and Twelve...bringing us back to One

Yesterday was Isaac's first birthday!

He has grown so much in the past 12 months, it's hard to believe that the picture of the itty bitty newborn that hangs in his room and that little man in jeans sitting on the bed are the same baby. He has changed so much, and the past year has flown by. Even since last month, he is so different!

He still is not walking, but he sure is trying! This kid is FEARLESS. He climbs over stuff and tries to jump off stuff. He tries to swim in the bath. He flops over on his tummy and puts his face into the water and kicks his legs. He gives me heart attacks routinely, every day. He also tries to do somersaults, putting his head down on the ground and trying to flip his body over his head.

He talks, boy, does he talk! My proudest moment thus far is teaching him to say "Daddy did it." Isaac, who broke this plate? "Daddy did it!" Isaac, who pooped his pants? "Daddy did it!" Ah, the joys! He also says "No Mama!" We are working on please and thank you. He waves and says "hi" and "bub bub." He claps and says "yay!" and squeals.

I love seeing his personality come through, more and more. It amazes me how he is his own little person, with favorite toys, his mannerisms, his expressions. He knows that certain things he does are funny, others are not. His growing comprehension blows my mind. I like to watch him figure out new toys and how he can work them. He figured out how to make the recliner rock, and now he loves to sit in it like a big boy and throw himself back against it to make it rock. He loves to push buttons, both literally and figuratively. He has definately begun to test his boundaries.

I think he is done with purees. I am trying to use up the last of them, creatively. He doesn't like to be fed anymore, he wants to do it all himself. I started giving him his own spoon. He can't really use it yet but he does know food goes on the spoon. He eats more and more big boy food everyday. He loves mac and cheese, toast, pancakes, grilled cheese, litte oranges, chicken nuggets, carrots....he's like his daddy and will eat anything. He has been on whole milk for about a month. He loves it! As happy as I am to be done with nursing, I actually miss it. I miss that closeness and bonding time.

And the kitties...he likes to lay down on top of them to cuddle them. If Guiliani wonders into Isaac's room, Isaac will bee line over to him, grab him, and flop down on him. It's cute, like he's hugging them, but they don't really um...find it so affectionate.

My favorite thing?

He still lets me snuggle him. :) I will take every precious snuggling moment I can get. I will drop everything to snuggle because I know it's fleeting.

Birth

"When you showed me myself, you know, I became someone else..."

365 days ago, I finished 29 hours of labor. 52 weeks ago, we became a family. 12 months ago, Isaac came into the world, into our lives and changed them forever. 1 year ago, my life changed gears and I became a mother, the best job I could have dreamed of having. After 37 weeks of pregnancy, I met my beautiful son.

No matter how you measure, Isaac hit his first birthday today.

Happy Birthday to my precious little boy. You have brought us a full year of joy, laughter, and smiles. We can't wait to see what you else you have in store for us.

The New 'Do

If I had to hear one more person ask me how old my little girl was, someone was going to get hurt. Isaac has long, thick eyelashes that frame his blue eyes. Apparently, that combined with longer hair that curls at the end, makes him a girly looking boy.

On Monday night, we headed out after work to get Isaac's first haircut, done by Miss K. He likes to look in the mirror. He loves Miss K. We were hoping for the best.

The before picture:
He sat in the chair and noticed his reflection.
Then Miss K tried to put the smock on him.


He wasn't having that. In order to calm him down, we gave him a comb.

Then, the cutting began.

He held a small bottle of hairspray. Sometimes, we got laughs and smiles.

But mostly, we got this:

And this:

He had to get some hugs from Mama in order to finish up...and to steady his head.
He liked all the hair being dusted off him.
The after picture:

The back...you can see his neck!
My big boy eating his after haircut dinner...maybe I snuck him some extra cookies.

After all was said and done, Isaac did not do too bad. Had we not attempted the smock, he might not have cried at all. I got my little plastic bag of baby curls. And he is still such a handsome man.

Perspective

Yesterday morning, my blackberry died. I was pretty sure my world was going to fall apart.

I um, occassionally let Isaac play with my locked phone. He likes to press the buttons and make it light up. If it's locked, I figured he can't hurt it. Sure it gets scratched to no end because he drops it and such, but I thought I buffered that with a neoprene casing. Not so much. Yesterday morning, he dribbled milk all over it, and the keypad/board DIED. No way to fix it.

Naturally, I freaked. We had to go to the store IMMEDIATELY to fix it. Like, when it happened, we were already late in fixing it, urgency.

I spent about an hour at the store, because we weren't eligible for a full upgrade until March 1, and no, they couldn't move that date up because technically it wasn't until May or something. Ben and I both got new phones in this past year. And being the genius that I am, I opted not to do the insurance because unlike my husband, I don't work in an automotive shop and lose it in cars all the time. Blackberry phones are not cheap. Without being eligible for the upgrade and rebates, I was looking at about $400. Unless, of course, I activated an old phone and used it until March, or added another line to our plan, which would cost about anther $14 a month but I would get a free phone. I opted to add the third line.

