I had a photograph from Isaac's 4th of July escapades all picked out and ready to go for today's Wordless Wednesday. But then something came up last night that needs to be discussed, bumping off the photograph.
My daycare lady, Miss K, gave me notice last night.
I had a feeling it was coming. The State cut the daycare subsidy from the budget and all the State funded kids lost their daycare. This cut off some of her kids. And it really makes no sense. Low income families NEED TO WORK, CALIFORNIA! Maybe we don't pass a bill giving first time home buyers a 10k tax credit over 3 years, and we actually let people keep their jobs. Just a thought.
And then one mom lost her job, so she is at home with her son, also one of Miss K's daycare kids. Another kid went to preschool in June. She has one drop in, who comes like once or twice a month. Her last kid with Isaac was baby J, whose parents are now involved in a child support legal dispute, forcing them to move and baby J to stay with his grandma while his parents work. That made Isaac her only daycare kid. And he only goes there 3 days a week. Miss K was making less than $4 an hour. That does not put food on the table.
So anyway, I got her phone call last night. I was expecting it but I was still blindsided. I hung up the phone and cried. (I also found a tick in Isaac's bed, which didn't help matters.) Isaac has 2 weeks left with Miss K.
And I don't know what to do.
I did the number crunching a while back to see where we stood financially. All that is keeping me at work is about $1300, $500 of that goes to daycare each month, give or take. $800 was what it worked out that I was working for. $800 is all we need to cut each month to keep me home with Isaac. That isn't my full salary, so anything more than that $800 in theory is extra considering we don't blow it or have more bills (which usually happens. Inevitably, the car breaks or life insurance premiums are due, or we need plane tickets, or my husband breaks his phone AGAIN). And believe it or not, it is pretty hard to cut $800 from a household. It doesn't seem like it would be, but it is. :(
Sooo...yeah. I could stay home with Isaac. We could figure out a way to make it work. But I don't know if that is what I really want. I have worked really, really hard to get to the position I am in now, and I really like my job (most days...I mean, who loves their job every single minute of every single day?). I am developing my position into exactly what I want it to be, meaning I am making my job. I never wanted to stay at home full time. Granted, I made this decision when Isaac was small, small, itty bitty 5 month old baby peanut. He's older now. Things would be different.
Plus, we have talked about having another child sometime in the next year or so. And then I don't know how I would feel about working while pregnant, working after another newborn with 2 kids in daycare.
Miss K gave me some other options. Isaac's alternate daycare provider said she would take him full time. This is a very appealing option, EXCEPT...she's pregnant, due in December. So come December, I am making this decision all over again. However, that gives me more time to pay down bills and SAVE like a madwoman. And we might be in a better position to really consider me staying home full time. But what if I don't want to? The daycare search begins again. And what if she has the baby early or complications (god forbid) with her pregnancy?
Miss K also gave me the number for one of her friends who does daycare. This daycare is literally right across the street. Literally, we can walk there. And Isaac has met this lady, because she has come to Miss K's before. However, she has 14 kids at her daycare right now. I am sure that number will go down in once school starts up, and she has an assistant. And Isaac is a social little boy. He adapts easily, and quickly. He makes friends. The transition to a larger daycare means alot of different things, include more sickness. Less one on one time. We have an interview there on Friday afternoon.
I can start the daycare search all over again. ALL. OVER. Alot of places have closed, again, THANKS CALIFORNIA! YOU ROCK! And other places, will be CROWDED.
If I stay home, am I ready to do that? To walk away from the job I have worked so hard to have? That I am working so hard at? Would we be ok financially? Would I be able to hold onto my sanity?
I NEED HELP! I NEED ADVICE! I NEED A DRINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have alot of thinking, and number crunching and soul searching to do.
Adult decisions kind of suck. Like, big time. And adult decisions that have to be made as a mother are not easier, by any means. I am makign decisions that affect my child's life, his well being. This is my heart, outside my body, that I am entrusting with another person.
Where's that drink? :(