by too quickly.

I finally folded up the baby clothes that have been waiting to be put away. They were in the bassinet. The bassinet that my baby hasn't slept in for over a month.


The bassinet that when he started sleeping in the crib, I still pulled right next to the bed just in case....and for my own security. Without it right next too me, there was too much space. It felt empty.


The bassinet that I worked so hard to get Isaac into, from his co-sleeper, from my arms at night.


The bassinet that I put him in a few days ago while I went to the bathroom and didn't want to leave him on my bed. He screamed because it was too cramped. He hated it.


It broke my heart.

When did he get so big? When did that happen?


The bassinet needs to be packed up soon. It just sits against the wall and I throw clothes and pillows into it. It just makes me so sad to move it.


And I packed up the bassinet sheets and waterproof pads. I took out the blanket. I just stared at the empty bassinet. :(


Isaac sits up on his own. He is pulling himself up on his knees adn . He is feeding himself Che.erios and Gerber puffs.


He's just growing so darn fast.

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This weekend was a good one.


We went to the Bod.ega Bay Seafo.od, Ar.t and Wi.ne Festival. I scarfed some beer battered fries and bacon wrapped BBQ prawns (Did you mouth just fill with saliva? Cause mine did!). Friend A and I did wine tasting while Isaac attracted the attention of all the ladies. TRUE STORY. For some reason, they flocked to my baby and not the others in the tent. What can I say, I have a ladies' man on my hands. We bought some awesome shell jewelry and had a great time. Then we went swimming. Isaac loves the big boy pool. We floated around in his raft, then I took him out and bounced around with him. Just for fun, I flipped him onto his tummy, and I SWEAR TO GOD the child stretched out his arms and started kicking his feet. I think I have a swimmer on my hands.

A Much Needed Vacation

So babies....yeah, they are HARD WORK. Rewarding work, mind you, and I wouldn't trade being Isaac's Mommy for anything. I love being a mother to my baby boy.

But it takes its toll on me. I haven't slept in what feels like DECADES (even though I have really only been alive for 2, going on 3). My personal appearance upkeep has gone to poo. I have very few clothes that fit right (because breastfeeding changes my body every 5 minutes, I think) or that do not smell like baby slobber and/or vomit. And I am ok with that. I mean, what's the point in buying new clothes so frequently when they are just going to get ruined in a few days? Especially now that I am rolling around with my littl guy, since he is THIS CLOSE to mobility on all fours. I don't have more than about 5 minutes to myself on any given day. Each moment is filled with stuff that has to be done. Like going to the potty or washing bottles. I have cut back on what I do, I SWEAR. I don't make and freeze dinners anymore (this is another topic for a later time...I have many thoughts on this). Laundry gets washed and dried but then sits in the baskets, unfolded and un-put away. This morning I literally got Isaac's outfit and bibs out of the laundry basket which was previously known as his bassinet. That is what the weekends are for...laundry. Dammit. I pay bills, I take care of my family, I work, I stock the fridge (Safe.way, GOD BLESS YOU FOR GIVING ME 60 DAYS OF FREE DELIVERY ON MY GROCERIES!), I make sure we are all able to be clean and fed, I take my best shot at making sure the house is not coated in a layer of pure disgusting filth and growing things, and then...the day is over. I attempt sleep for as long as Isaac lets me. And the cycle begins again.

I am stressed to high heavens most days and I can feel my BP rising throughout the day. I don't TRY to do this. I try anything and everything to relax myself, but you know, the other day I cried for like 2 hours at work (don't worry, I was by myself) and I couldn't stop.

In attempt to relieve my PPD state, I have been scheduling more "Me" time. Call me a bad mother, or whatever you want, but this involves time away from my baby. He goes to daycare. And yes, I feel WRETCHED for having to take him there in order to steal a few hours of sleep, or get my hair cut, or go to the DM.V. But it is what it is. I miss him, but I feel more like a person, more like a sane person, when I see him again. I don't feel all chaotic and twirly.

This past Tuesday saw the beginning of "Girls' Day." I met friends K and G in SF for some good ol' fashioned girly talk, shopping, and a chic flick. I am not ashamed to say that we consumed 2 bottles of Prosecco at the delectable lunching destination of Puc.cini and Pin.etti. It was an afternoon of good drinks and food, good convo, and a good movie (The Ti.me Trav.eler's Wi.fe) that raced by way to quickly and before I knew it, I was in the car on my way home.

I needed Tuesday so badly, I can't even tell you how much.

Sure, things are way different. For example, I learned just how glamorous my life has become as I pumped in the backseat of my car parked in a garage that smelled like pee on Mi.ss.ion. Yep, pumping never stops, folks.

