It's a Funny Thing, Time

The last time I was in graduate school, I was working 30+ hours a week at VS, taking a full class load, teaching 2 lab sections of undergrad intro bio, conducting my research and writing my thesis. I was also planning my wedding that was taking place across the country, and maintaining a home, albeit small. My planner WAS COLOR CODED. I never missed a deadline or paid a bill late. I was caught up on my TV shows, I cooked and cleaned, and I blogged. I also had time to spend with friends. I am pretty sure I was a MACHINE.

This time...well, everything is completely.

I'm teaching. I'm taking a full class load. I'm planning out my dissertation. The academic part is still there.

My priorities have shifted. And I have realized that things that used to be important...they really just aren't anymore. Spending an extra hour on a paper as opposed to doing puzzles with Isaac? Not a hard choice. I still want to do the best I can do. But an A on a quiz just seems so petty next to watching a movie with Boo and tickling him. It boils down to this...I COULD spend extra time on school stuff. I could spend every waking minute possible on campus. I could read into the night.

But at this moment in time, that all seems trivial. There are better uses of my time. I don't care if I am the best anymore. I want to be the best mother, the best wife that I can be. I know I am a good student. I'm a great one. I know how to learn. I know how to study. I know to teach myself what people want me to. This is my 3rd post-secondary degree. I got this. That undergrad and Master's student mind frame has dissipated and only relics remain.

Time has changed me. My time is valuable. My time with Isaac is more precious than any degree could ever  be. This PhD...it's already teaching me more about myself than I ever thought it would.

Moving Updates

I am tired. So very tired. Here's why:

I finished up my last day of work last Friday (6/10). I thought I was busy at work. I trained a new person for a few aspects of my position, closed out what projects I could, passed work onto others, etc. I took last weekend off to decompress and gear up for this past week. Isaac and I went to Edition one last time with Aunties K and G (SOB!), ate at Bristol Farms, and walked through Chinatown so I could get more of my plates and buy Isaac toy cable cars.

I spend 2 days online, emailing, on the phone...trying to find a place to live. And I found us a great house that we are renting! It's absolutely perfect for us and it's really close to campus. What's better is we have a lease to buy option, so if we love it as much as I think we will, we will get that in line. Once we get settled, that is. :) Isaac has plenty of space and his own playroom off his bedroom!

I spent the next day getting a lease printed, signed, scanned, emailed and mailed.

I reserved the moving truck. Holy empty bank account, Batman! I got numerous quotes, joined AAA and booked the best deal.

I bought my BIL's ticket to come out and help us move.

I set up utilities and cable at the new house.

I made Dr's appointments for this next week.

I ordered a new keyboard for my laptop.

I ordered Isaac's Cars toddler bed.

I bought an iPad headrest mount for the long journey back east.

I bought another cat carrier, harness, and leash. Yep, that's necessary.

I took 2 cats to the vet to get up to date on their vaccinations, health certificates, and kitty valium.

I set up bank transfers for accounts we have autodeduct from, that don't have branches in Ohio.

I showed our rental here about 200 times. PAIN IN THE REAR. Our landlord is paying us to do it. Otherwise I wouldn't.

I started getting rid of stuff we (READ: I) don't want to move. Making lists of things to sell.

I called daycares to set up appointments for Isaac to come try them out.

I got my VS blood money claim and Medela pump claim filled out and mailed. Locating the receipt for my pump was fun, given the state of my guest room/office.

I mapped out or moving route. Now to call AAA to get my hotels.

Oh yeah, and totally forgot to mail the Father's Day cards I bought 2 weeks ago until Thursday.

I have three to-do lists. I have done returns. I have made purchases. My head hurts.

My logic is that I should drink up my almond champagne because it's one less thing I have to pack and move. I am also cleaning through my cupboards and freezer, which aren't too cluttered after my $10 a week challenge. Nevertheless, we will be having some interesting meals in the next few weeks.

This time next month, I will be a Buckeye again!

Breathe!

I am embarassingly behind in all aspects of my life. We took a vacation to Ohio for Halloween, and I haven't got caught up yet. My house is a mess, there is still laundry to do, WE GOT A DOG, work is busy busy BUSY, applications are going in (more in this later), did you know THANKSGIVING is in like 2 weeks? so I need a turkey!, bills still need to be paid while you are on vacation, Christmas is looming and I still don't have my Halloween pics downloaded....SIGH.

There is a lot in the works for the Lahman family (NO, I AM NOT PREGNANT), and I will write more soon. As soon as I can breathe again...Ok, maybe before then. Because I never catch my breath.

Complacent

I have never been the type of person who lets life happen to her. I have always made my life happen. I know what I want and I do what it takes to get there. People who don't and complain about their situation kinda bug me. Ok, that's not true. They DO bug me. I mean, if you are unhappy in your situation, you are the only one who can change it. You have to make things happen for you. You can't just wait around until something happens. That's lazy.


And then I realized that I HAVE become that person to an effect. I lost sight of what I want, who I want to be, where I want to be. I feel like my husband and I have been waiting for something to happen to us, to give our lives direction. That's not likely, right? I mean, we aren't moaning and bitching. We know we have it pretty good. We like California. We have jobs that give us benefits. We have a healthy baby (ok toddler, whatever). And it's not that we are unhappy.


But in a way, we are. We know that bottom line, we don't want to stay here forever. We want our kids to have a yard. We want a house. We want alot of things that aren't impossible to get in this area, but will be harder to obtain. So we have kinda been putting our feelers out there to see what could happen. And nothing has. Because we are waiting for it to happen, and we aren't MAKING it happen. We are waiting for something to point us in the direction.


How do you make something happen when you don't know what you want? We have become complacent and I can admit that. We are happily unhappy. We are living day to day and not thinking about the future in the way we should be thinking. We are waiting for a push and somehow that led us to complacency. We have started to become people who wait for life to happen. And we don't want that.


What are the next steps? How to fix this? What is broken that requires the fixing? WHAT DO WE WANT?


