Wordless Wednesday

I figure since I have a new fancy smancy camera, I can do more Wordless Wednesday. Or at least try to. :)

Mmmmmmm....Apple!

Every night after he has (mostly) eaten his dinner, Isaac gets fruit for dessert. Once I have inspected his tray (and the surrounding floor) and have deemed he has eaten enough, I tell him it is time for dessert fruit. He immediately shouts "Na-Na" and reaches toward the bowl that I keep bananas in. My little monkey loves his bananas. He gets a banana fairly often. We used to do half bananas, which he quickly scarffed down and asked for more (By asking, I mean he shouts "Mo! Mo!" and pounds on the tray). Now he gets whole bananas.

Yesterday, he had a banana for breakfast and lunch. 2 bananas. So for dessert, I gave him an apple. I peeled it and chopped it into like, eighths or something. He loved it! It was the closest to a whole apple he has eaten. He likes applesauce, he likes small diced apple.

Mmmmm....apple! He seemed rather confused at first and looked at the pieces. He stared at me and said "Na na?" I corrected him and soon enough....

"Ah ple! Ah ple!"

He is a talker! And he asked for more apple for breakfast. :)

The First Shot

Before my birthday, and for about a year now, I was drooling over a DSLR camera. Specifically, I had my eye on the Canon Rebel EOS. They come with a decent price tag. I dropped hint after hint. And then I just made the decision that I would get one for myself and save up.

Well, then I got some birthday money. And after a day of browsing the internet, I discovered that with the masses of AmEx points that we have been hoarding for a vacation, I could get my camera for FREE. I pleaded with the hubs, and finally hit the submit order button for my Rebel EOS Xsi.

Turns out, I really don't remember that much from the photography classes I took in HS and college. And turns out, yep...this camera is kinda um...confusing. :) But I LOVE it!

Anyway, I have masses of photos on my computer now, and have been itching to go through them. The camera goes EVERYWHERE with me, even to work.

This is the first photo that I have come across that I really like. It could definately use some editing, and I have no idea what setting I took it on or how to make it better. But I like it.

(Notice the scab on Isaac's forehead and nose? Yep, that is from the screen incident....)

Paranoia

I am a paranoid person. Not about everything, but there are somethings that I am really really REALLY freaked out about happening to me or my family. Just thinking about them makes me sweaty and I can feel my blood pressure and anxiety levels rise.

Awhile ago I had a dream that someone was trying to take my baby. I spent the whole dream running away from them. I haven't been able to shake it. Do I think someone is going to take Isaac? God, I hope not. Do I feel like he is unsafe at daycare? No. Do I stand a little bit closer to him in the park and such? Yep. When I see a car like the one in my dream, does my pulse pick up a bit? Yep.

But that really isn't what this post is about, the dream I had. It's about my paranoia. I know exactly where it comes from. But I don't know how to make it go away.

When I was 15 years old, my birth father committed suicide. I won't hash the details here because I have talked about it before. But yeah, it sucked. After that, I really wasn't too paranoid. Then when I was 20, one of my best friends who I kinda not really dated for like a month told me that he couldn't live without me and killed himself. And that REALLY sucked.

And that....yeah, I think the paranoia comes from that.

Actually, I know it does. That was the kicker.

I am not paranoid that everyone I know is going to commit suicide.

But I am terrified of losing people. I hate that feeling when someone you care about is gone from your life. I know, no one likes it. But that's my paranoia. When my husband doesn't answer his phone, sometimes my mind goes to dark places. I would say 7 times out of 10 I realize that he is busy. If he is out of town, I realize that he is most likely drunk (Sorry, but true story) or asleep. The other 3 times, I am convinced he is dead and or missing and I call again and again and again. He knows that when that happens, I am freaking out and he picks up and says "I'm fine, I'm busy." (When I was preggers, he answered almost everytime I called just because I made him. Seriously, I could have been in labor. Or needed chili cheese fries or a sundae).

And because of that, this kidnapping dream has me freaked about losing Isaac. I go in his room a few more times a night to check on him. When I hear a loud bump in his room, I go in there, still realizing that it was him rolling over and hitting the wall, but still to check. My baby means everything to me.

I know it is normal for parents to worry about their children. And I can't think of one parent who wouldn't be absolutely devastated if soemthign happened to their kids. Worry is normal. It's healthy. Apprecriation for what you have, also healthy.

What I have....not so healthy. I have more than the normal level of worry.

How do I fix it? I don't want it to get worse. I don't want to be that crazy mom who won't let her son do anything because she is terrified of losing him somehow.

Baba is a Relative Term

So...Isaac had his 15 month checkup last Thursday. I kinda forgot to write about it. :( Ok, well I didn't really "forget" as much as I was being lazy.