I listened with envy to conversations about indulgent purchases and trips of my friends. I don't begrudge them...I just miss it sometimes.

I watched in vain as they purchased at Edi.tion (the new BR accessories store. OMG, thank goodness I live close to SF where the only one is!) and began to come up with a plan to afford the charm necklace and little blue hat that I am dying to have. Seriously, diapers aren't cheap. And the little dude eats quite a bit now. All I purchased was some body spray so I could score my free undies and some clearance Gym.boree for Isaac because I had a coupon. I missed the old Sara, who would have purchased the stuff she wanted without a second thought because she and he husband bring home decent paychecks and learned how to manage their money. Unfortunately the new budget that was born the same time Isaac was doesn't include such items. I know my priorities and they revolve around the baby. His needs first, always.

As the day went on, I saw just how much life has changed. How different my life has become from their lives. How all I have to really take up is my beautiful baby and how amazing I think Rob.eez are and how to make a kick butt baby puree.

And I am ok with it.

I LOVE BEING ISAAC'S MOMMY. I love my baby. I know he needs me and I know he needs me to be healthy and happy.

And I love my friends for giving me back some sanity, and some release from the screaming in my head. I had such a fantabulous day, and can't wait for the next one.

This is my life, and as much as it drives me insane, I LOVE IT.

The Bag Family

So, I have decided to change our name from "the Lahmans" to "the Bags." Yep, I think we have become the Bag Family.

The other night Ben was holding Isaac in front of the mirror so he could see his reflection and perhaps for a minute stop screaming. He likes this, I swear. We coo over him, all "Who is that HANDSOME baby? Who is that little STUD MUFFIN?" And he is just fascinated by that baby behind that magic silvery wall. It makes him happy and laugh and smile. At least for a little while.

So as I was washing the days soil and toil off my face, Isaac was getting pretty darn fussy. Ben brought him into the bathroom because I had said "Just let me wash my face and I will take him." Apparently that meant IMMEDIATELY after I washed my face. Whatevs. I was fine with it.

After washing my face, I looked up from the sink and saw the reflection of our family in the mirror. ALL OF US HAD HUGE DARK BAGS UNDER OUR EYES. Yep, even Isaac.

My family's new haggard appearance is due to our poor baby boy's teeth and ears. And the fact that he has decided he doesn't want to sleep. EVER. So when something hurts, it hurts an EXHAUSTED baby. Seriously, he never wants to sleep. I don't know why, he just is going through that phase. That means that I don't sleep. And Ben can't sleep (Although he sleeps more than me...that's another story).

We were trying to establish some "healthy sleep patterns" before the teething/ear infection debaucle. Now, I am just happy if he sleeps PERIOD. I try to put him in the crib and for the most part he sleeps there for a while. But when he wakes up, or starts crying in his sleep rather, sometimes it is just easier to pull him in bed with me. He is also going through a phase in which he doesn't like to be in close proximity to anyone when he sleeps. So when I fall asleep feeding him or he falls asleep while I rock him, he eventually starts to squirm. He likes to have his space. But...when he doesn't feel good he wants held. So it's like hit or miss when he wakes up and I try to put him back down.

He isn't really sleeping much at night now.

And he doesn't sleep at daycare either. Miss K told me yesterday that he napped for 8 minutes. Then woke up all cranky and screaming.

At this point I don't really even know how much pain he is actually in, because I think the exhaustion is exponentially increasing it. He is just pissed at the world. He doesn't eat as much as normal, but again, I think that is because he is tired. I have called the pediatrician and they are very patient with me. They say I can bring him in if I want to. They keep asking the same questions and I keep giving the same answers. No, he doesn't have a fever. No, his eruption cysts are not bloody. No, he isn't pulling at his ears so much anymore, no more than before. BUT HE WON'T SLEEP AND HE WON'T STOP SCREAMING!

Isn't there a pill for that? Or don't you have some magic answer for me?

No?

Ok, well we will just make do. We'll get through it. It's just a phase.

Just call us the Bag Family. Dark circles under your eyes are sexy, right?

Seven

Nope. No way. Not possible. There is no way that 7 MONTH OLD BABY is my child.

This is my baby. See? 7 days old.

Or this is my baby. 7 weeks old.

How on earth is it possible that it has been 7 MONTHS since my baby Isaac was born?

I just can't fathom that this little boy who is rolling like a log, babbling up a storm, screeching because he can, cutting teeth, army crawling across the floor and my bed, feeding himself puffs and cheerios, and sitting up on his own is my teeny baby.

That little guy who has had his first ear infection (or double one for that matter), says ah da da da da da!, grabs at the kitties as they come in close vicinity, responds to his name, rides in the stroller like a big boy, loves Handy Manny, and eats almost every fruit and veggie imaginable just can't be mine.