I don't like that I have become this way, truly. I know alot in our lives has changed. We are definately different people than we used to be, as we should be. Experiences have changed us, made us wiser. We know that there are certain ways NOT to do things and obtain what we want. And we know that some of the things we thought we wanted, in fact, are just not right for us. Maybe some of the thing we had previously disregarded are now right for us, for our future.


Bottom line is that we need to figure out what we want. As individuals, and as a family. And then figure out how to make it a reality.

The Lahman Family Disney Movie, Complete With Birds and Cheezits.

When I got home from work on Monday, I wasn't even out of the car before I knew something was up. Isaac was in the yard playing with BIL and Dozer, and Ben was doing something (I don't even care what it was. He is always do SOMETHING to one of the cars and I tend to block it out) to his car. As soon as I got out of the car, Isaac started with his "Mama! Hi Mama! Mama!" running toward me and pointing. Not far behind him was Dozer and not far behind him was BIL who said "So, you have a new pet bird."

Um....WHAT?!

He pointed up into the tree right above where I was standing. Sure enough, there was a little bird. A little bird who had apparently been friendly with them all afternoon.

This bird, let me tell you, was like, straight out of a Disney movie. It followed us aroudn the yard, sat on our shoulders and arms, ate food out of our hands, and even let Isaac touch him. I half expected a show of other woodland creatures to emerge in song. Seriously, when we moved in the yard, he moved with us.

And I guess I was the only one with any concern for the bird. My husband and BIL apparently thought that all birds were supposed to behave in this fashion. My first thought to be perfectly honest (and morbid) was that someone had died and was visiting us in the form of a Disney bird. Seriously. My mind went there.

My rationale thought was that it was a baby bird, a big baby bird, but still a baby, who didn't know better. I suggested we call wildlife rescue. I think my husband laughed at me. LAUGHED. I was all "Um...who has the advanced Biology degree and animal husbandry training in this family?" This bird was NOT NORMAL. How many times do I need to reiterate this? Normal birds don't behave like this! I ended up calling a coworker who has quite a hand in the wildlife rescue field. Upon sending him a cell phone picture, he confirmed it was a finch fledgling that was undoubtedly a little begger and most likely his mama had been watching him in a panic fo rthe past few hours waiting for him to be left alone so she could take him away.

I ushered everyone inside and closed the door just before the little bird flew into the house. 5 minutes later the bird was gone.

And in the 5 minutes it took for the bird to go away, I learned that my baby bird HAD NOT EATEN ANYTHING BUT CHEEZITS since I gave him breakfast of french toast sticks and banana before leaving for work. 9 hours. Nothing but CHEEZITS. My husband said when he got home from dropping off the car (see above annoyance about his obssessions), Isaac was tired and cranky. However, upon putting him down for his nap, he wouldn't sleep. So Ben got him up and discovered said Disney bird.

HE DIDN'T SLEEP BECAUSE HE WAS STARVING!!!!!!!!!!! I am so glad he was able to feed a bird but not his son.

After continuous wifely scolding and shaming, Isaac had 2 dinners that night. Oh you know what makes it even better? I had previously scolded Ben about feeding Isaac happy meals all the time. He claimed he didn't know what to give him so I wrote out a menu of options.

The next day I called after lunchtime and asked if Isaac had eaten. I got this response : Why are you checking in on me? Do you think I can't take care of my own son?

Um, YES! When my son has not had anything to eat in the 9 hours I leave him with you except for CHEEZITS, that is EXACTLY what I think.

Le sigh. Here's hoping this Disney movie doesn't have a sequel.

The Things That Don't Fit Me Anymore

I am a packrat. Nothing like you see on "Hoa.rders," but I save alot of stuff that I probably don't need. Ok, I KNOW I don't need. I am getting better, I swear. Isaac's stuff takes up alot of room, so I can either pack stuff up and store it or just get rid of it. And moving multiple times has made me tired. I don't like packing and unpacking. Lots of stuff just ends up staying in the boxes. Pointless, right? I know.

The other day Isaac pulled open a dresser drawer and proceeded to throw every single item in said drawer out onto the floor. I waited until he was no longer interested in this task, then started to put the things back in the drawer just as they had been. Then I realized exactly WHAT I was putting back in the drawer.

Ok, I know that pregnancy changes your body. And I am fine with what has happened to my body. I am well below my pre-pregnancy weight, but stuff just doesn't fit the same. Like those low rider jeans that I loved that "technically" still fit? Let's be honest. I am never going to wear those again. At that, alot of my pre-preggo pants just don't fit the same. I have already gotten new ones. The old ones probably won't ever fit the same again, and if they ever do, will I even want to wear them?

Isaac's little play with the drawer game inspired me. I was wasting valuable real estate in my dresser and closet on things that I will never wear again.

Other things that don't fit?

Sadly, a vast majority of my VS bra collection. I am not sorry for ONE SECOND that I breastfed my son for 11 months. Not at all. The girls aren't the same though. Oh, those full coverage bras still fit....as demis. :) Now, that is just not right. And seriously, how many push ups does a mother of a 1 year old (I know he isn't actually "1" yet. I am practicing to get myself used to the idea) need? Probably not, um.....20. 3 will probably work just fine right?

Sooo....that means alot of my shirts don't fit the same anymore.

Shoes. My feet are different. I don't know how, but they are. Some shoes are way tighter, and I don't have time to have pinched feet with blisters while chasing a toddler.

Jewelry. Ok, does anyone know how to loose finger fat? Like I said, below pre-preggo weight, but the new weight is distributed to different areas. Plus I can't really wear earrings and necklaces right now, because Isaac is like a baby barracuda and is drawn to the sparkly things. I like my earlobes in tact, thank you very much. Those things have been put away for safe keeping, unless it was like, cheap costume jewelry. Will I ever wear those gold plated shell earrings again or that hemp necklace? Doubtful. So long.

