Split

Packing up clothes and toys and other things that Isaac has outgrown holds two very distinct emotions for me.

It makes me sad.

Sad, because like every parent, I think he is growing up too fast and I want to freeze time for just a moment to hold him a little longer, while he lets me. I remember certain moments related to specific items and remember them with wistful smile as I pack up memories of bring home my newborn; memories of first smiles, first times he met family and friends. As I packed up his bouncer, I remembered how he used to sleep in it as a teeny baby while I showered, seat in the bathroom.

And it makes me excited.

Excited, because it marks new steps in his life. It means he is growing up healthily, albeit too fast. Moving past certain milestones means knew ones are close ahead. Packing up the bassinet meant that Isaac was finally sleeping in his crib. Moving the bouncer into the basement makes room for the activity chair. Each item marks a transition into something new. It marks how far we've come.

Saying so long to certain baby items has been bittersweet. But at the same time, it has been relieving.

Isaac doesn't need to sit in the bouncer in the bathroom anymore. Nor do I have to wait until he is asleep to take a shower. I can put him in his playpen or in his room and take the monitor into the bathroom...and finally enjoy a shower that is longer than 5 minutes. I don't have to stand there and make the split decision on washing my hair or face because I only have time for one.

I no longer wake to every whimper that he makes while sleeping. We both sleep better. He is able to roll around to find a comfortable position, and so am I. I no longer have a newborn cradle in the crook of my arm while I sleep, nor have a co sleeper taking up a third of my bed. I don't have to worry about blankets falling into the bassinet. He's safe and happy in his crib, in his toasty room.

But still, every time I go into the basement for laundry, I pause at the bassinet. I run my hands along the rim and recall how small my boy looked in it. It seems like a lifetime ago and yesterday all at the same time.

I hold up his sleeper that we brought him home from the hospital in. I look at the picture of him wearing it, drowning in it because the newborn size was too big on him. I look at the newborn diaper I saved, belittled by the size 2-3 that fills the diaper stacker. So small. So very, very small.

He has come so far so quickly. I am so proud of him.

This is why you have more babies right? :)

Honest Blog Award

I was awarded the Honest Blog award by CJ from My So Called Life With Twins. :) Wahoo!

By winning this award, I have a couple rules to follow:

1. Must thank the person who gave me the award, list it, and link it! CHECK! :)

2. Share "10 Honest Things" about yourself.

3. Present this award to 7 others whose blogs you find brilliant in content and/or design, or htose who have encouraged you. (7? I can only pick 7?!)

4. Tell those 7 people the have been awarded HONEST SCRAP and inform them of the guidelines in receiving the award.

Without further ado....

10 Honest Things about Isaac's Mommy

1. I eat slightly wierd combos of food, mostly involving popcorn. I eat peanut M&Ms with popcorn. I also eat Doritos with popcorn. Fritos with cottage cheese. Ketchup with scrambled eggs. Ketchup with mac and cheese. Hot dogs and scrambled eggs.

2. I love the smell of Ivory soap. I buy the bars and unwrap them and put them in my shower. I don't use them, I just smell them.

3. I hate my knees. I don't wear shorts or skirts because I hate them that much. My knee caps are funny.

4. I am an OSU fan...but did not go to school there. Neither did my husband. That's just how we roll in the Midwest.

5. I love to bake and cook. I have about 10 million recipes and cookbooks. That is only a slight exaggeration.

6. I am a horrible driver. HORRIBLE. And I get nasty bad road rage. Not a good combo.

7. I am addicted to the MTV reality shows: Real World, The Hills, The City...etc. I will not stop watching and I am not ashamed.

8. I have wierd OCDs. Like sometimes, I know I should be stressed, but I am not...so I stress that I am not stressed. And I wash my hands ALOT.

9. I sing pop songs to my baby. He loves them. I don't know any baby songs. Britney I know. He also gets alot of MB20 and RT.

10. My first job was under the golden arches of McD's. And I met my husband there. :)

Whew! Ok, these 7 people, tag!

1. Ann at The Grady Chronicles
2. Aimee at Momma's June Bugs
3. Stacie at Never Clever
4. Trisha at Totally Trish
5. Alison at (un)complicate me
6. AJ48 at Baby Steps and The Life We Live
7. Andrea at Walking the Tightrope

The only thing I will say about these fine ladies is that I love what they write. They have all helped me in different ways, and inspire me every day. :)

Uuuuuuuupppppp!

Isaac learned to crawl about 3 weeks ago. And then last night...he stood up. We knew it was coming...he's been doing a mean downward dog since before he was crawling.

Now his favorite thing to do is stand. He crawls over to me and climbs up my leg, or claws his way up into a standing position. And my favorite thing...he covers my face in baby kisses.

He doesn't say Mama yet, but I will take this. :)

He also crawls over to me, extends his arms ups and makes the "uh! uh!" noises, asking to be picked up.

I love that too...right now. :)

We also had our 9 month check up today. Isaac weighs in at a healthy 19 lbs 4 oz and measure 28 and 3/4 inches. He is still ahead on his motor skills and physical activity development, further convincing Ben he has a star athlete on his hands. Last night he developed a huge rash on his back, which sent me into a frenzy thinking he had a food allergy or shingles...and it turned out to be eczema.