My little boy. 7 months today. I am happy and sad all at once. I am excited to see him grow and proud of the progress he has made. But sad as each day slips by because it is so precious. It's no wonder people get pregnant again, especially within the year after a baby is born. I miss my newborn! He's growing up so

And PS. Vote for Isaac in this Cutest Baby Contest! You can vote once a day! http://gapc-vote.com/?p=1733224

Now I'm A Believer

I am not opposed to holistic medicine. Herbal treatments, acupuncture...whatever. BUT, I don't favor it. I am not a die hard all natural, all organic, hi my name is Rain and my skirt is made of wheat type girl. I wanted a natural childbirth, but it didn't work out that way. Epidural = Love. However, for my next pregnancy (not any time soon!), I am going to try for a natural again. Bottom line, drugs are great if I need them, but other treatments are fine as well. Western medicine, Eastern medicine, whatever. If it does the job let's try it.

Isaac went to the pediatrician on Friday because he was running a little fever and pulling at his ear. Uh oh. I knew what that meant. Sure enough, he has a double ear infection, but not so severe that he needed antibiotics. I like our Dr. in that he won't pump my baby full of drugs just because. Not saying that other doctors would, but I like his approach. He told me to watch his temp, keep giving him tylenol and motrin, etc., keep his head out of the water in the bath, and if it seemed to get worse to call back on Monday and we would try some medicine then.

And then he checked Isaac's tooth situation. Or lack thereof. He felt his gums and said he feels the "bump" for the bottom ones. Any day now, but it could still be awhile. Great! :( Apparently teething can cause ear infections, because of the same nerve endings in the jaw. Poor baby.

He asked what I was giving him. And then asked if I wanted to try a Holistic (am I even spelling that word right?) teething necklace from India. He said it was over 90% effective in all the patients he had given it to, and had it on his own children. Apparently, he didn't even notice when his baby cut 4 more teeth.

I said I was desperate and I would try anything if it gave Isaac some relief and me some sleep. :)

The nurses came in and put on this:

It is just a tiny little alloy bead that is threaded on a black string. Isaac hasn't even noticed it. Something about the metal and nerve endings...I don't know.

But so far, IT IS AMAZING. Isaac is in a better mood, and he isn't chomping on everything in sight. We've cut back on the teething tablets. He is sleeping better (to a degree...he still has an ear infection). I am sleeping better. He is back to only waking up once or twice a night when the pain meds wear off, as opposed to the 5-6 times a night.

I don't know how it works. Or even if it is all in my head. But I will say this much: This weekend has been way better on the teething front!

I'm a believer. He will keep it on as long as he can.

Where Credit Is Due

My husband and I have been together for over 11 years, married for 4. Like every couple, we have our share of ups and downs. And we have our differences. In my opinion, it is not what you have in common that makes a marriage work, it is how you handle the things you don't.

Having a baby, it changes things. The relationship between me and my husband has changed about 400 times since the double pink line appeared. In some respects, it has gotten harder, some easier.

I have to say since the PPD came into play, my husband has really stepped it up. He was actually the first to say something (I swear he read those pamphlets we got from the hospital every night. He had the symptoms memorized.). Anyway, he has been helping out alot more, even with things not in his comfort zone. He is concerned about me and the baby. And he is proving that he is the bestest husband I ever could have asked for. Snaps for Ben! :)

Monday night was a bad night. He and BIL were have one of their Face.book/Beer/Fai.lblog parties on the patio and I was not sleeping well. Isaac woke up at 1. The damn cat was being clingy and followed me into his room. I fed him on the couch and carried him back to the crib. It was at that moment the Guiliani jumped up on the crib tent and woke him up again. Sigh. I rubbed his back but no go. Picked him back up and booted the cat.

I had just gotten him back to sleep when Guiliani hurt something rustling behind the blinds on the window closest to the crib. I had heard it, but honestly didn't care if it was a big spider or Sa.tan himself. I just wanted to put Isaac down and go back to bed. Guiliani however...he cared and needed to get back there NOW.

Yep, baby woke up again. And this time he was up and ready to party. DAMN CAT.

At 3 am, I couldn't take it anymore. Isaac was screaming because he is teething and didn't want to sleep. He wanted to nurse more and I had been nursing for 2 hours now, so I was out. DRY. I defrosted a bottle. And I went to get Ben.

He must have heard the desperation in my voice. He woke up and took the fussy teething baby. And I got his bottle ready. I was standing up in the kitchen sleeping pretty much when I heard these beautiful words:

"Honey, go back to sleep. I don't have to work tomorrow. I will take the baby."

