Right Now

I heard that old Va.n Hal.en song the other day. You know, the one from the Pepsi commercial way back when? Right now! And it kinda got me thinking.

Anyway, I am a planner. I like to plan. I plan out the future over and over again. As much as it irritates me when wrenches get thrown in my plans, I secretly like it. I think it's a disease, like washing your hands too much (which I also think I do). Sometimes I do so much planning, I don't enjoy the right now. I catch myself doing it, getting all worked up about something that might happen, hasn't happened, or such.

I used to thrive on drama. Seriously. I think I would look for it. I didn't know how to live without drama because for a while, well yeah...things were dramatic. I didn't know how to be me, a me without the drama. And finally, my head hurt too much. It hurt from all the drama that I fully believe I was attracting into my life. Law of attraction, you know. I decided that drama was preventing me from living in the right now. I decided that that wasn't what anyone needed anymore.

Anyway, I am a firm believer that you allow your life happens as you let it. At least, you choose how you react to things. I think planning helped me try to avoid more drama. Like, I could plan so much that nothing could go wrong. Then it would, and I could plan some more. It was a vicious cycle that I have felt stuck in for while.

I don't want to miss out on what is happening right now. Drama prevents me from doing that. Being unhappy prevents me from doing that. Planning too much for things that don't ever end up happening prevent me from doing that. I am a firm believer in that only you can change your life. Only you can make it what you want it to be.

I want to live more in the right now.

Especially because my son's life is racing past me and he is getting bigger and bigger. He changes so much everyday. If I don't slow down, if I don't live more in this moment, I am going to miss too much.