As the Doctor was checking out Isaac, he whispered to me that he had just gotten in more H1N1 vaccine and did we want this? Sure! I was instructed not to mention it while in the office, because he didn't have enough, and barely had any of the regular flu vaccines. I assured him I was not about to start a riot. :) We got the flu booster and his first H1N1. We go back for the second H1N1, polio, and hep B in December.

And we scheduled his 12 month appointment. His 1 year checkup. 1 YEAR.

And then I cried. :)

Wordless Wednesday

Today, if you are reading my blog, take a minute and go give the Spohrs a hug on Maddie's 2nd birthday. The world is a better place because of this little girl.

Stop by the Friends of Maddie website, and help premature babies make it to their 2nd birthdays and well beyond.

And then go to your own child, and hug them as if you are never letting go. Every day with a child is a blessing. Treat it as such.

Happy Birthday Precious Maddie!

Me No Likey!

I talk alot about the things that my baby likes, things that make him laugh. He's a happy baby. But there are things of which Isaac is not so much a fan. This morning I was reminded of one such thing.

Isaac hates trash bags. I was changing the trash in the kitchen while Isaac was in his walker before leaving for the day. I shook out the new trash bag, and man oh man, did he remind me how much he did not like that! He screamed and started crying. Dually noted, little man. Mommy will never change the trash again!

He doesn't like bananas. At all. Mashed, pureed, chunked. Hates em. I have to hide them amongst other food in trickery. When I give him the chunks, he seriously picked around them, eating only the cheerios.

And um, he doesn't like sleep. Seriously. It is ridiculous how much this kid fights sleep. It gets pretty ugly at night when bedtime rolls around. This does not bode well for us.

He doesn't like to sit and read books. He loves books, just not in a sitting position. We have to read books laying on our backs on Mommy's and Daddy's bed.

And Isaac does not like having shirts pulled over his head. He cries when we are either doing this to dress him or undress him.

It is absolutely fascinating to me to watch as this little person's personality continues to develop and shine through; all these little likes and dislikes that make him uniquely him. They make him the little guy that I love. They make him uniquely my baby boy, different from everyone else.

Helpless

There are many things that make me feel like a failure as a mother. Ok, maybe not a complete FAILURE, but make me feel like I am severely inadequete. Like the fact that I can sweep my floor 20 times a day, but Isaac still finds the ONE teeny piece of old cheerio or something and starts to gag on it.

I had a 2 day class this past weekend, Friday and Saturday, (that I LOVED, but that's another story) so Ben stayed with Isaac and had serious Daddy-Son bonding time. They played ball and watch football and burped and all that boy stuff. Boy stuff that Isaac knows how to work. He's at that stage where he doesn't cry for food. He knows when meal time is, and he hates bottles because solid food is way more fun. So unless he is repeatedly given the bottle before his meals and inbetween, he doesn't drink. That involves him having to stop playing and he hates that. So he plays his Daddy like a fiddle.

This should be seeming fine, except that Isaac is also a kid that hates sleeping. Seriously. HATES SLEEPING. He fights sleep something fierce. I literally have to hold him tight to me to get him to stop squirming and moving around before he will fall asleep. He screams, he hates it. Otherwise he doesn't sleep. It's a necessary evil in the stage we are in right now. And once he relaxes, the kid is out.

However, if he hasn't eaten enough during the day, he doesn't stay asleep. And Isaac is one of those babies that gets too comfy while nursing and falls asleep before he's full sometimes, especially now because he is so damn tired from not sleeping much during the day. When he was teeny we used to have to strip him down sometimes to prevent him from getting all warm and cozy so he'd eat and get full and not throw a wrench into his milk supply.

This was the case on Saturday night. He hadn't eaten properly during the day. And he was exhausted. So he was up once an hour, almost every hour from 9 to 12. At 12:30 I was dry. And Isaac was not satiated. I tried bottle after bottle, but he is not a bottle baby. This is something we have to work on. I tried for an hour+. He didn't want to be rocked, or bounced. He didn't want his back rubbed. He wanted to nurse.

I had to put him in the crib. Zip him up (cat tent). Close the door.

And let him scream.

Oh and he did.

I laid in bed and cried.

Cried because my baby was crying and I couldn't soothe him.

Cried because I couldn't give him what he needed.

Cried because I felt...helpless.

Ben wrapped his arms around me. I cried myself to sleep.

Ben didn't sleep. He informed me the next morning that Isaac screamed for the majority of 3 and a half hours before he finally fell asleep. When Isaac woke up at his normal time of 7am, his little eyes were all red and puffy.

It broke my heart. I hated that feeling. I hate feeling helpless in terms of my own child.

Hey Grandma and Grandpa!

Isaac recently received a package from Ben's parents. He was quite fascinated by the box. He keep biting it and trying to rip it open with his teeth.

Once the presents were out of the box, I took it away. He was upset. It was like I had taken the best part of the present away. Next time, Grandma and Grandpa....you really don't need to purchase anything to go in the box. :)