It's not just clothes that don't fit anymore. There are certain things that just don't fit ME as a person, a mother and my lifestyle.

HBO? Those movie channels that I never have time to watch but pay for every month and cost as much as a pack of diapers? That's a no brainer. Netflix? I have had the same movies since May. There's another pack of diapers.

And honestly...there are some relationships in my life that don't just fit anymore. That makes me sad. My friends are so important to me, and I know that once you graduate and spread out and move on, maintaining those relationships takes work. There are certain friends that I could spend years apart from, and then when I see them, it's like we haven't spent a day apart. We can be as different as night and day, and it doesn't matter. Others, yeah....sadly, we have nothing to talk about because our lives have moved so far apart and in different directions. Our interests and priorities are different. That is fine. Becoming a wife and mother has given me new friends. And quite honestly, I don't have the time or energy to put into relationships that are not reciprocal. :(

Anyway, this new year has thus far been about decluttering my life from things that no longer fit, be it clothes or expenses or whatnot. It is quite the process, but I am getting there.

And you know what?

It feels pretty darn good!

Welcome to Motherhood!

My mind has been stolen.

I still have my brain, but it isn't functioning quite the same. I am pretty sure my mind is floating around out there somewhere. The one that graduated valedictorian, magna cum laude, and got her Master's. I am pretty sure it is next to that flip flop I can't find for the life of me.

I recently read (or maybe it was a while ago...again, my mind is missing. It could have been years ago, really.) that everyone talks about how your mind goes to mush when you are pregnant, and you get pregnancy brain. And what they don't tell you is that YOU NEVER GET YOUR MIND BACK. (If the person that said this is reading this, let me know. You are my hero.)

IT'S TRUE.

Sometimes I wander into a room and forget why I came in there. Oh wait, it gets better. After a couple of dumbfounded minutes, I give up and go back to what I was doing. Then I will remember and go back into the other room, only to realize...I have forgotten again. After about the third time, I give up. Sometimes I am determined, and I will let it go to 6 times. True story.

So I am pretty sure that when that baby popped out, my mind popped out with him and rolled under the hospital bed. In all the commotion, I am pretty sure it got thrown out with the bedsheets.

And you know what went with it? THE ABILITY TO RELAX.

I used to enjoy filling up the tub with bubbles, pouring a glass of wine and watching SATC episodes on my laptop everynight to unwind. (Relax, the computer was always on the closed toilet or counter. I wasn't THAT tipsy.) I can't do that anymore. For several reasons.

First, I can't go anywhere in this house while Isaac is here and in a different room without hearing him cry. He is most times not even crying. But I hear him in my mind. I am constantly listening for his cries, so subconsiously, I rush through whatever I am doing. Monitors don't help. I have tried.

Second, our bath tub here is ginormous and I would drown. I can't get comfy or I will drown. Plus you know, I can't consume as much alcohol while I am nursing.

Even when I am in the house by myself, I can't relax. I try to catch up on some DVRed shows (because I can never watch shows when they are airing. DVR was invented by a mother. I am sure of it.), and I can't focus on them because I am thinking about 10 million other things that I should be doing instead of watched the DVRed shows. Every time I close my eyes at night, I see things I should be doing. If I wasn't so exhausted\, I would probably haul myself out of bed to do them. Really.

I must need to try some meditation classes or yog or SOMETHING. I need to learn to shut this busy mind off and escape somewhere where I don't hear imaginary baby cries or see dust bunnies blow across the floor amongst the crushed kitty crunchies and gerber puffs. And where I can cut out of work a few hours early without having to recrunch our budget in my head to see if I can actually afford to do so without forcing my hsuband and baby to eat ramen for dinner. I am pretty sure this land doesn't exist.

How do I know this?

Um...because I am a mother.

So fellow mommies, fellow bloggers, ANYONE. HOW DO YOU RELAX? HELP ME!!!!!!

I will say I do enjoy naming all the things I can now do one-handed though. It's staggering and impressive.

Time

Time goes really really fast.

I mean, duh, right?

But seriously, it goes really fast.

And I feel like ever since Isaac was born, it has upped it's speed of passing several thousand notches. There is never enough time anymore. I need about 10 more hours in my day.

I used to be hyper-organized and motivated. And now I am just...not. It's not that I don't try to be. It's like something gets lost in translation between me and my mind. I have millions of things that I need to do, and technically have time to do, I just can't focus.

It's wasting time. Seriously wasting time. Time that is flying by. Time that I don't have to waste.

It's sloppy. And I hate it.

I have always been an advocate for changing what you are not happy with in your life (Ok, not always, I had a few blips...but that's another story). I don't feeling like I don't have any control over my life. I don't like that most days I have zero motivation. It tells me something is drastically wrong.

I am not happy with the way things are going. I know there are some things I can't change and don't have control of at this point. I am trying to learn to relax and just not harp on some things. Like when something goes awry and I have to have it fixed RIGHT NOW and I can't focus on anything else until it's taken care of. This usually happens on a Friday evening and involves parties that cannot be reached until Monday.

I can't blame PPD for everything. It's only part of the problem. And I refuse to be defined by it. It doesn't change who I am.

I used to be really good at balancing. I color-coded my planner. I was a wiz at time management. I mean, I could teach 2 bio labs, do my thesis research, take my own classes, work almost full time, plan my wedding, and maintain my apartment and relationships.

I can't do that anymore. I have cobwebs in my kitchen that have their own cobwebs. I have clothes in bags that haven't been touched since they were purchased. I haven't talked to some of my friends in what feels like centuries.

My brain goes in 50 million directions at once. I am not sure if it is sleep deprivation on top of PPD on top of something else on top of something else. For example, while pumping I was thinking about the proposal that needs to go out next week, what I need to do for Mary Kay, what I can make for dinner, that I still have to order Isaac's photo prints, all while trying to catch up on blogs (on my blackberry) and singing a song in my head that has been stuck there all day.