Anyway, he weighed it at 22.5 pounds, my little bean. :) He is 31 and 3/4 inches tall. And his head is huge. I believe the crowning moment of the appointment was when Isaac was running around the room in his diaper after weight check and then all of a sudden was running naked because he had torn it off in a Chipendales style. Seriously. I watched him do it. It was like he ripped it at the seams and threw it off. Being that this was a medical facility, I figured that I would try to avoid him showering the room in urine, so I put another diaper on him. Guess what happened to that one? And the next? I was just putting on the fourth diaper when the Dr. walked in. Isaac chose that moment to yell "Mean Mommy!" Oh yes, we have moved into that phrase.

Anyway, during the visit we discovered that Isaac is cutting all his incisors and molars at the same time. WONDERFUL. We talked about his eating habits and potty habits. And then he asked if Isaac was still taking a bottle. Um...yes? He gets milk in bottles and juice in sippy cups. He drinks from the sippies really well. The doctor said that at this point he doesn't really need the bottles anymore and to start weaning him from them.

Sigh. This just seemed like a battle.

Isaac knows when it is time for his night time bottle. After his bath we warm it up and count down the seconds on the time. When it hits 1, we shout "BABA!" Then we cuddle and watch Wheel of Fortune and read books.

It turns out Baba is a relative term. I bought a ton more sippy cups. Isaac chose some with Mickey Mouse for daycare. I chose some longer ones that were shaped more like bottles, no handles. He still screams in excitement for the nighttime BABA! but it isn't so much about the bottle. I think it is the activity of drinking the milk that he is associating. He didn't even put up a fight in the slightest. Sometimes he doesn't drink as much milk before bed as he would have with the bottle. He woke up a few nights, clearly fussing for a bottle. It was hard, but I left him in the crib. He went back to sleep, but was STARVING those mornings. And he started drinking the whole "Baba" at night again.

He doesn't say baba for juice either, that is clearly "juuuuuuu."

So yeah. Dunzo with the bottles. They are all washed, sterilized, and packed up (quiet sob) to go into storage.

Mama

"...I traded eyeliner for dark circles, salon haircuts for ponytails, designer jeans for sweatpants, long showers for hairy legs, late nights at the clubs for early mornings, designer purses for diaper bags...and I wouldn't trade a thing back. "

No one will ever tell you that being a mother is easy, because it isn't. Sure parts of the job are easier than others...I mean how can a big bear hug possibly be difficult? Nothing really prepares you for the changes to come and oh how quickly they do.

The other day I was thinking of how my weekends have changed. No longer are they filled with shopping trips to the City, movies, sleeping in until 11, long bubble baths, and overall laziness. Not as many parties and having dinner and drinks with friends. Now, our weekends consist of baby showers, fundraisers, shopping trips for diapers and errands, DVRed shows from 3 weeks ago, short showers (if I am lucky and time it right it turns into a longer one!) and sleeping in is now considered 730. I can't tell you the last movie I saw in a theater that didn't involve weeks of planning.

My clothes are all stained and smell like baby-something..food, vomit, milk, spit, and I am lucky if they fit as every single body part is different now. I don't remember the last time I had a pedicure. I rarely get hair cuts, and when I do it has to remain long enough to put in a ponytail.

But I love it. I truly do. It's hard. And I get frustrated. Somedays I look at my life and think "I can't believe this is my life" wanting to tear my hair out. But most days, I look at my life and think "I can't believe this is my life" with a smile.

Especially days like this:

I had a wonderful 2nd Mother's Day, just me and Isaac. It rained and kept us from going to the park as planned. But we played. We sang "Isaac Lahman has a farm" and he say "E I E I." And the best parts of the day were when he laid his head on my shoulder and said "awwww Mama."

I am alot of things to alot of people. I have alot of titles, alot of names. But Mama, and all it comes with, is definately the best one. :)

It Was Bound to Happen Sometime...So Better To Get It Over With....

No mother likes it when her child gets injured. I can't think of one person that I know who would stand over a screaming, bleeding child and say "well, you brought it upon yourself, you know." Maybe that is because I would not be friends with those people.

Anyway, Isaac is all boy. He likes dirt. He likes bugs. He likes to be outside. He likes to be active. He's curious about everything.

And he likes to pound on the screen door. Remember how I live in a Dr. Suess house with crooked doorways and windows that are painted shut? Well, the screen door that is in the sliding door doesn't look. And it is old. We are constantly telling him not to push on the door and not to bang on the screen. I mean, the cats have almost knocked it out a few times. See where I am going with this?

Last night before we went to dinner, Ben was standing outside. I was in the kitchen. And Isaac got a RUNNING START from across the room, full spead ahead toward the screen door. I guess he wanted to be outside as well.

The next thing I know, Isaac and the screen door are both laying on the patio, and he is screaming.

I picked him up and cuddled him. There is a decent scrape/bruise/bump on his forehead and a smaller one on his nose.

This was bound to happen. He's a baby. And he is learning. I am pretty sure that based on the fall he took last night, and the tentativeness he had around the screen door after Ben put it back into the frame, he won't be as rough with it. And he did figure out how to get outside, the little problem solver.

Still, it was not so much fun for me to hear my baby howl from fear and pain.

So he got a lollipop. :) (See the bump above his left eye?)