Oh. My. God.

I was soooo happy. I was back in bed before he could change his mind.

When my alarm went off at 6:00, I found them asleep on the couch. I fed Isaac and put him in his swing to snooze. Ben went to bed. The day went on as normal, me going to work and Isaac going to daycare until mid-afternoon when Ben picked him up.

I was so grateful to my husband. He has been my favoritest person this week, just because of that. And he brought me home a chiliburger last night. ;) BIG FAT GREASY CHILIBURGER. mmmmmmmmm.

And now it is Friday. Isaac has been up and down the past few nights, with teething. And apparently a double ear infection, so says the pediatrician this morning. His first ear infection. Overacheiver had to have it in both ears. :( He was clawing at his ears and literally pushed my hand away from his head. It isn't bad enough for anitbiotics, just keep up with his pain medicine and keep his head dry.

And he also has some bling, in the form of a holistic teething necklace from India that my Dr (who is from Brooklyn btw) SWEARS by. It's like a magic necklace.

Honestly, I am so desperate, I WILL TRY ANYTHING! I just want to sleep! And of course, I don't want my baby to be in pain anymore. But, SLEEEEEEPPPPP.

America's Next Top Model Baby

I know I am a bit biased, but I think my little man is quite photogenic.

We had his 6 month photos taken here, and he did so well. The photographer even said he did well, since he smiled and laughed the whole time. Apparently most babies don't make it through a whole hour and a half of photography, including costume changes. I am so happy with the way they turned out, even more so that the photographer sent us a disc of all the images. She worked really well with me and Isaac. I didn't mind doing some of the shots that she wanted. She even asked if she can use Isaac in some of her marketing. Famous, model baby.

He's a happy baby, what more can I say? The photos speak for themselves. :) Some of the favorites:

And our personal favorite:

To-Do: Trash the List

Everyone has a To-Do List. I swear I have had the same list for about the past 5 months. I hate my to-do list. HATE IT. It just makes me feel inferior because I never, ever get to cross everything off. I even write things on it that I have already done, just so I can cross them off. It never works. The list just grows and grows.

So this past weekend...I threw it away. I don't need a constant reminder of what needs done. I mean, if it was important enough to make it onto the list, I will remember it. Like, everytime I open the cupboard, I can see I need to rearrange the tupperware and throw out whatever doesn't have a lid. Whenever I walk into the guest room I can see that I need to wash the blanket that Layla puked on (It's not still in the room, it's in the basment and has been Shouted many times over, I just see the empty spot on the bed), and that maybe I should file my Mary Kay order slips and unpack the boxes in the corner. I don't need a daily reminder to make me feel inadequete. True story.

Instead, in the morning, I pick one thing that I want to get done that day. And then at the end of every day, I am writing out what I did get done. For example yesterday I wanted to make mini apple pies with the apples from our yard. This is what my Done list looked like:

-swept floor
-unloaded and reloaded dishwasher
-lysoled kitchen counters
-made apple pies
-rearranged living room to accomodate packnplay
-put bottles together
-uploaded 6 month pics to flash drive
-unloaded and reloaded dishwasher again
-took out recycling
-dusted living room and dining room
-sprayed Guiliani in the face 4 times because he ran outside.

I feel better about myself when I see what I actually have gotten done, not what I have not even gotten close to beginning. Call me crazy, but this little mind game works for me.

What's High in the Middle and Round on the Ends?

...O-hi-o!

Having lived in Ohio for 20+ years, I had never heard that song until my husband sang it to Isaac before we left for our trip in July for K's wedding. Seriously. Never.

Anyway, Isaac and I had alot of fun in Ohio. The trip definately was not long enough. We never get enough time to visit our family and friends, and it always seems like we are running, running, running from one place to another. We had a family cookout for him on Sunday so we got to see alot of family and catch up a little. Isaac loves his Ohio family. :)

I know he is too little to understand how far away we live and how hard it is. Ben and I want him to be able to see where we grew up and the things we appreciate and love. The things we miss, and the things that just aren't the same out here. Like looking through Pappy's telescope at the stars and Orio.n's Ne.bula. Stopping at Tiny's for Ducky Bars. Getting chicken at the Chic.ken Fe.sti.val. Night fishing at the reservoirs. So many things that we grew up with that we just don't have time to do when we go back for a visit.

It's hard. And it sucks, for everyone. But this is the life we have and we have to make the most of the situation until we can change it (and that will take moolah...lots of it).

Hell On Earth

Or more commonly known as Babies/Toy R Us.

I can't stand those stores. They are way way WAAAAAYYYY too overwhelming. There are too many choices. And they are packed with things that I think I need for my child but I don't. It stresses me out BIG TIME. So much that it causes my water to break. So why do I go there? Because they keep sending me coupons. And there are some things that only that damn place has.