I want my motivation back. I don't want to be wasting time, letting precious moments slip by untouched. They could be spent doing things way more constructive, relaxing, or with my baby. They could be filled with a million things that they are not.

I often change my mind on which direction I want my life to go, who I want to be. It changes as my life changes. It changes to accomodate new things.

I have some ideas on what I want next.

No more wasted time.

To-Do: Trash the List

Everyone has a To-Do List. I swear I have had the same list for about the past 5 months. I hate my to-do list. HATE IT. It just makes me feel inferior because I never, ever get to cross everything off. I even write things on it that I have already done, just so I can cross them off. It never works. The list just grows and grows.

So this past weekend...I threw it away. I don't need a constant reminder of what needs done. I mean, if it was important enough to make it onto the list, I will remember it. Like, everytime I open the cupboard, I can see I need to rearrange the tupperware and throw out whatever doesn't have a lid. Whenever I walk into the guest room I can see that I need to wash the blanket that Layla puked on (It's not still in the room, it's in the basment and has been Shouted many times over, I just see the empty spot on the bed), and that maybe I should file my Mary Kay order slips and unpack the boxes in the corner. I don't need a daily reminder to make me feel inadequete. True story.

Instead, in the morning, I pick one thing that I want to get done that day. And then at the end of every day, I am writing out what I did get done. For example yesterday I wanted to make mini apple pies with the apples from our yard. This is what my Done list looked like:

-swept floor
-unloaded and reloaded dishwasher
-lysoled kitchen counters
-made apple pies
-rearranged living room to accomodate packnplay
-put bottles together
-uploaded 6 month pics to flash drive
-unloaded and reloaded dishwasher again
-took out recycling
-dusted living room and dining room
-sprayed Guiliani in the face 4 times because he ran outside.

I feel better about myself when I see what I actually have gotten done, not what I have not even gotten close to beginning. Call me crazy, but this little mind game works for me.

Yummy in My Tummy

Today, or tonight I should say, I started making my second batch of frozen dinners for quick baking during the work week. I make 8 dinners to freeze and eat over the next two weeks, the other three nights I make dinner because I don't work.

I started my dinners at 8:30 and finished everything, including the cleanup, by 10:45. I made five dinners tonight, and am going to make the last three tomorrow. On tonight's menu was Chicken Ratatoullie, Sirloin Tip and Mushroom Pasta, Chicken Cesear Tetrazini, Roasted Pepper and Black Bean Pasta, and Sausage Potato Bake.Tomorrow is Shrimp Parmasean, White Bean and Ham soup, and Potato Cakes with Peas and Ham.

I am really glad I make the dinners for a couple reasons. First, it makes my week so much easier. Ben picks something out of the freezer the night before, and when I get home from picking up Isaac at daycare, I put it in the oven to whatever cooking instructions I have written on the container. Then I get to snuggle and play with my baby boy for the hour it would normally take me to make dinner. The extra time with my baby is priceless, and it alleviates a huge amount of stress from my week. By making the dinners, and planning for them, I am able to follow more of a grocery budget and our bill has gone way done.

I also enjoy controlling what I put in my body. I have never been so aware of the quality of food I have been eating, and the effects it has on my body, and thus my baby's. Never before in my life have I made sure I am getting the right amount of vegetables and grains, etc. And I am so tired when we get home, the last thing I really want to do is make dinner. More than likely, if I didn't make these dinners, I would be grabbing take out or a frozen pizza. I have tons of cookbooks and recipes just begging to be made. And I do love cooking. When we first moved to San Fran.cisco, I was so bloody busy with school, teaching, work, and wedding planning, that I used cooking and baking to destress. It gave me a blcok of time where the only thing I had to think about was what I was making, and it reallly cleared my mind and relaxed me.

Now, the dinners are freezing. The counters are cleaned off. I have eaten a bowl of Cou.nt Choc.ula and am watching an episode on DVRed CS.I M.iam.i before I snuggle into bed. Thankfully, dear little man has been sleeping in 6 hour blocks, so he only really wakes once a night to eat now. Yes, I am tired and there are many things I would like to do with my time, but doing something to better my life and my family's feels like a good tired.

(*PS...I never post recipes, but if I ever mention something that sounds good, let me know! Everything I make to freeze takes about 30 minutes to make (and only some of them are Rachea.l R.ay), and about 30 minutes to reheat or bake.)

Lazy Day

Isaac and I have been having a lazy Wednesday. We stayed in our jammies until about 12:30, and took a big long nap this morning. It is way, way, way cooler out today so I have the doors open and it is really nice and cool in the house. Isaac is currently napping (again! finally he will nap in the afternoons!) on my bed which is his new favorite thing to do. :)

When I say lazy, I guess I should clarify that I am actually getting some stuff done, like cleaning and laundry. And I have started makingmy first freeze-it-for-work dinner, Chicken Pozole. I am procrastinating doing any real work for my new side job (I will talk about it one day I swear), and instead I have decided to play around on CafeMom.com.

It just feels like such a relaxing day, and thus seems a shame to clutter it with chores and such.

Remember my project list? I did start tackling the filing one last night...and man, it has been a while since I have done that! I have stuff from 2003. And not tax related stuff. I am trying to remember my rationale in keeping it, but no can do. It's getting shredded.

I also have started to try to track down Ben's old stock option plan from his job in Ohio before we moved. I found the last statement that he received before we moved,dated for 4/2003. We moved 8/2003, so I am guessing he might have a few more shares. However, the company now has a different name, and the website provided is no longer valid. I called the company, and of course, they are closed....damn time difference. I did however, compare the stock quote from today for that company and it has tripled since receiving this letter. That is of today. I am not sure what it has done in the 6 years between, and I am not sure what happens to it when the company changes hands. I have to call the HR department again tomorrow.

