Monday, October 11, 2010


I have never been the type of person who lets life happen to her. I have always made my life happen. I know what I want and I do what it takes to get there. People who don't and complain about their situation kinda bug me. Ok, that's not true. They DO bug me. I mean, if you are unhappy in your situation, you are the only one who can change it. You have to make things happen for you. You can't just wait around until something happens. That's lazy.

And then I realized that I HAVE become that person to an effect. I lost sight of what I want, who I want to be, where I want to be. I feel like my husband and I have been waiting for something to happen to us, to give our lives direction. That's not likely, right? I mean, we aren't moaning and bitching. We know we have it pretty good. We like California. We have jobs that give us benefits. We have a healthy baby (ok toddler, whatever). And it's not that we are unhappy.

But in a way, we are. We know that bottom line, we don't want to stay here forever. We want our kids to have a yard. We want a house. We want alot of things that aren't impossible to get in this area, but will be harder to obtain. So we have kinda been putting our feelers out there to see what could happen. And nothing has. Because we are waiting for it to happen, and we aren't MAKING it happen. We are waiting for something to point us in the direction.

How do you make something happen when you don't know what you want? We have become complacent and I can admit that. We are happily unhappy. We are living day to day and not thinking about the future in the way we should be thinking. We are waiting for a push and somehow that led us to complacency. We have started to become people who wait for life to happen. And we don't want that.

What are the next steps? How to fix this? What is broken that requires the fixing? WHAT DO WE WANT?

I don't like that I have become this way, truly. I know alot in our lives has changed. We are definately different people than we used to be, as we should be. Experiences have changed us, made us wiser. We know that there are certain ways NOT to do things and obtain what we want. And we know that some of the things we thought we wanted, in fact, are just not right for us. Maybe some of the thing we had previously disregarded are now right for us, for our future.

Bottom line is that we need to figure out what we want. As individuals, and as a family. And then figure out how to make it a reality.

1 comment:

andrea said...

i feel the same exact way. I am working so so hard to make a change in my life professionally and am getting increasingly frustrating.
something has to give, sometime, right?