Thursday, October 1, 2009

rock ME hardplace

Get it? I am between a rock and a hardplace? :)

Isaac has been loving daycare. He loves Miss K, his friends, the activity. But lately he has been very clingy. He wants to be held all the time. And he always wants someone in his sight. Perhaps it is the start or onset of separation anxiety. Whatever it is, it is taking its toll on my and Ben, and Miss K.

This week when I drop him off at daycare, he has cried when I put him down and left. And it broke my heart. I teared up in the car and cursed everyone and their brother that I had to go to work and not be with my baby.

This morning was different. He didn't cry. He didn't fuss. He didn't notice. And THAT broke my heart just as much. I teared up in the car and cursed everyone and their brother that I had to go to work and not be with my baby, and he didn't seem to notice.

It's not that I WANT my baby to cry. I don't. But it is just as biting when he doesn't cry.

So what am I to do? This week has been really rough on me. I don't know what to do. Obvisiously changes need to be made, I just don't know how to go about them. Or even what decisions are best.

I love my job. I love having "me" time. But I love my baby more.

This rock and hardplace is really giving me a headache.

2 comments:

Stacie said...

Just the other day I felt the same way. About 98% of the time, Laney waves goodbye as I walk out the door from dropping her off at daycare. There has been 2, yes 2, times that she has cried because I am leaving.

It broke my heart both times. I am glad that she is happy enough that me leaving doesn't seem to bother her.

Sometimes it does bother me when she says "bye bye" and goes about her business.

Grady Chronicles said...

Isn't it the worst to think about how many hours of their lives we miss out on?? And then on the weekend I feel like I have to make up for lost time and get that mom guilt at the thought of any kind of break for me. Our society has lost its values......mommis should be able to stay home if they want!!