Speaking of investments (which I don't do because I know nothing about them), Ben finally opened his new retirement fund with his new company! They do contribution matching (yay!) and we decided on a set amount, which is actually fairly low. We picked this amount since I haven't worked in 14 weeks, and the SDI people seem to hate on me everyday. Plus this year is debt reduction year. We can always increase it later. Anyway, the point was that he has techinically woked for this compnay for 5 years, even though he worked in a franchise store. Now he works for corporate. In order to catch him up, they took the amount we specified and retro-ed it from the number of paychecks he has received since starting there. So....yeah. It was kind of alot to take out of one check. The only good thing is that the company matched what they took so we got a good jump start on the plan.

Ok this post is boring. I have to put up a picture of my baby to reward you for reading it. :)

Hot in Here!!!

It has been 90+ degrees here the past two days. It is supposed to cool down over the next few days and possibly even rain. This wouldn't be so bad, and we are actually used to the 100+ degree dry heat summers...except we just move into a house with no A/C. To increase the horrendousness that was yesterday and today, there are no screens in the windows, so I can't open them. Well, I could but then I would be running after two feline family members outside in the heat...

Getting some sort of cool airflow, especially through our room and Isaac's room is on our list of things to do once our tax refund hits our bank. Since we rent, I don't think central air is an option, but we are certainly and strongly considering two window units. And I am calling the landlord to ask about the screens ASAP.

My husband and I grew up in Ohio, where the humidity and heat raged rampant from June to August, so we are used to uncomfortable heat. Isaac, of course is not. :( Poor baby. I have had all our fans going, and the doors open. Isaac has been in his onesie and diaper. I have been changing his diaper frequently and dousing him in powder. I have kept the curtains drawn across the big windows and closed the blinds in our rooms once the sun hits them. I have even been wiping him down with a tepid cloth. We've sat in the shade to catch the breeze. It is just so hard to hear him be so uncomfortable and not be able to help him more. We took an air conditioned car ride today, and he liked that.

I am not usually so ill-prepared for weather extremes (with the exception of the snow in Ohio 2 weeks ago), but we didn't think it would get so hot so fast. Prepping the house for a hot summer is definately on the top of the list now.

Since I spent most of the day trying to keep the baby cool, not alot else got done. We did get an HD cable box for the bedroom for the new TV (did I talk about that? Hmmmm), and I did get some bills sorted out and some stuff set up for my "supplemental income" (no it's NOT drugs!!!!). Speaking of bills, I got the official itemized hospital bill, and have sent a copy off to my madre to check over along with the list of what we used, asked for, etc. My $819 total does include the happy drip! I only had a few questions, so hopefully I can get that sorted out by the end of the week and paid before I go back to work.

Ok, my attention must be averted elsewhere....did I mention that "the Hil.ls" is my guilty pleasure?

New Projects

I made a decision about the stocking kit I want to order for Isaac. I am not allowed to order it and begin a new project until I have finished the projects on this list:

Pull all old bills and statements to be shredded; file current year's statements, etc.; and reorganize file cabinet
Create Financial binder so all relevant info is in one spot (part of my hardcore buy a house prep)
Isaac's baby book....currently a pile of mayhem
Finish Christmas cookie book (indulging my in Christmas addiction)
Go through old magazine and pull out all recipes to put in recipe binder

These projects will not all be done by the 4th, but I am aiming for the end of May. We'll see.

Home Again

After almost 2 weeks of constant attention and spoiled-ness, Isaac, me, and Ben have returned home and are trying to get back into the swing of things. It was a great trip, and I am really glad that Isaac got to meet and spend so much time with his family and our friends. It was very overwhelming at times, and extremely tiring for everyone, but I am glad we took the extra days just so we weren't constantly running around with Isaac all the time. As it was, we really only saw one person/family per day with a few exceptions.

His dedication and family fish fry went so well! It was very overwhelming and there were a ton of people there, but Isaac was a champ. One of the best tips I can give to any one throwing a party for or with a new baby: Keep him close to you and establish limits. We put Isaac on his blanket in the center of the living room floor when he was awake so people could see him. If people asked to hold him, I of course said yes, but I didn't really volunteer him up to anyone. And when he slept, I kept him on me. That way he could sleep without people poking at him and such. He only really cried a few times, and he slept like a rock that night...I got a good 6 hour stretch from him.

Easter was great as well. Oddly, the family party was not as large as his fish fry, but still did the same protocol as above. He got lots of present in Ohio, and I discovered the beauty of the flat rate priority box. We got alot of books, which I asked for. Our favorite is Mars.hmall.ow. :) I also discovered a deep love for the Fish.er Pri.ce Prec.ious Pl.anet collection. He now has the monkey bank, hooded towels, washclothes, bibs, and two blankets.

The flight home was just as smooth as the first, amazingly so, as this one was 5+ hours. He slept for most of the flight. When he woke up, he ate and then had his diaper changed in the lovely bathroom cubicle. He spent the rest of the flight cooing and smiling at pther passengers. Did you know that you can't have a baby in a Snug.li during landing or take off? Does that make any sense to you? Wouldn't I want the baby attached to me in case of a turbulent/violent/rough landing or take off rather than have him pitch across the cabin? Hmmm....

Anyway, Isaac is 11+weeks old now, and has hit alot of mini and mega milestones/firsts during our Ohio trip:

~He rolls from his back onto either side now, as opposed to side to back to side.

~He will take a bottle from everyone but me. Like, he can't even see me in the room or he screams.

~Ben and I had our first two dates sans baby and they went well. He stayed with either set of grandparents

~He attended his first sporting event: my state-champion track star brother's first meet of the season.

~He had his baby dedication and first Fis.her Family Fish Fry and met his godmother and almost everyone in the Ram.sey, Fish.er, and Ols.on families

~He had his first exposure to large dogs, my parents' and Ben's. This did not go over so well. Especially when they bark.

~ He has actual tears now when he cries. Precious and heartbreaking at the same time

~He holds his head up like a champ. We are still working on tummy time, which he still hates, but when he is sitting up, his head is perfectly held. :) He also pushes out from my chest when I am holding him and stares at me.

