Catch 22

We recently had a run-in with our bank. They botched up a bunch of stuff for us and didn't fix it. Ok, rather, our personal banker did it. And the bank wouldn't cover the fees for her mistakes, etc. But that is not the point of this post. We closed all the accounts that we could at this bank and moved our business elsewhere. This included Isaac's account. I established new savings and checking accounts for us, and rolled over our IRAs at new, nice bank. The only account I did not re-establish was Isaac's. And for no reason other than I haven't had his social with me to do so whenever I have been at the new bank.

Well, my husband and I started talking about what kind of account we wanted for him. Old bank had a great money market account that was perfect for the moment. New bank offers a wider range of products that seem suitable. So what's my catch 22? Ah, the infamous 529 account.

As I sat discussing the possibilities of accounts with the investment specialist, this type of account came up many times. New banker person asked what it was about 529s that we were opposed to. And I should say I am not opposed to them. I think they are a wonderful product and we seriously considered them. I want my child to have money for his education and I liked the return rates, etc. Here's why we decided not to.

Recent research into the 529 accounts (and I mean at my office with coworkers research) revealed that a 529 account can inhibit my son from receiving federal financial aid. Not federal loans, but grants, etc. The kind you don't have to pay back. Now, I would like to envision that my son will get full funding for whereever he wants to go to school, or at least a pretty sweet deal, but let's be realistic. In 18 years, the price of a semester's tuition at even a state school will most likely be equivalent to pruchasing a new car or even feeding a small nation. A coworkers banker literally told him that the 529 could prevent state and federal financial aid, and the ability to get a private loan for school. It wouldn't impact the any scholarship or grants said student would receive from the school or private sources though. Hmmmmm.

What really sealed the deal for us was that a 529 has to be used for education. I know, duh, right? So what happens if my kid doesn't want to go to school? He doesn't get the money unless he pays penalty fees up the wazoo. In an ideal world, I want my son to go to college. But if he doesn't want to, I will support him in that decision too. I want him to do what will make him happy. Yes, I will push the college road as much as I can, but it isn't for everyone. My husband didn't go to college. I got my Masters and he still makes more money than me! I have heard that a 529 also will not apply toward education at a vocational school, like culinary school.

When I told new banker person my drawbacks, she seemed a little taken aback. Like "why wouldn't you force your child to go to school?" That just isn't who we are. She said the fund could go to another one of our children. More drawbacks: What if we don't want more children? And if we do, how nice is it to say "Oh sorry son. All that money that everyone has given you over the years...yeah, you can't have that. But your sibling can!" I want my son to have the future that he wants, not what we want. Again, we will encourage him to go to college, but we will encourage him more to follow his heart and dreams. Sometimes that does not involve college.

And say he does go to college. And say he gets a great financial aid package. He can't use the money for living expenses or such. Just tuitional and educational fees. According to new banker person, that is.

So that's it. The 529 is our catch 22. Great if Isaac wants to go to college. Not great if he doesn't. I just don't know what to do. Any thoughts or suggestions? :( HELP ME!!!!

Hit Me With Your Best Shot

Or four...preferrably 2 in each thigh, please.

Isaac had his 4 month appointment today. And he did smashingly. He was all smiles and laughs with the nurses and doctor. He is still really small...13lbs 4 oz and 24 1/2 inches. Again, the Dr. wasn't worried. He is gaining a normal amount of weight at a good rate. And we have yet to supplement with formula. Still ahead with his motor skills and movements, too. Yay Isaac!

And he did better with his shots than I did. No, seriously. I cried more than him. I just can't stand watching them hold down his little legs that he loves to kick so much. His face turns all red cause he tries to kick them free and he can't. And then to watch his little face when the shots, come....I want to punch the nurse in the face for making my baby cry.

I know I can't. But it doesn't stop those maternal instincts of protecting my baby from what is hurting him.

Anyway, he cried for about 20 seconds and was fine as soon as I picked him up. He's been a little fussy this evening, but we have been cuddling him, so it's manageable.

If we do ok with the rice cereal for the next week or so, we can start on oats and barley. No purees until 6 months though.

Ok, I am exhausted. Days off make me just as tired as working ones these days.

