Wednesday, July 7, 2010

A Not So Wordless Wednesday

I had a photograph from Isaac's 4th of July escapades all picked out and ready to go for today's Wordless Wednesday. But then something came up last night that needs to be discussed, bumping off the photograph.

My daycare lady, Miss K, gave me notice last night.

I had a feeling it was coming. The State cut the daycare subsidy from the budget and all the State funded kids lost their daycare. This cut off some of her kids. And it really makes no sense. Low income families NEED TO WORK, CALIFORNIA! Maybe we don't pass a bill giving first time home buyers a 10k tax credit over 3 years, and we actually let people keep their jobs. Just a thought.

And then one mom lost her job, so she is at home with her son, also one of Miss K's daycare kids. Another kid went to preschool in June. She has one drop in, who comes like once or twice a month. Her last kid with Isaac was baby J, whose parents are now involved in a child support legal dispute, forcing them to move and baby J to stay with his grandma while his parents work. That made Isaac her only daycare kid. And he only goes there 3 days a week. Miss K was making less than $4 an hour. That does not put food on the table.

So anyway, I got her phone call last night. I was expecting it but I was still blindsided. I hung up the phone and cried. (I also found a tick in Isaac's bed, which didn't help matters.) Isaac has 2 weeks left with Miss K.

And I don't know what to do.

I did the number crunching a while back to see where we stood financially. All that is keeping me at work is about $1300, $500 of that goes to daycare each month, give or take. $800 was what it worked out that I was working for. $800 is all we need to cut each month to keep me home with Isaac. That isn't my full salary, so anything more than that $800 in theory is extra considering we don't blow it or have more bills (which usually happens. Inevitably, the car breaks or life insurance premiums are due, or we need plane tickets, or my husband breaks his phone AGAIN). And believe it or not, it is pretty hard to cut $800 from a household. It doesn't seem like it would be, but it is. :(

Sooo...yeah. I could stay home with Isaac. We could figure out a way to make it work. But I don't know if that is what I really want. I have worked really, really hard to get to the position I am in now, and I really like my job (most days...I mean, who loves their job every single minute of every single day?). I am developing my position into exactly what I want it to be, meaning I am making my job. I never wanted to stay at home full time. Granted, I made this decision when Isaac was small, small, itty bitty 5 month old baby peanut. He's older now. Things would be different.

Plus, we have talked about having another child sometime in the next year or so. And then I don't know how I would feel about working while pregnant, working after another newborn with 2 kids in daycare.

Miss K gave me some other options. Isaac's alternate daycare provider said she would take him full time. This is a very appealing option, EXCEPT...she's pregnant, due in December. So come December, I am making this decision all over again. However, that gives me more time to pay down bills and SAVE like a madwoman. And we might be in a better position to really consider me staying home full time. But what if I don't want to? The daycare search begins again. And what if she has the baby early or complications (god forbid) with her pregnancy?

Miss K also gave me the number for one of her friends who does daycare. This daycare is literally right across the street. Literally, we can walk there. And Isaac has met this lady, because she has come to Miss K's before. However, she has 14 kids at her daycare right now. I am sure that number will go down in once school starts up, and she has an assistant. And Isaac is a social little boy. He adapts easily, and quickly. He makes friends. The transition to a larger daycare means alot of different things, include more sickness. Less one on one time. We have an interview there on Friday afternoon.

I can start the daycare search all over again. ALL. OVER. Alot of places have closed, again, THANKS CALIFORNIA! YOU ROCK! And other places, will be CROWDED.

If I stay home, am I ready to do that? To walk away from the job I have worked so hard to have? That I am working so hard at? Would we be ok financially? Would I be able to hold onto my sanity?

I NEED HELP! I NEED ADVICE! I NEED A DRINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have alot of thinking, and number crunching and soul searching to do.

Adult decisions kind of suck. Like, big time. And adult decisions that have to be made as a mother are not easier, by any means. I am makign decisions that affect my child's life, his well being. This is my heart, outside my body, that I am entrusting with another person.

Where's that drink? :(

8 comments:

Stacie said...

I'm not in a position to stay at home with Laney either. She only goes to daycare 3 days a week as well. I work the other two days from home with her there.

This is only what I would do if I were in the same position as you're in now. I would probably find a new daycare and continue working. I too love my job and have worked hard to get to where I am at. I don't think I would want to be a full-time stay-at-home mom. We are planning on baby #2 right now and quitting my job would only make things more stressful.

I say:
1- keep the job
2- find a new daycare provider
3- keep saving because that's never a bad idea

Grady Chronicles said...

Good luck Sara. Many times I feel like you do now. That whole, "What do I do?" and there is no ideal option and I worry and I complain and I cry and I give major attitude and then 9.5 times out of 10 everything ends up working out usually all on its own. I know it will work out for you and your family too!!

LabMom said...

Oh that is awful.
I have similar issues since I was actually paying to work and recently quit to SAH.

The daycare search is so hard. It is good you have some leads and keep telling yourself nothing has to be for forever. If it doesn't work out you can always move DCPs. It isn't an irreversible decision.

Andrea said...

What a hard decision! If it's any help, I love being a SAHM. I will admit it's rough sometimes (not as often as you'd think, thankfully), but very rewarding. I think after you spent some time doing it, you'll agree that you made a good choice. :-) I don't think you'd regret it.

However, I think if I was YOU right now at this point, I'd take up the offer of daycare with the lady who is pregnant. And I would definitely save to possibly stay at home starting later in the year. Then it puts off the decision of whether to stay at home, but is that really a bad thing? You can make the decision over months instead of weeks. Then maybe he can switch to the large daycare when the lady goes on maternity leave if you decide to keep working. And honestly, I would choose to stay at home in December, maybe make that step to TTC again.

Food for thought.... I'm sure you will make the right decision!! You're a great mom and wife so don't stress about it too much!

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Kat from California said...

All your comments reminds me of how greatful I am of the time I had with my daughter as a baby. I gave up a full time job as a teacher. I was subbing for a while then got sick. So since I didn't work full time I don't ahve enough hours for disability.

If he can handle the large day care let him stay there till you find another place. Keep on saving which is really hard to do on one income and pray.

I wish you a lot of luck and hope to hear good news. :)

S.Allen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
S.Allen said...

When I first found out that I was pregnant, with my first, I knew from that day that I never wanted to work another day secularly until she was 18. And I haven't since 3 months into my pregnancy. I now have two beautiful daughters that sometimes make me wish I had an "escape" like a job outside of the home. But when I read stories about mom's who are in the same situations as you I never once feel any shame, regret or sorrow for not having a secular job. It reminds me of all that I do have taking care of and raising my two girls. My oldest, who is four, is ready to start first grade. Her intelligence amazes everyone. She is so polite, well-mannered, and beautiful. And my second who just turned a year is following close in her footsteps. They brings me joy everyday, even when I don't want to get out of bed (for whatever reason). You may think that your really no different than what I've described and your right in a small measure. But you will never have the fullfillment you have at your job in all your success as you will as a parent. Why not take the opportunity now to grow up with your child? Why not give your child the best opportunity they can have by being there with them everyday? You won't regret it, and your rewards will be ten-fold those any "job" could give you now. You said it yourself, it's not so hard to cut $800. Stop being selfish and do it! :)