~He grabs my hair, necklaces, and collars and won't let go.

~He figured out that if he kicks at certain toys on his bouncer, the music and bubbles turn on.

~He has moved to the half swaddle, only around his legs. This is because....

~....He loves his hands in his mouth. Hasn't found the thumb quite yet, but definately found the hand.

If I had to fathom a guess, I would say he is at 11 pounds. Many of his 0-3 month clothes are still loose on him, but he fits most of them. He is way more active in the afternoons now, often forgoing a nap of mention and opting for occassional 20-30 minute catnaps. He plays on his back most of the time with bouts of swing and bouncer action. We take walks, but not in Ohio...it was DAMN cold. He also has conversations with us. :) I still have him in his bassinet. I think we will get a few more weeks out of it. He is still definately in the size range, but I am starting to get anxious about the movements. He sleeps with both arms out and often above his head, and he is rolling from side to back quite frequently. I have ordered the Crib tent cover...I came home to discover quite a bit of kitty fur in the crib...

I think he has hit another growth spurt. He is eating about every two hours again and gobbling both sides, which I would guess to be about 5-6 ounces. I was going through his pictures alot while we were gone and I just can't believe how big he is getting. My itty bitty baby. :) I really want to get started on his baby book soon, and finish printing out pictures. I got a special frame for my desk.

I go back to work in about 2 weeks, on May 4th. I may take him to daycare for a half day next week and a full day the week after that. He is only going for 3 days a week, sometimes less. One of the great things from our trip was that he got used to being taken care of by other people and waking up to see someone else but me. I was there for most of the time, with the two date exceptions, but I let my mother and MIL do alot for him. I have gotten a daycare box around for him which has some emergency stuff in case I forget something in the diaper bag: tylenol, mylicon, aspirator, desitin, extra burpie clothes, a bottle brush, bottle warmer, extra nipples, extra binkies, socks, a hat, a wipes refill, and two extra bottles. I also have his extra adventure gym ready to go. I do want to get another carseat base for the sitter's car. We didn't use one in Ohio, just strapped in the carseat, which worked perfectly fine, I just feel safer with him in the base as well.

And since I muttled this post something fierce, I will close with pictures. :) Thanks for bearing with my randomness in getting out all things baby. :) The first is with his friend Luke:)

This is friend Lily....

4 generations at Easter....

With future girlfriend Lila....she's an older woman ;)

With cousins Gracie and AJ

And lastly....my little Easter bunny baby.... :)

All Things Baby

Today is our 37 week appointment! But I will get to my thoughts on that in a moment.


First things first: The Baby Shower! It was sooo much fun and I had such a great time. It was nice and small with just my friends, so it was not as overwhelming as the big Ohio shower. The most important aspect of the shower, to me, was to get to see everyone before Peanut arrives. It made me really happy to see all my friends and to have them celebrate this time with me. K did a really wonderful job hosting, and kept the cutesy baby stuff to an extreme minimum to my delight. I thoroughly enjoyed the mimosas, especially after months of no alcohol. :) And of course, my favorite part, the cake, which was D-E-LICIOUS. I still got overwhelmed opening all the presents...it's something about the bags of teeny baby things that all have to be held up to view and oohed and aahed over. I talked to Ben on my way home, and he asked what we got. My response was "um....alot of bags of baby stuff and a swing (which was the only single item I could distinctly remember)." I have to say that my very favorite part of the shower, even topping the mimosas and cake :), was having Z there. It meant so much to me that she flew in just for the weekend and that short time. She also documented the shower, so I should have pictures to post. :)


We got so many great things from the shower, really boosting my "we are ready for the baby" level. Ben, being the ever patient husband that he is (which is very hard for him, let me tell you), took me to Tar.get on Monday night to do the registry completion. He was very good in the store, most likely because we got the video camera and he was anxious to play with it. We are really excited about it because it is memory card camera and is really lightweight. Oh, and its and HD camera (which everything has to be these days with Ben). We wanted this particular one so we can send videos to the family back east and such easily. It works just like a digital camera. The baby's room is definately packed with all things baby now. We even broke down and bought some diapers. BRU was having a special that if you bought 2 jumbo packs of Pampers, you would get a $15 giftcard. I definately feel more prepared for Peanut's arrival, at least in terms of having everything he needs. We have one more trip to BRU this weekend to finish up the registry there, but all that is really left there is the jumperoo, pump and supplies, and misc. crib bedding. I have massive coupons and discounts to use there, so I am pretty sure we can get it all.


I have been hard at work in the nursery. Z made some runners for the dresser tops to coordinate with our non-theme. I will try to get pictures up. I am really happy with the way it is coming together. I got the drawer liners into the dresser and all the clothes and other cloth items need in 0-3 months are currently in the laundry line. I think awhile back I mentioned that I finally found a bedding set that I liked. The problem we were having is that we didn't want to commit to one particular theme due to my love of the ocean and boats, and Ben's love of Ohio State Football. We ended up getting the set on clearance from 99.99 to 67.99. When we went back to Targ.et this week to do the registry thing, we noticed it was now 19.99! So we ended up buying another set and then I will return the one we already had since they don't do price adjustments.

Ok, the doctor: I am told he may do the pelvic exam this week. I have been have what feel like strong menstrual cramps over the past few days. I also need a rec for a pediatrician and new OB in our area. I am turning in my disability paperwork and getting all of those dates figured out. And I think I am going to ask to go on disability a week before my due date. Hopefully my BP and blood sugar are still Ok. I forgot my meter at work over the weekend and didn't get a chance to pick it up right away. Oh well.

And I think that makes this Baby Day #11. Wow.

Maybe Crop Tops Will Come Back In Style....