Like straight up Gerber barley cereal. Or a million different kinds of Gerber graduate puffs.

Or a toy cell phone. Seriously, I have scoured every single other place that may have the smidgen of the possibility of having one. Target. Walmart. Kmart. Sears. My Baby News. ANYWHERE. So I figured today was the day to brave it because tomorrow is my massage and I might as well get as much stress in today so it can be rubbed out tomorrow.

I picked Isaac up from daycare and declared that we were indeed braving the hell on San.ta Ro.sa Avenue. Miss K informed me of Isaac's pain med dosages and lack of naps. But I was doing it anyway. He keeps grabbing at my Black.berry or my hubs Pa.lm. And seriously, I can't give him a functioning electronic device not suitable for children. What if he dials 911? How do I explain that one? :(

We made it to the store and man, oh man. TOOO MAAAANNNNY CHOOOOIIIICES. I found three suitable phones. Well, one wasn't really suitable. It was a VTech Handy Manny phone and his little face lit up everytime it said "You break it, we fix it! This is Manny." But it was for ages 3-6 years. And the features were too advanced. It asked me to press the button that had the hexagonal shape on it. Then it asked me in Spanish. It went back on the shelf with my fingers crossed it will still be around when his first birthday rolls around. I don't care I am buying it then.

Now, Isaac is no longer in the infant carrier car seat in the stroller. He just sits in the stroller like a big boy. He loves it. Most times.

Today it unravelled pretty quickly. Fortunately I had loaded the stroller up with cereal and his toy phone and another toy. And I brought the miracle teething tablets in with me. I fed him 3. Held him off for a bit longer, but now he was hungry, tired, teething....did I mention it broke 100 today? (Don't worry it is supposed to drop back to 80 some). The only way he was able to be calmed was for me to pick him up and hip carry him (Yep! He's a hip baby now!) and push the stroller with my free hand.

We made it up to the line. Which was ONE line and it was also the customer service counter. So everyone with there complicated returns and exchange transactions was in the same line as those of us with screaming infants. And the service girl? Not the brightest. Sorry, but it was true. Finally we only had one couple in front of us.

Let me tell you about this couple. They were GHET-TO. The mom was not wearing shoes. They were in her purse. I know because she asked the dad. And she didn't have real eyebrows. They were the drawn on kind. The dad was wearing shoes. And he was also wearing jean shorts so large that they might as well have been full length jeans and a mangey old tank top with ketchup stains (I guess they were ketchup...maybe blood...I was being optimistic). Their child was a little girl with alot of energy who was also not wearing shoes. She was bouncing one of those plastic balls. With little supervision.

Her parents were preocupied with their transaction and not watching her. Apparently they had one of those VI.SA giftcards that they swore they could get cash off of, and they wanted an item that wasn't in the store and they wanted to order it or get a raincheck but they wanted to pay for it now with the giftcard and get cash back. And the service looked like she wanted to cry. She called for back up. A nerdy looking guy came to help the scared looking girl. They spent the next 15 minutes trying to figure out what the hell these people actually wanted and how to do it without making the store implode.

Meanwhile, this energetic, shoeless daughter of theirs is still throwing the purple plastic ball. And it hits me. I am still holding Isaac who is still fussy and miserable. I politely tell her to be careful, cause I have a baby and he doesn't know how to play ball. She hit me three more times. Each time I told her a little louder, hoping that one of those people in front of me would actually turn around and parent their child. Or at least amuse her. They didn't.

Isaac still fussing. Apparently this impossible transaction has been figured out and the nerdy guy has stepped out from behind the counter and thanks me for waiting. Doesn't offer to ring me up regardless of the fussing baby and frazzled looking mother who keeps getting pelted with a plastic ball.

And then the ball pelts Isaac in the head. Oh. My. God. His head literally bounced off my shoulder. Let the screaming commence.

So I did what any mother would have done. I picked the damn ball and whipped it across the store. The shoeless child begins to scream and cry because she doesn't have the ball and the nasty lady with the nasty baby threw it. Her parents whip around because now they can be parents. Parents that use expletives and spit when they talk. Dad proceeded to scream profanity at me. I think he asked why I had done that but I don't know because every other word started with f or b.

So I yelled back. Seriously. Something about not watching their child who already hit me with the ball a gazillion times.

Then mom says something that threatens violence. And I yelled at her too. Something about how she wasn't even wearing shoes and I would. Kick. Her. @$$. Don't mess with me. I haven't slept in months and my baby is teething and yet somehow I remembered that a person is supposed to wear shoes in public. Funny how that works.

