Thursday, April 7, 2011

I tried...But I'm Not...I'm Angry.

Today I am angry. I am angry at quite a few things.

I am angry at my daycare. Last thursday I got a call to pick up Isaac because he had thrown up. I kept him home until yesterday. I babied him. He was scheduled to go to daycare on Tuesday. On Monday, Ben and I had a long conversation about whether or not to send him, and ultimately decided to keep him home one more day to ensure his health. He had a great day on Tuesday, and hardly had a runny nose at all. I dropped him off yesterday and got a message a little after lunch that Isaac was sick and had a bad runny green nose. FANTASTIC. I called the doctor and made him an appointment for later that day. I picked him up.

The main daycare lady told me she had pneumonia since last week. And didn't tell me. She didn't tell me that she had this sickness after she sent my child home TWICE. She didn't tell me so maybe I would have thought his symptoms might have been a little more severe. She didn't tell me the entire time I was communicating with her about whether or not Isaac was attending on Tuesday. So I am angry about that.

Isaac has an ear infection. A pretty bad one that is causing the green runny nose. His lungs were clear and he didn't have a fever. The Dr. said he wasn't contagious. I planned to keep him home, he'd been through alot. I was told to watch for pneumonia, and he got a prescription for antibiotics. I let the daycare know, so they coudl let other parents know Isaac wasn't contagious. I received a message back that said many things that stung about how Isaac had a horrible day, woke kids up from nap, couldn't play, and had received comments about his nose from other parents. I am not sure what the intention of this message was, whether it was frantically trying to convince me that Isaac couldnt' come to daycare today or what. It rubbed me the wrong way. I was angry about that.

Most of all, I am angry at myself. Isaac has been saying "owie" for days. I assumed it was his molars. He has been putting his hands in his mouth and biting on things. He has been putting fruit snacks in the back of his mouth and chomping. He hasn't been sleeping well. He hasn't been eating a whole lot. He wasn't pulling on his ears or telling me that they hurt him. But still, I am mad at myself for dismissing his pain as teething pain, allergies, and a cold. I am angry at myself for not realizing the source of my child's pain. I am angry for being so frustrated with his fussiness the past week, when it could have been an ear infection the whole time causing it. I am angry at myself for yelling at him.

I am angry for many reasons. The anger is festering and spreading throughout other aspects of my life. I'm lashing out at people. I'm highly irritable. I'm trying to curb it, but I'm exhausted...mentally, physically, and emotionally. I'm so so tired that it's just easier to keep being angry. I don't want to be, but I am.

I'm just angry today. :(


Open Roads Mama said...

I know how you feel, safe blame is part mama's life! Once they start communicating better, it'll be a lot easier on us, as well as on them. Hope your baby feels better soon!

Aimee said...

I would be pissed off too! Don't beat yourself up for not knowing about the ears! However, I would be pissed with daycare lady. Who cares if he is having a bad day--don't we all? And his nose... other parents complaining about his nose--really?
Hope tomorrow is a better day.

CJ said...

:( :(. Been there. Maybe WWF will cheer you up? :)