Let Me Tell You A Secret...About a Father's Love

I know my husband loves our baby boy. I mean, he's both our child. And I know it is different than the way that I love Isaac. I'm his mommy for crying out loud. The peanut lived in me for 37 weeks. I guess I really just didn't understand HOW Ben loved our baby...until last night.

Work days are hectic for both of us, especially ones that are the first day of the week we are both at work and Isaac is at daycare. I get home and put a pre-made dinner in the oven, do about 10 million chores, and get everything ready for the morning while the baby watches Baby Einstein or sleeps or plays for 30-45 minutes. Its a hectic time in order to get everything done. We are all tired and aching to go to bed.

Well, when he gets home, I usually pass Isaac off to Ben so I can get dinner out of the oven and get Isaac's bath ready. Yesterday night, I was flying around the house and the dinner timer went off. I went to take the baby back so Ben could eat.

"No, we're fine. I like to hold my boy."

I just kinda stopped. I don't know why it hit me the way it did. I just realized that yeah...he misses Isaac during the day too. He loves Isaac in a way I don't understand, that is different from the way I do. He takes care of him in a totally different way, but he enjoys it. He isn't afraid of him when he screams anymore and poopy diapers are tackled with no fear. I knew these things, I just never really took the time to think about them.

Ben has a relationship with Isaac unlike mine, but just as wonderful and rewarding. He has games he plays with him that Isaac won't play with me cause it's a daddy game. His mannerism are different around Ben and his expectations are different.I am hard on him for the way he does things for Isaac because it isn't the way that I, his mommy, does them. But the bottom line is, Isaac loves him and vice versa. And Ben knows how to take care of his son.

As I sat in the armchair and pumped, I looked over at the rest of my family on the couch. And I realized just how damn lucky we are. And how loved my baby boy is by both his parents.

It's completely different than what I have with Isaac, but its real and its there. Its a bond only known between father and son.

You see, daddies don't just love their children every now and then....it's a love without end, amen.

Four

My baby boy hit the 4 month mark today! As I was organizing photos to put in his 2-4 month album, I was simply amazed at how he has grown and changed in just these four short months. His personality and disposition is more and more apparent everyday, and I am so looking forward to what develops in him next.



















Oh my little Isaac, how the time flies by so quickly. I wish I could freeze it for just a minute, so I could just hold you.

His 4 month appointment is on Thursday. I am mentally preparing myself to watch them hold his legs down and stick needles into his thighs, while his little face goes from happy to "what the he$$!!!!" in less than a second. I am not sure how much he weighs, but we did manage to hold down the wiggle worm long enough to see that he passed 25 inches. He is still really small, I think. He is still in most of his 0-3 month clothing and just barely into Size 2 diapers. Like, the Size 2s are ginormous on him. We haven't had any major blowouts in the smaller size, knock on wood.

We have whole conversations now filled with goo's, coo's, aroo's and moo's. Although he still fits in the bouncer, it has become a thing of the past as he likes to be up level with mommy and daddy while at home. He loves to stand and jump, so the jumperoo may need to be assembled shortly. He loves the bath, loves to splash, loves the water. He has definately become more mobile. I will put him on his play mat and come back 5 minutes later and he will be completely flipped around. I must have a break dancer on my hands, with all the spinning he does. He sits up really well and loves to sit in his activity chair. His feet are in his mouth constantly, as is Sophie, the French girafe (I didn't name her...that is what her box said!).



I started giving him cereal last week. I put about 1 tablespoon into 4 ounces of milk and he loves it. This came about because Miss K told me that he ate 7 ounces in one feeding. Yeah...so I don't pump that much. I am getting between 4 and 5. He needed a supplement. LOVES IT!


I can't believe how fast the 4 months has gone by. It seems like just yesterday I was begging for the epidural (well, I might have asked for one while I was getting my IUD...is that wrong?)

On the Side

Ok, so for a while I have been mentioning a supplemental income, or a side business. I wanted to wait until everything was set up and ready to go before I really said anything. Now it is, so the blogosphere can here about it.

I am an independent Mary Kay beauty consultant!

I never expected to do this. I was in retail for 5 years. But when I went home, a good friend that I went to undergrad with was offering free facials since she is trying to move up in status. I wanted to help her, so I agreed. I had no idea the makeover (no pun intended) that Mary Kay received. Or rather, my idea of the company was skewed. She completely convinced me to do it. The benefits that I can receive blow my mind. No, really. Foremost, it will allow me more and more time with Isaac as my business grows.