We proceed to yell at each other for a few more minutes. The sales girl looks like she wet her pants and is calling back nerdy guy because WWF is about to break out in the front of the store. The mom is screaming about what the hell is she supposed to do. Her child is only 4. Hmmmm....my baby is 6 MONTHS OLD. And I am pretty sure at 4 I knew not to hit babies in the head with plastic balls. Call me crazy but I am pretty sure my mom mentioned it once or twice or a million times.

And although I can see your 4 year old ANGEL has a ton of CONSTRUCTIVE energy, and I realize 4 is pretty young, maybe....just maybe, you should have one of you watch her in a public place to make sure this kind of thing doesn't happen. Maybe you don't have your back turned to her for 20+ minutes while you try to rough up the nervous service girl because she doesn't know how to do what you want which is probably a scam anyway. Oh and by the way, where are your eyebrows?!

I was seeing red spots. Bright red spots. BRING. IT. ON. I DARE YOU.

She must have seen the smoke pouring out of my ears because mom backed down. And mumbled something about whatever and i am sorry and don't freak out about it.

Um....my baby is screaming because your daughter who you couldn't watch pelted him in the head with a ball. And he's scared.

I realize toddlers act up and are hard to control. I get that. But maybe. Just maybe it would be easier to control her if you watched over her. Or at least turned around occasionally to make sure she hadn't disappeared or was bleeding or was stealing or something.

Oh. and the little shoeless girl? She was laughing at this point. Laughing.

And so ends the story about how Isaac got a toy phone and Mommy added yet another store to her "only shop online at this place or you will regret it" list.

RiteAid Doesn't Sell Lotto Tickets

I know, right? Who'da thunk?


Well apparently my husband did. Or still DOES. He swears that he's seen them there before. Maybe. Who knows. I checked and trust me, the closest form of gambling I could find was the child's Bingo game for 14.99. True Story.


Let me backtrack for a second.


Monday night was HORRIBLE. It started out great. We (meaning hubs and Isaac and I) took a walk, which ended up shorter than intended because a certain baby is teething and when he is miserable he will be damned if everyone around him is not miserable too. Another True Story. Anyway, we walked and chatted which was nice because we don't get to do alot as a family of three. Any time is precious time. Then we got Mexican take out. Our plan was to let me feed Isaac while Ben ate his burrito, then he would bathe little man while I ate my chicken taco salad. And everything went smoothly. Everything got ready for the next day and I was satisfied that I could go to sleep. Isaac went to sleep after his nightly dose of teething remedies, and I curled up on the couch to watch the SATC movie on HBO for the umpteenth time.

And then...I don't know. It just went south. I got hit with a wave of black. Seriously in that moment, I hated myself, my house, my life...and I just started crying. Nothing triggered it. I swear it was just a rapid fire mood swing that made me want to cut off my feet because I could see them and I thought they were ugly. I sank deeper and deeper into the couch, and finally dragged myself off to bed. And of course I was no longer tired. In the slightest.


My hubs and BIL were outside playing on the internet on their $600 Pa.lm P.re phones and laptops. And no joke, CHAIN SMOKING. I HATE THE SMELL AND FEEL AND EVERYTHING ABOUT SMOKING. And the screen door was open. My house was starting to smell like a cheap bar. Why my husband has increased this filthy disgusting and life shortening habit, I don't know. Trust me, I complain and hound him RELENTLESSLY. He hears about it everytime one of his filter-tipped little buddies visits. Yet, he refuses to stop. I know it is hard and all that hooey and hoopla. I won't get into that. The point is that the smoke was not helping my state.


I encouraged him to finish that cigarette and then come inside and watch TV. He didn't. Whatever. He's a grown man, husband, and father. Who acts like a 20 year old.

At this point I need to say that I schedule a massage for late Thursday morning, my day off and arranged for Isaac to go to daycare for a half day. I finally got my husband to agree to take Isaac for a half day today, to even out the time and money for daycare. I need my time. And it was not an easy job to convince a certain dad to do this because apparently "someone needs a day off to catch up on his sleep." I won't say anything more about that except that someone almost got his face clawed off.


So anyway, I managed to fall asleep. And then woke up about 45 minutes later, no because of the baby (who was still sleeping soundly) but because California decided that it was time to actually be summer and it should be HOT. And the house wasn't cooling down. I got up to turning on the fan and change my sweatsoaked pjs. It was then that I noticed the guest room light blazing away.


Turns out the $600 phone my husband just bought last week, less than 6 days ago actually, had "somehow been dropped on the patio and had a ginormous crack in the screen." This phone is Spr.int's version of the iP.hone. Meaning a cracked touch screen doesn't function. AT ALL. And dear hubs was digging for the receipt.