Because seriously, I now have a ton. :)

Ok, so they aren't REAL crop tops. In the recent move, I cleaned out my closet and drawers yet again, this time with the intent of "what am I seriously never going to wear again, as a new mother?" I also tried to find anything that would fit over "the belly." I have had a hard time finding maternity clothes that fit me right, so I have been relying on longer and baby doll style shirts that I have had in my closet and hand me downs. As the days tick by, fewer items are fitting me. In fact, quite a few shirts do not cover my belly anymore but land somewhere below the belly button. So started my collection of preggo crop tops. Keeping in mind that these shirts fit me fine just a week or two ago, I may have to raid Ben's sweatshirt collection. My pjs no longer fit and the pants have to be worn well below my waist, creating a spanse of belly not covered by anything.

I can't really complain. I have had a pretty good pregnancy so far: No serious morning sickness, just some nausea. No massive headaches frequenting.

I am growing increasingly tired. Lugging around this little boy is quite tedious these days. I can't bend over to put on pants, socks, or shoes anymore. Everything must be done sitting down. Climbing in and out of bed is always a feat that involves quite a bit of grunting and rocking around (This is of great amusement to my husband. Although last night he did seem more sympathetic as I was arranging my 10,000 pillows and explaining that yes, I have to do this everytime I get in and out of bed at night). I have to potty about every 30 minutes it seems (this may be a slight exaggeration...I am known to do that from time to time). And yes, the stretch marks I fought so hard to avoid have won the battle and have emerged.

My blood sugar has been pretty good. I have had a few high readings, but nothing that could be deemed seriously out of control. I was reading about it online the other night, and am now convinced that every cramp I have is preclampsia. I have figured out what sets the sugar off, and try to avoid those foods if possible (sometimes it is just not feasible to avoid a cookie). I am sure everything is fine, but have a long list of things to go over with the doctor next week, including that I think the baby has dropped. The pressure in my hips is maddening, and my left hip gets stiff if I sit or lay too long. I then look like an old woman as I hobble around (an astute observation from Ben). I have also had a little bit of discharge that could be considered to be the start of effacing and passing of the mucous plug (sorry if that is TMI....I could have been more descriptive). I can breathe alot easier, also leading me to think Baby Lahman may have dropped and my tummy looks different. the bump is lower than before.

The nursery is coming together. We got the rocking chair in there and all of the pictures to be hung elsewhere out and on the walls last night. I finally called Graco and requested a new motor tower for the swing. It just doesn't sound right. I also registered all our products online with their various manufacturers for notification of product and parts recalls or replacements. I separated out all of the 0-3 months clothes and those are first in line for a trip to the washer. I am trying really really hard to hold off on purchasing anything else until after the shower next weekend, but it is very hard. I am at the nesting stage where everything needs to be done and ready for Peanut. EVERYTHING. Ben promised that we would go to BRU the Wednesday following the shower and get everything else we need.

Yesterday was the offical 35 week, 35 days left marker. I can't wait to meet this little boy! (He still does not have an official name). If he cooks until next week, he will be able to stay in Sonoma instead of going to a NICU in Santa Rosa.

Things to do:
-Get drawer liners for dresser
-Resubmit paperwork to hospital
-Update photos (still not done :( )
-Work on Baby Book (I did update the calendar)
-Pack hospital bags
-Get batteries
-Wash clothes and other fabrics

Oh! Ps...the kitties are doing really well with the baby furniture. Layla just hides underneath it, which is fine. Guiliani has had some incidents in the bassinet and pack and play, but he is learning. He hates the spray bottle. :)

I Have Always Wondered....

...what the inside of my belly button looks like. Fortunately for me, I will be able to fufill this wonder in a few days. The belly button is definately getting more shallow each day and is going to pop very soon.

Today would be Baby Day um....#10 I think, marking our 34 week appointment. I have been testing my blood sugar for 4 days now, so I have a better understanding of what kind of foods set it off and such. I am sure the Dr. will want to discuss that. I also want to know what position the baby is in at this point. And...originally, everyone planned on me working up to my due date. However, given my growing uncomfortablility and "diabetes," I am almost hoping that he moves the "last day of work" up to the end of January and puts me on disability a few weeks early. Califo.rnia law gives me a 4 week leeway for maternity disability, I believe....meaning that if I go out 2 weeks before my due date, I will have 2 weeks after my due date to continue disability until the baby arrives and I go on actual maternity leave. That would be an extra 2 weeks of disability that I haven't really budgeted for, but at this point I am just thinking that it may be too much. We will see I guess. I am probably just being a sissy.

Last night I continued to go through the baby clothes and try to determine what else is really needed. We got a heap of clothes from the shower, and are most likely getting some hand-me-downs from some friends. I think what Peanut really needs are 0-3 month onesies and socks. I am just so clueless on what this little boy is actually going to need. :(

My list of things that need to get done:
~buy and install extra car seat base (Saturday trip to baby consignment store)
~finish thank you cards from shower 1
~start washing baby clothes, towels, sheets....
~get batteries because every thing baby apparently requires 20 batteries
~update baby book and calendar
~pack hospital bags
~re-submit hospital paperwork with new address
~get pictures edited and uploaded (involves installing photoshop onto laptop)
~find rug for nursery

My latest pregnancy craving....CAKE. Damn diabetes.

I just wanna sleeeeeeeepppppp.....

It has been a crazy busy week.

Starting with the Thanksgiving prep last week on Wednesday...I made two pies, meatballs, and my husband's deviled eggs (Note: I usually do way more than this for snacking food during the day. I scaled back and we each picked one food we wanted). Ben actually woke up early on Thanksgiving Day and cleaned up the kitchen for me. The turkey went into the oven, and the day was pretty easy compared to other years. The rolls didn't rise correctly, so I may have goofed the yeast somehow. We had a good day and the clean up went really fast. I ate alot. In fact, I was the only one whoe ate everything on their plate and I had a second helping that night.