What does this all mean for me? I am still working my full-time job. I can do this whenever I like, however much I like, etc. It's up to me. It is giving me a fantastic way to earn the money we need to reach our goals as a family: paying off debt, moving closer to family, and buying a house. And it means we will get there that much sooner.

What does this mean for you? Oh, yes! It means something for you! In order to kick start my new business, I am offering a 20% discount off a first-time order through my Mary Kay website. 20% off of anything and everything. And all orders through my site will get free shipping, no matter what is ordered. :) Even if you just happen upon this blog by random, I will give you the discount (at my discretion....as I said, I worked retail. I know the shady ones and the tricks).

Tomorrow is my grand opening party, and I am really excited for it. I have already met some wonderful people, and I am looking forward to meeting more. Most of all, I am thrilled to pieces about what this means for me, Ben, and Isaac. :)

It really doesn't matter, when you look at me that way...

This morning I had an extremely hard time leaving Isaac. We had our normal morning routine, but after he got done eating he snuggled up against me and buried his face in my shoulder. We sat there on the couch and cuddled for as long as we could before I had to get everything and everyone ready to go out the door. He whimpered a bit when I put him down in the boppy. He did the same snuggly thing when I picked up to go into the car seat. Once fastened into the seat, I got a look that seemed to say "Why can't I just stay with you today, Mommy? Where are you going that I can't come?"

And it broke my heart.

The morning continued, but as I got into my car at Miss K's, I felt the tears well up. I cried so hard that I had to stop at home to fix my makeup before coming to work.

I have been back to work for almost 3 weeks now. The guilt seemed to set in this morning I guess. It just seemed like I was in the wrong place today. As I drove to work, all I kept hearing in my head was "Whose dream are you making come true today? Is it yours? Or someone else's?"

I love my job (yes, I really do. I am not just saying that in case a coworker drops on by my blog). And deep down I know that the reality of it all is that in order to get where I want our family to be, settled into a house that we own, closer to family, etc., I have to work now. I love my job...but I love my baby more.

I don't know why I am feeling this way right now. I was fine with going back to work, and I was looking forward to it. Today...today, I am not. Today I am angry at my situation and want to change it. Today, I want to floor it all the way to daycare, scoop up my baby boy and retreat back into our bubble where it was just me and him. I am mad that my milk is going into a bottle instead of into his mouth. I am upset that when he cries, it isn't mommy who holds him tight.

I know we will be ok. I know that I am just becoming burnt out and frustrated, and tired. And I know that I feel guilty for crawling into bed early last night, and not spending more time with Isaac these past two nights.

So here I sit, in front of a computer, working on an RFQ, wondering what my dream really is and if it even matters as much as never having to see that look on my child's face again.

Proud

I am a proud mama. I am not going to hide it, I think my baby boy is amazing and I love to share his accomplishments and to show off his pictures. He changes so much from day to day, and it is amazing to watch him grow and develop into his personality and disposition. He is the light of my life.

Isaac is not the only person I aim my pride at these days. I am always proud of my family and friends, but there are two people that really deserve a hefty pat on the back.

My little brother, who is sadly not so little anymore, became a League champion in track this weekend! @$$ haulin' Colin, as my friends and I have dubbed him, won the mile race with a time of 4:36. He is only a sophomore! And he came in second place for the 800, which he only lost by a second, if even. I mean, seriously, who runs that fast? Morever, I got the chance to see this little flash in action when I was in Ohio, and he makes it look so effortless! The kid doesn't even look like he is winded in the slightest! So big CONGRATS from the California branch of the fam, Colin! We couldn't be prouder of you! :0

And then there is one of my nearest and dearest, longtime BFF Z. After about 10 million years of school, she is becoming a Dr. of Drugs very soon. That, alone, makes me very proud. Not just because of the title or the graduation, but because it illustrates her drive, hardwork, and determination. She also has started her own photography website, and gosh darn it, is she good! The things she is able to accomplish continue to amaze me. I have known her since 1st grade, and I have seen her go through many stages in her life. I am so proud of her, and to call her my friend. I could not have picked a better godmother to Isaac. Snaps for Z! :)