Sigh. Long story short, I finally put out all the fires from this what I can only assume was a drunken mishap and was able to crawl back into bed. And once I finally fell back asleep (because I was laying there stewing over the damn broken phone), I was shortly awakened to someone's "OH MY GOD THERE ARE SHARP POINTY WHITE THINGS TEARING THROUGH MY JAWBONE MOMMY WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU I WANT TO TEAR YOUR NIPPLE OFF BECAUSE IT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER" cries. After that was taken care of, my alarm went off.

I was beat all day, barely functioning. My husband took care of his phone and work stuff and then melted my heart with a text message that said he was picking Isaac up from daycare even though it was only 2 hours early. Because the time he gets to spend with him is precious.

And then I got another text message asking me to pick up a lotto ticket for the Mega Millions.

My husband is CONVINCED that we are going to win. And he is also convinced that the one time we don't actually purchase a ticket will be the time our numbers come up. And we will kick ourselves for years to come at our "lost millions."

I said no. Honestly, I don't want to waste the 5 dollars (Sidenote: it used to be $10 but now he has to play twice a week with the same lotto allowance). And I didn't want to stop on my way home. I didn't want to go into the little liqour store with cheap lighting and dirty magazines. Mostly, I already had to stop at RiteAid to get Isaac's flouride prescription and I didn't want to haul myself out of the car. I WAS TIRED. I just wanted to go home. After some banter, I said that I would only get one if RiteAid sold them. And he was sure they did.

God Bless you RiteAid. You may sell many of the deadly sins in your store, but gambling is not one of them.

Little Chunker

Isaac finally had his 6 month checkup and shots last Friday. The little chunker weighs in at 16lbs 5oz and measures 27 inches. That is up 4 inches from the 4 month checkup. And up 3 pounds. He's been busy, apparently. Maybe he's sneaking into the fridge for midnight snacks.

He didn't see his normal pediatrician because he was not available until the end of this month. Something about having Isaac's 6 month checkup closer to 7 months didn't quite jive with me, so the Dr. who did his circumcision saw him. It's the same office. And it was my fault for having to reschedule. I was sick. Anyway, she checked his gums and informed me that he has 2 eruption cysts that I have to watch for blood. Gross. And ooooowwwww! Poor little man. His relfexes are good and he is still ahead with his motor skills. We talked about his feeding regimen and diet. She gave the ok to start with little foods like cheerios and those little Graduate puffs (which I gave him, and it is FUN-NY) since he is doing so well.

His shots went as well as shots can be expected. There was screaming. And tears. Oh, and Isaac cried too. :( The nurse let me hold him this time at my request. Isaac HATES having his legs pinned down. I think that makes him more upset than the actual shots. Whenever that arm went across his legs, he got this look of fear on his face I couldn't stand. Holding him made it easier on him, worse for me. And potentially worse for the nurse, because it made my desire to knock her out for making my baby cry even greater. True story.

I don't understand the percentiles. Isaac is in the 25th for weight and 50th for height. BUT, infants are supposed to have doubled their birthweight by 6 months and tripled by one year? I don't get it. Doesn't make alot of sense. Oh well.

Isaac also had his 6 month photos taken. They are wonderful and I am very happy with them. The photographer did exactly what I wanted and then some. I let her take some shots that she wanted. I was happy to oblige after I had my shots. Isaac did really well for an hour and a half. Then, while laying on the hardwood shiny floor trying to reach for Sophie the giraffe and his BFF, he faceplanted and WE WERE DONE. I get a CD of all the images, and will post when I get them. LOVE THEM.

(And yes, I published TWICE IN ONE DAY!!!!! I have been slacking. :) )

Uneven

I don't understand my boobs.


Whoops, sorry. ALERT: This is a post about breastfeeding.


Ok, like I said, I don't understand my boobs. My milk supply has gone all wonky.


A few months ago I started taking Fenugreek to help my milk production. Man, oh man, did it WORK. I was still getting the same amount from the right side, but the left side kicked into high gear. And then I stopped taking the supplement. Mostly because I ran out, was too lazy to go up to Whol.e Fo.ods for more (Ok, loading that little chunker in and out of the car and shopping carts takes its toll FAST!), and I wanted to see what would happen. And a little part of me almost believed that this supplement was having an effect on my PPD.

Not so much. I was off it for about 2 weeks I'd say. And there would be times that I would get 3 ounces from the left side after 8 HOURS, 3 ounces from the left side after 3 hours, and 1 ounce from that same left side after 3 hours. In no particular order, and no, that is not my pumping schedule.

Meanwhile, my right side stayed constant at 3-4 ounces per pumping every 3 hours.

