Wednesday, January 7, 2009

A new year, another new beginning

I know it is been 2009 for about a week now, but I am just that lazy in posting these days. :)

2008 went very fast it seems, especially the last three months with traveling and holidays. Now that things have temporarily slowed, it has given me a bit of time to look back and see where we have come from and where we want to go.

Our lives went through some significant changes in 2008, foremost being the news of Peanut's arrival in February 2009. This change was planned, yet unexpected in the same (for me anyway....seriously, who gets pregnant that fast?). The tire franchise we had partnership in was dissolved and because of that, my husband was able to leave his job in the city and get a corporate position at that store. We had the wedding of best friend Z, which also gave us a nice pre-baby vacation to NY. And then we had our relocation to the town where we both now work into a great house with plenty of baby room.

As I stand in the in-progress baby room, and take in the crib and such, it makes me stop to think about how all the things that happened in 2008 lead us to this point, and where they will continue to take us. WE ARE GOING TO BE PARENTS. In about 5 weeks, give or take, we will be responsible for another human life. That is very overwhelming. It is still hard to wrap my mind around that concept. We have been talking about what kind of parents we want to be, and further what type of family we want to be. Ben is trying desperately hard to quit smoking, but he doesn't have alot of support outside of me. He wants to be able to coach little league or whatever. It amazes us that things that seemed so important to us this time last year have fallen so far to the back of our minds.

We keep going over things, like our budget and money, our insurance, plans for moving and working. We spent alot of money in 2008 that was seeminly just to spend. We paid all of our bills on time and reduced a good portion of debt in terms of credit cards, car loans, and student loans. We totalled up the amount that we just spent, and the number was a bit shocking to us. It was like one extra paycheck per month that we were spending. Do I really regret spending all that money? Yes and no. Yes, because we could have saved way more or paid down bills way more. No because we got to see friends and family and do things with them without really worrying about other obligations, and we got to do things together. And because this ended up being the last year we will have the lives we had, I do not feel bad. Don't get me wrong, we don't begrudge Peanut for his pop-up arrival, we already love him to death. We are just not sorry we spent the year like we did and we understand that this next year will be different as priorities have shifted.

Also when I stand there, I realize that I can say that I am truly very very happy with my life. Ben and I have made it through the harder first years we had of marriage, and settled into a great relationship once again. We learned alot about each other in the process and rode out the harder times. Things that were so important to me have just kinda faded off. There are things I used to do that I honestly can't believe came from me. Things I said or did, that honestly I just can't justify now. Events in my life that lead me to this point had more influence that I thought. Long story short, sh!t happened, and I just wanted to feel better and I didn't care how I got there or how I made it better or who I hurt in the process. And that just isn't me anymore. Do I feel bad about those things? Again, yes and no. I don't like hurting people and everything, which I truly do feel bad about. But at the same time, got me through to where I am today. I can make attempts to make amends. I was dealing the only way I knew how. Now I have new areas to focus my energy into that don't revolve around those things. (Note: if that makes me sound like an insenstive beezy, which it probably does, I do try not to be that way. Honestly. I don't like being that way. Circumstances, people. You do what you need to do to get through).

Any way, I have been thinking alot about those things, especially since Friend D is going through some similar things right now. The theme is the same: You try your best and you do what you need to do to get through it for yourself and your family. I like being able to talk to her, since I have been in similar situations. She is being very strong and brave and I respect her alot for that. She has been a huge help to me also, providing pregnancy and baby wisdom. 2008 went by more smoothly because of that.

I know Ben and I are lucky people. We have good, stable jobs. We have great friends. We have wonderful families. We have each other, and our soon to be Baby Boy. We have our little kitties. We have the money to pay our bills and live comfortably at this time and be able to plan for the future. We were able to have a good year, and were blessed to not have any issues gettnig pregnant, and have a relatively smooth pregnancy. I guess up until this point, it never really sunk in just how lucky we actually are.

Ok. Done with that. Another post to follow with baby updates. :) Here's to a wonderful and blessed 2009 for everyone I know and love.

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