As I was setting up my new phone, I had the news on in the background. Of course, what is all over the news? The earthquake relief in Haiti. Now, I have been watching it and am deeply saddened. I did my text Haiti to 90999 to donate $10. But last night was a humbling experience. I watched all these images and videos of devastation, heard all these people retelling their account of the quake and who was lost to them. And there I was, sitting on my couch in my warm house, with dinner in the oven, dressed in clean clothes, watching my plasma TV and playing with my new Blackberry, while these people, these poor people, undeserving of this tragedy, were suffering.

I felt spoiled. I could have waited for a new phone. I WAS spoiled. Would it have been so bad if I couldn't get my email or tweets or texts on my phone for a few weeks? The money I had spent, getting this new phone, it could have helped these suffering people. I felt horrible and felt the need to do another donation. That money could have meant life or death for one of those beautiful babies being pulled from the rubble. One of those scared children, orphaned by the earthquake. Or refuge for an adult who lost everything.

These people have nothing.

I know everyone has their struggles in life. And, yes, we are fighting through an economic rescession and high unemployment. People are losing homes and jobs here in the United States. But let's be honest. Their entire world wasn't LEVELED. Katrina showed us that tragedy can hit close to home. But we pulled through it, because we had the manpower and the resources. Haiti doesn't.

As Americans, we have so much to be thankful for. We complain and we moan. We have debt, I have debt. We have sickness. But we have solutions. Just the other day I was freaking out because my daycare lady was telling me about her evacuation plan in the event of an earthquake. Reality was, yes I am terrified of the ground moving like that, but we live somewhere where there are strict building codes and evacuation plans and survival kits. Sure, we face our diasters. But not like what happened in Haiti.

I am blessed. I am spoiled. I have so much and don't realize that just giving up one of my mochas every week would help someone, somewhere more than I could ever understand. My husband balks at our $10 a day budget for coffee and lunch, etc. It is never enough for him, for me. How did we become this way, where that money that we have the luxury of spending on a frothy drink or deli sandwich is so taken for granted? How did I end up this person?

It is not the example I want to set for my son. I don't like to think of myself as ungrateful. But yesterday, I was acting that way. I needed a big dose of my reality, and just how good I have it.

Tree Huggers

I figured Isaac needed to get started early in embracing his inner environmental geek side. This past weekend, a co-worker and I participated in the first annual Lagun.a de Sa.nta Ro.sa TreeAThon, helping to plant over 850 Valley Oak trees, shrubs, and rose bushes to ecologically restore parts of the Laguna. And of course, Isaac came along. I was a little worried about how he would do, outside, in the chilly air, for the entire morning. He was fascinated. I borrowed a baby back pack carrier from another coworker, so he rested on the ground most of the time, in his puffy coat and 40 layers of clothing. He likes people watching, and there was alot of movement around him.

We did great until someone knocked him over, or he tipped himself over. I, personally, would like to believe he knocked himself over because you would think that if someone knocked over a baby, they would have the common decency to be embarrassed and apologize ten million times, or at least once, which no one did. I heard him cry and looked up from planting to see him face down in the grass. No worries, he was easily calmed by the puppy that was there. However, after that, he was DONE with tree planting. We went back to the parking lot and waited for everyone else to get back.

In the meantime, we played with his mittens. He was fascinated by them. It's like he couldn't figure out where his fingers were, but he could still feel them. :) And he had fun clapping his hands together in them.

When we got home, we were both pretty tuckered out. We crashed together on my bed for about 2 and a half hours. He always sleeps better cuddled next to Mommy. :)

Oh, and my coworker and I raised over $1000 in pledges for the TreeAThon! We raised the most money in the "team/couple" category and will get a VIP Laguna tour and Winemaker dinner and tour at a local vineyard. :) However, Isaac will not be attending those things. ;)

It all comes back to "Frien.ds"

Do you remember the episode of "Fri'ends" in which Rachel has just brought Emma home from the hospital and is watching her sleep with Phoebe and Monica? She says "I can't believe how much I love her. Like right now, I miss her. I actually miss her." Phoebe says "You know that's her, right?" Then Rachel picks her up and Emma proceeds to scream and cry for the rest of the episode.

Before Isaac was born, I was Phoebe. I didn't get it. I knew parents loved their babies, but I just did really GET it. And now....now, I am Rachel.

Yes, there are times and have been times that my baby is right next to me, but I miss him. I miss holding him, cuddling him, talking to him, kissing him, playing with him. He's right there. But I miss him.

Last night after Isaac went to sleep, I went in to tuck him in and make sure he was cozy and warm. After his was snug under his blanket, I just stood there, staring at him. And man, oh man, did I miss that kid. I was absolutely aching to pick him up and hold him.