And I saw no difference in my demeanor. Although I think my blood sugar levels bounced around. I got dizzy every now and then. I thought it was earthquakes. Seriously, I did.

So then...I was at the store buying produce for Isaac's food and thought what the hey, I will start it up again. Into my basket went the month's supply of Fenugreek and I began the twice a day regimen once again.

Now I still get the 3-4 ounces from the right side. 6 in the morning And anywhere from 1-5 ounces on the left side. At any given time.

I understand that this unevenness is common in breastfeeding. But every time I think I have it figured out, BAM! Changes again. It is getting to be a pain changing my pumping schedule and trying to guess when I will have enough milk to pump in order to keep up our supply.

Breastfeeding is challenging. I say challenging and not hard because well, I enjoy not having to measure out formula and mix it and all that stuff. That seems taxing. And I know that breastfeeding is not for everyone, and is sometimes not even possible for mothers. But it is for us. I like that Isaac's food is automatically ready to go whereever he goes (for the most part). And I love that his food is made to order as he needs it. Yes, pumping is a pain in the arse. And it was rough being tied to my sofa for the first 4 weeks of Isaac's life because he wanted to eat every 2 hours. ON. THE. DOT. But I love doing this for him. Really, I do. I love the bonding experience it provides me with. And let's face it, the calorie burn doesn't suck. :) It still makes me a little nutso every now and then and there are time when I think it would be so much better to stop. At the end of the day, I know I can get through the next 5 months or so. We have come through almost 7.

And with that said, it is time to pump.

Changes

If you are looking for "A New Beginning," you found the right spot! I got restless and wanted to revamp. AGAIN. (This is one of the reasons I can't buy a designer purse. I would get sick of it after a month and then it would sit, collecting dust.)

Anyway, I just changed things up a bit. Still the same blog though, just a new look and new name. :)

Daydream Believer

Some days I wake up and I feel a renewed sense of optimism. I am happy and feel like I will be able to take on the challenges that the day will bring.

And then there are days, like yesterday, that I want to crawl back under the covers and pretend like I don't hear the baby screaming for his mommy, like I don't have a job or any other obligation. I don't have the motivation to do JACK and I get out of bed with tears in my eyes that I have to handle a day like this.

I have alot of goals, both personal and for my family. Feeling this way really makes me feel like I am delaying these goals by an inevitable amount of time. I know there are setbacks in life for everyone, not just me. Everyone has their own sets of issues and problems that they deal with on a day to day basis. Everyone's life is filled with highs and lows, and everyone deals with their own struggles. Believe me, I know my husband and I had our own set of these before we even found out about our little man growing in my belly.

Struggles take on a whole new life now. Everything looks different, and my goals seem so far off. Even when I am in a great mood and feel optimistic, I feel like there is this looming storm hanging around in the background, just waiting to pour down. It sucks because I have always tried to be upbeat and stay positive.

We have come to a point in our lives where the decisions we make don't just affect my husband and me, but also our son. And it trickles from there, touching the rest of our family somehow. It is hard to make a decision in those circumstances anyway, and now with this PPD shadow, we are not trying to make any decisions, just trying to get everyone through it in one piece.

I say in one piece, because believe me...I think last night when I flipped out, my head actually spun around on my neck. I went from 0 to PISSED OFF GET THE HELL OUT OF MY SIGHT RIGHT NOW OR YOU WILL LOSE AN ARM OR YOUR LIFE in less than a second.

So now when I am daydreaming about what the future holds for me and Ben and Isaac, the picture has changed a little. I still see the house we want to buy. I still see us moving closer to our familiy. I still see us paying off our debt and taking our anniversary trip to Hawaii. I still see our family vacations and evenutally Isaac's siblings. But in these daydreams, I am not the raving lunatic that I feel like inside. I am not the mommy who is crying all the time for no apparent reason. My daydreams all involve a happy, healthy family and I believe with all my heart that we will get to that place. It won't be this way forever, I just have to hold on to that. Then I don't feel like such a failure. It's a daydream that I believe. Yep, Cheer up Sleepy Jean.

I called my Doctor this morning and he is having me take my BP for a week or so. Thankfully the Ri.te A.id is just across the street from my office. The nurses are contacting my Health insurance to find covered therapists, if we decide to go that route. It's getting kind of scary, but relieving at the same time. I guess a part of me just still believes that one morning I will wake up and everything will be all sunshine again. (Sidenote: I also called the Dr. because my eyelashes are falling out. No joke. I rub my eye and about 20 fall out.)

UPDATE: remember when I talked about the 529? I finally heard back from our financial advisor, the new one nto the tardo from our old bank. A 529 is taken into consideration when a child applies for federal aid.