I slept in the next day. I decided to go into work later because Ben and I wanted to get our washer and dryer after he got off work. The day was pretty slow, but I got a lot done at work. By the time we actually got to Bes.t Bu.y, the Black Friday craziness had died down. We got our washer and dryer set for a great price, and we also got a freezer for the basement for when I start to pump and go back to work. We browsed a little bit and looked at some different electronics. Of course, Ben wanted the 62 inch plasma that cost as much as a car. We did find a printer we liked, but it was not on sale. After we left, we had to run next door to Off.ice De.pot because Ben had to get printer ink for work. We browsed a little there, and noticed that the printer we had wanted was $30 off there! But...they were out. The good news: Be.st Bu.y did a price match, so we ended up taking it home. :) It will print really nice photos, so we were happy.

Saturday was filled with errands and train painting. I have 34 done. We packed Saturday night. Let me tell you, I am a horrible packer. I start going through things and organizing, and I usually end up with several big messy piles. We were only planning to move our guest room on Sunday. This is the room where I dump everything that does not have a place somewhere else, so it ends up being one big clusterf#$k of stuff. It took quite a bit of time, and I am pretty sure it traumatized the cats. Sunday, we picked up the moving truck and then Cousin A. We loaded up everything we could, and were on our way to the new place. We got everything unloaded and the landlord met us to sign the lease and collect my bank account for the security deposit and 1st month's rent. :( Then we helped pick up our replacement fridge which was pretty far and pretty strenuous...on Ben at least. I didn't have to really lift anything all day :). Yay for Peanut. We didn't get home until almost 8 and it was a long day.

Work week started good. My temp has been hired, which is kinda wierd, but oh well. It has just proven to be a busy busy week with lots going on in the office. We have been moving stuff everyday, which has made me very very tired. We took last night off and watched the VS Fashion Show (old habits die hard ;) ) The kitties are going nutso in a bare apartment. I have to look for soem rugs tonight, because we have all hardwood floors in the new place. We are hemorraging money right now with the two residences and bills. I just havent' found anything I really like. I am very picky. :)

Tomorrow morning I have to take my 3 hour glucola test. :( Fingers crossed. Then starts a busy weekend to finish moving.

I have been fighting with our current apartment managers because they have all these insane security deposit deductions for cleaning and such. I am sorry, but 3 years in an apartment constitutes different wear and tear than does 1 year. And I don't believe for one second that my apartment was thoroughly cleaned by professional cleaners before I moved in. I believe the maintenance man cleaned it, sure. But is he a professional cleaner? Most likely not. The whole situation just irritates me. I am not a happy renter.

In terms of Peanut: the belly continues to grow. I am not even going to lie. I spaced on taking the 28 week and 29 week belly pictures. Today marks 30 weeks! Only 10 weeks to go! Yikes and Yippee! He still moves alot and Ben felt him kick for the first time on Saturday night. :) The cats feel him quite frequently. I am getting alot more winded when I do alot of walking. If I am doing anything but sitting down when I am talking on the phone, I sound like I am running a marathon. I am excited to go back to Ohio for the baby shower.

Ugh, I am sooooo tired.

Hospital Tour

Lamaze class went well last night, but it was soooo long. It lasted about an extra hour and we didn't have time to get dinner beforehand because we looked at a condo. Therefore, I had to sacrifice my mac and cheese for a mexican pizza. No worries, the mac and cheese is here for lunch today. :)

Anyway, class started out kind of rough. One of the other girls in my class had her water break on Sunday morning. She is 29 weeks. Now she is down at UCSF until they will deliver her baby early on December 15. I think that puts it at 34 weeks. Scary. I can't imagine having to do that and having to stay in the hospital that long. :( I think we are going to send her some flowers or something.

We went over interventions in class. It was horrible. The C-section video was horrible. Epidurals make me want to barf. The idea of a vacuum on my son's head made my skin crawl. I didn't do well. We did an exercise in which we had 15 cards with opposite birth elements on each side, like one side said vaginal birth, the other said C-section. We had to lay out all the cards as to how we saw our birth playing out. We talked about the support we would need from our partners for this birth. Then we had to take 5 away. Like flip them over to the stuff we didn't want and talk about the support we would need again. Then we had to do the same again, so we were only left with 5 of the original 15 elements we had chosen. It was difficult, because it got down to 7 things I really didn't want to budge on. But it was a very good exercise because it really helped us evaluate what was most important to us in the birth.

We ran late because we took our hospital tour early, so we could end class a week early and not go into December. I was so pleased with the maternity ward at the hospital. It is so private and small. All the birthing rooms have showers and are very spacious and open. The afterbirth rooms are the same. The only room I didn't like was the OR for C-sections. It looked scary. :( They will deliver a baby at that hospital from 36weeks +, otherwise they will transfer to SRMH or UCSF. Knock on wood.

So that makes next week our last Lamaze class. I am pretty happy with the way the class has gone. I am OK with it ending early. There is so much to get done.

Tomorrow I am taking a half day to go help friend D take her twin baby boys to the doctor for their shots. Then I have a lecture on new discoveries in blue whales (yes, I am a science geek). On Saturday morning, I originally planned to go to the DMV (long story), but I am so tired I am skipping that and making an appointment for next week. I do have to do my glucose test thought. Then I am stopping by the animal shelter to help with the Christmas mailing. On Sunday I am meeting friend K to start planning the CA shower and go on a stroller hunt. Hopefully, the train kits come this weekend so I can get started on those as well. I have the paint, ribbon, and glues but I think I may need some beads of some sort or some other type of embellishment.

So much to do, so little time!

Oh, my hips do feel much better. And today is officially 27 weeks! According to BabyCenter.com I am now in the thrid trimester! :)

Back to Business

My glorious two week vacation has come to an end. :( I am officially back to normal life, as I am sitting at my work desk. I will post about the vakay, complete with pictures as soon as I catch up on the huge stack of mail from home, re-orienting myself at the office and such, and getting stuff done around the apartment. Alot happens in two weeks! :)

Baby Boy Peanut is doing well. He liked vacation. :) And I felt him kick from the outside for the first time. However, it was down by my crotch and did not feel it was appropriate to ask anyone else to feel it. :)

More to come I swear.