I am not going to lie. Sometimes I do pick him up. I wait until he is in a deep sleep and then I pick him up, and we go to the recliner and cuddle in the light of the TV screen. I learned the hard way to at least wait until he is truly out before picking him up. 9 times out of 10, I let him sleep. I know how important his sleep routine is, and I don't want to even risk waking him up.

But sometimes I just miss him too much.

The Things That Don't Fit Me Anymore

I am a packrat. Nothing like you see on "Hoa.rders," but I save alot of stuff that I probably don't need. Ok, I KNOW I don't need. I am getting better, I swear. Isaac's stuff takes up alot of room, so I can either pack stuff up and store it or just get rid of it. And moving multiple times has made me tired. I don't like packing and unpacking. Lots of stuff just ends up staying in the boxes. Pointless, right? I know.

The other day Isaac pulled open a dresser drawer and proceeded to throw every single item in said drawer out onto the floor. I waited until he was no longer interested in this task, then started to put the things back in the drawer just as they had been. Then I realized exactly WHAT I was putting back in the drawer.

Ok, I know that pregnancy changes your body. And I am fine with what has happened to my body. I am well below my pre-pregnancy weight, but stuff just doesn't fit the same. Like those low rider jeans that I loved that "technically" still fit? Let's be honest. I am never going to wear those again. At that, alot of my pre-preggo pants just don't fit the same. I have already gotten new ones. The old ones probably won't ever fit the same again, and if they ever do, will I even want to wear them?

Isaac's little play with the drawer game inspired me. I was wasting valuable real estate in my dresser and closet on things that I will never wear again.

Other things that don't fit?

Sadly, a vast majority of my VS bra collection. I am not sorry for ONE SECOND that I breastfed my son for 11 months. Not at all. The girls aren't the same though. Oh, those full coverage bras still fit....as demis. :) Now, that is just not right. And seriously, how many push ups does a mother of a 1 year old (I know he isn't actually "1" yet. I am practicing to get myself used to the idea) need? Probably not, um.....20. 3 will probably work just fine right?

Sooo....that means alot of my shirts don't fit the same anymore.

Shoes. My feet are different. I don't know how, but they are. Some shoes are way tighter, and I don't have time to have pinched feet with blisters while chasing a toddler.

Jewelry. Ok, does anyone know how to loose finger fat? Like I said, below pre-preggo weight, but the new weight is distributed to different areas. Plus I can't really wear earrings and necklaces right now, because Isaac is like a baby barracuda and is drawn to the sparkly things. I like my earlobes in tact, thank you very much. Those things have been put away for safe keeping, unless it was like, cheap costume jewelry. Will I ever wear those gold plated shell earrings again or that hemp necklace? Doubtful. So long.

It's not just clothes that don't fit anymore. There are certain things that just don't fit ME as a person, a mother and my lifestyle.

HBO? Those movie channels that I never have time to watch but pay for every month and cost as much as a pack of diapers? That's a no brainer. Netflix? I have had the same movies since May. There's another pack of diapers.

And honestly...there are some relationships in my life that don't just fit anymore. That makes me sad. My friends are so important to me, and I know that once you graduate and spread out and move on, maintaining those relationships takes work. There are certain friends that I could spend years apart from, and then when I see them, it's like we haven't spent a day apart. We can be as different as night and day, and it doesn't matter. Others, yeah....sadly, we have nothing to talk about because our lives have moved so far apart and in different directions. Our interests and priorities are different. That is fine. Becoming a wife and mother has given me new friends. And quite honestly, I don't have the time or energy to put into relationships that are not reciprocal. :(

Anyway, this new year has thus far been about decluttering my life from things that no longer fit, be it clothes or expenses or whatnot. It is quite the process, but I am getting there.

And you know what?

It feels pretty darn good!

Uh Oh! Night-Night!

I have gotten to spend the past two weeks at home with Isaac, for the holidays. We spent alot of quality time together, and getting in some hardcore playing. We worked on motor skills and stuff, like clapping and standing alone. He is doing really well. He's getting the clapping thing pretty well. He's not very adept at bringing his hands together and whenever he see's us clap, he seems to think he is clapping when he opens and closes each hand, like bye-bye. :) It's cute. But cuter when he actually claps, because he looks so proud of himself.

One thing he has got down is "uh oh!" Whenever he would drop something or knock something over, we would say "uh oh!" He would repeat us and smile. Now he does it on his own. And he also says it when he can't reach something. He's been saying the words for a while, but he just started using it in the correct context.

This weekend he got another one. :) We have been saying "Night Night" when we lay our heads on the pillow or put him in his crib for bed or nap time. On Saturday, he pulled a pillow off the couch onto the floor and put his head down on it and said "nigh-nigh." I was stunned. I applauded his acheivement and then picked him up. He laid his head on my shoulder and said it again. I put him in his crib with his blankie and he turned on his aquarium and laid down and WENT TO SLEEP.

I was floored. Seriously, did my baby just tell me he was tired and wanted a nap?!

I can't believe how far he has come, how much he can do. Being able to verbally communicate with us like that is a big milestone for him. I am so proud of him. :)